Yay, Snow! Now Would You Please Move?
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
burghbaby in It's Great to be a Burgh Baby

I love snow. I really, really do. You would think that after 14+ years of living in North Dakota I would have had enough of the stuff, but no. I heart it so very much that I want to hug it and squeeze and fold it up and stuff it in my pocket. The melting thing wouldn't be so great, but I love snow!

What I don't love is Pittsburgh snow. Really it's not the snow's fault--it's the fine people of Pittsburgh. They seem to forget that it actually does snow here. Every year. I have lived in many places (17 addresses since high school), visited many more, and I have never seen anything like the complete panic that overcomes Pittsburgh the first time it snows. Every year. (Did I mention that it snows here every year? It does!)

The biggest problem? The drivers. Oh, how I hate Pittsburgh drivers when there is snow on the ground. There are two categories of Pittsburgh snow drivers: the Stoppers and the Psycho SUV Speeders. The Stoppers stop. They are physically incapable of putting their foot on the gas when there is snow within a five mile radius. They MUST keep their foot on the brake. Tap-tap-tap. Must. not. move. Snow? Stop! The Psycho SUV Speeders are, of course, those crazy people that think they are invincible because they are driving around in their overpriced 4x4 SUV. To be fair, they don't bother me as much as the Stoppers since they can usually be found in the ditch and out of my way. It's the Stoppers that keep me from getting anywhere. Remember that North Dakota upbringing? It means that I know how to drive in the snow. I swear to it. So everybody needs to just move the heck out of my way and let me go on with my bad self.

Both types of Pittsburgh drivers are guilty of one of my biggest pet peeves. They are convinced that you must lessen the distance between yourself and other cars whenever the weather is less than perfect. Instead of maintaining a two foot gap in between themselves and the car in front of them, they lessen it to two inches. I suppose it's because they think that will help prevent the snow from ever hitting the road. (Note to fellow Pittsburghers: It doesn't work. Back away from that bumper. Increase your following distance in the event of foul weather. I promise it won't hurt.) There's nothing quite like being trapped behind a Stopper and having someone else so close to your booty that you can clearly see their beady little eyes in your rear-view mirror.

There's also nothing quite like beady little Toddler eyes staring you down for expecting her precious feet to touch the ground when there is snow present. Dear lord, my beady-eyed daughter is a Stopper. She takes this whole "born in Pittsburgh" thing entirely too seriously, and clearly got the memo about how to act when it snows. I'm not exaggerating one iota when I say the girl has her foot firmly on that brake. She ain't moving in the snow. Won't walk. Won't move an inch. Stops. Whines. Won't move.

How are we ever going to make pretty little snow angels and construct the ice castle of my our dreams if she just stands there, frozen in place, crying and whining because of a few snowflakes?

Article originally appeared on burgh baby (http://www.theburghbaby.com/).
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