She's Going to Interrupt My Boyfriend Wentworth Three Times
Monday, January 14, 2008
burghbaby in Potty Training is Poopy

I'm almost afraid to admit it in writing, but as of late, the Toddler has been nothing short of a pleasure to be around. She's less than two weeks away from her second birthday, but yet she's been remarkably fun, entertaining, and totally lacking in hissy fits. I mean, sure, she's championing an experiment to try to find the exact breaking point for a parent's sleep deprivation, but other than that? She's been SO MUCH FUN!

Except (Ha! You knew that was coming, now didn't you?), this whole potty training thing is certainly going to be the final nail in my coffin. Many, many people before me have written nightmare stories of potty training, so I can't tell you anything new. It's just that Alexis has managed to find that magical breaking point for me and she's pushing! it! endlessly!

If I had a say in these things, the potty training would commence in approximately three months. It would consist of me taking a week off work and locking myself and the Toddler in the house 24 hours a day for those 7 days. Our whole lives would revolve around potty training. We would eat, drink, and sleep potty training. At the end she would either be trained, or I would be investigating Pampers in my size. But, of course, I do not have a say in these things, so Alexis has decided that she shall ask to go potty every 17.4 minutes and she shall do it now.

So fine, she asks to go potty and either Daddy or I takes her. She's all about the stripping portion of the festivities, she sits on the potty just fine, she tears off some toilet paper and throws it in the water, she flushes, she pulls up her own pants, and she washes her hands. What's missing? The actual act of pottying. Who needs that part when you can have all that ritualistic fun? Honest to goodness, this weekend she visited the restroom in three different stores at the mall, two restaurants, two different Targets, and made several trips to our two bathrooms at home. There was not one drop or nugget of actual pottying involved. This has been going on for nearly two weeks and NOTHING. She just likes all the fun things you do while you're in the bathroom.

Guess which part of potty training I was dreading the most. Go ahead, guess. Oh yeah, definitely the part where they need to go every 17.4 minutes. You see, I myself need to go every 26.2 minutes. I knew very well that her scheduled meetings with the throne would very rarely meet up with mine. So I fully expected to spend about 20 hours a day in the bathroom. But I had the obviously unrealistic expectation that there would be actual pottying involved. What in the world gave me the idea that people should go potty while sitting on the toilet? Crazy talk, I know.

Go ahead, tell me how much worse it's going to get. Cecily just told a great story about a urinal and Looky, Daddy! recently warned of the dangers of telling a potty-trained tot to go ahead and make use of the river. I want to hear what the rest of you have to say. And if you're kid just woke up one day and decided to be fully trained? Just shoosh. I can't be your friend for at least two weeks.

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