Forgive me, internet, for it has been three days since my last cup of coffee.
I KNOW. I KNOW! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
There was exactly one thing that people said to me in the past few weeks upon hearing I was headed to Colombia, "Bring me back some coffee!" It seems so logical. Juan Valdez and his crew clearly are the source of the heavenly unicorn glitter magic that is the coffee bean. And Juan lives in Colombia. If he lives in Colombia, surely he shares his magic with the locals!
NOPE.
Are you as stunned as I was? Because I was stunned. I walked all over Cartegena and saw exactly one coffee shop and it pretty much sucked. It wasn't even a real coffee shop. How is this possible? Well, I'm glad you wondered the same thing I wondered - they export it all.
All of that magic growing in their backyards and they export it.
As the native Colombian I asked explained this to me, he dropped a few other nuggets. Global warming is causing coffee production to decline. As in, it has declined by over 30% in the past 10 years. If global warming continues, the poor Colombians will never know how magnificent their coffee is because it won't grow there anymore. Or anywhere, apparently.
So basically, as soon as I set foot in Pittsburgh, I'm going to drink ALL of the coffee. Not only will it make me kinder (because no coffee = grumpypants), but it's best that I drink as much as I can before supply and demand cause it to be too expensive for me.
It's a sad future we're leaving for our kids.
