If I had a dollar for every tweet, Facebook status, and blog post I have written and deleted in the two weeks that started with "OMG HEAD IMPLODEY OWWWWWWWW" I would have ... a heck of a lot of money. I will spare you the details of just how freakin' miserable the space inside my noggin has been lately, but the fact that my Number One Priority once we returned to Pittsburgh was to get to a doctor probably says a lot.
I don't do the doctor. I just don't.
Regardless, I shoved Alexis in the car early last Friday morning, did not pass Go, did not collect anything, I just drove straight to the doc in the box so that I could beg for drugs. Druuuuuugs gooooood. Dr. Google and I had already had a long consultation so I knew what was up. Sinus infection! Ear infection! All of the infections!
The only problem with my scheme to quickly and efficiently get drugs was that I had a short person to entertain. After a week at her grandparents house, HOOBOY did she need entertained. She had grown accustomed to having lots of cousins around all of the time and having the universe revolve around her.
That means she was used to asking questions and having someone answer them.
Ugh.
I spent years training the kid to not expect any sort of response when she talks to me. All of my hard work ignoring her! Gone! Destroyed! And at the worst possible time, thank you very much.
You just go ahead and sit there on your pedestal and judge away, but I could barely blink without wanting to scream. Fielding every question that an inquisitive 6-year old can come up with was PAINFUL. So I did what any lazy, miserable, creative parent would do and I handed her my iPhone.
"Here, ask Siri," I told her as I showed her how to turn on Zooey Deschanel's only friend.
A few minutes later I recognized my level of genius. The kid was asking my phone every question under the sun and happily reading the answers and SHE WAS LEAVING ME ALONE!
Seriously, it was pretty freakin' amazing. I imagine that in a few years, that's what homework is going to look like. Kids are going to ask computers a question and be directed to a web page and encyclopedia what? Our kids won't need no stinkin' encyclopedias (good thing, too, since they aren't going to be in print any more).
In the time it took for me to get a doctor to agree that Dr. Google and I were right, the kid had learned all about whether or not sharks eat people, she had researched the tallest statues in the world, and she had found out how to say "Hello" in five languages. All without any help from me.
Magic. That's what it was. Magic.
The best part is that now when she asks me questions that I don't want to answer like "Who is cuter, Justin Bieber or Zac Efron?" I can hand her Siri and wash my hands of that hotly contested issue.
