Mila still doesn't sleep in her own bed. She managed to do so exactly once, but now that she has the hamster that was at the end of that rainbow, she's good. There's no need to try that ever again.
Which, it's fine. She's truly the best little co-sleeper around. She rarely moves around, doesn't steal blankets, and is just plain cuddly at night. It's all good.
But MOLFASMUCKENTOOF if I can sneak out of bed without waking her up. Whether it's 2:00 am or 6:00 am, that kid KNOWS when I try to leave. I can't even make it to the door before she panic-yells, "MOMMA!" because, you know, being in bed without mom is THE WORST. You can't even do it when said mom just wants to go to the bathroom and pretend there are plenty of hours left to sleep.
This morning I needed to go to work early but super wanted Mila to sleep until her usual time. My alarm went off at 5:30 and I slammed that thing off before a second tone could float out of my phone and travel to Mila's ears.
And then I laid perfectly still.
For five minutes.
Seriously, it was a full five minutes. I figured I needed to last that long before I moved a millimeter because it was the only way Mila would settle back into sleep if she had happened to hear that one tiny note of an alarm.
When five minutes was up, I moved one leg a tiny bit. Then the other one. And then I slooooooowly rolled towards the edge of the bed.
Quietly.
Softly.
Sooooooo patiently.
When I finally FINALLY made it to the edge of the bed, I silently dropped to the floor. I have learned that if I stand up, Mila will see me. She will see that I'm standing not next to her and she will FLIP OUT.
I army-crawled to the door.
And slithered into the hall.
No dogs barked. No cats looked up. I was truly the most silent of silent people. A mouse blinking makes more noise than I did.
And then Mila screamed, "MAMA I NEEEEEED YOU!" at the top of her lungs and the entire house exploded with noise. The dogs barked, cats meowed, Alexis yelled "SHHHHHH!"
So much noise.
Someday I'll learn how to get past the hibernating Mila Moose. It wasn't today, though.