My Eyeballs Are Floating Just Thinking About It

I can't be bothered to worry about things until it is officially time to worry about them, or at least that's my excuse for waiting until we were on our way out the door. I knew the time for the appointment and the approximate location, but "approximate" doesn't actually get you where you're going. So, with my coat on and purse in hand, I called the doctor's office and asked for the precise address where we needed to go for the ultrasound.

Once the address had been given, the person on the phone reminded me that I should be there at 12:30. "Oh, and make sure you drink 32 ounces of water!" she added.

It's not my first rodeo, and that's the problem. THAT is why I didn't think too hard about what she had said.

As we drove down the road, I reluctantly sipped on water. And more water. And more water. It sounds much harder than it is to drink that much water.

We pulled into the parking lot at exactly the right time. It was then that we told Alexis what to expect. It *is* her first rodeo, so she was just as excited as one would expect. I distracted myself with that excitement because while it's not that hard to drink a lot of water, it is hard to not think about it.

But think about it I did. As we climbed the stairs to the proper office, I thought REAL hard about it. And crossed my legs a bit.

When we walked through the door, the first signs of trouble smacked me in the face. And by that, I mean there was a literal sign that said the staff was at lunch and to wait in the chairs around the corner.

It was 12:25. I was supposed to be there at 12:30. The sign said the staff would return at 1:00.

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

We sat in the chairs and Alexis started talking. And talking. And talking. I have no idea what she said because did I mention that I needed to go to the bathroom? LIKE IMMEDIATELY?

But, alas, I was told to drink water and hold it. So. SO NO BATHROOM FOR YOU, LADY WHO FOLLOWS INSTRUCTIONS.

Minutes passed. I squirmed. More minutes passed. I squirmed some more. I started thinking about rivers flowing and sparkling streams and ZOMG ONE TRACK MIND. BATHROOM. GO.

But I didn't. I started to get more and more annoyed as I watched the minutes pass by. Five minutes past the appointment time ... ten minutes past the appointment time ... WHY IN THE WORLD WAS I TOLD TO BE THERE AT 12:30 IF EVERYONE WOULD BE AT LUNCH UNTIL 1:00?

I pulled out my appointment book and searched to see if I had written down the wrong time, but then I remembered that the time had been confirmed when I called just an hour earlier. So. THOU SHALT WAIT. LONGER. WHILE NEEDING TO PEE.

Squirm.

Wiggle.

Eyeballs floating.

Misery.

At last, a shuffle of papers and the sound of footsteps came from around the corner. IT WAS THE TECH! SHE WAS THERE! It was 12:50, but that was better than 1:00!

As she rounded the corner, she asked for some paperwork and then said, "If you need to go to the bathroom before we start, there's one right over there."

*Insert the sound of a record scratch here.*

*Insert the crazed lunatic look that was on my face here.*

*Insert a mix of relief and OMG YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME here.*

I looked at her as if she had four heads. All of that waiting while miserable FOR NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.

Look, I am fully aware that some ultrasounds require the epic amount of water drinking and some don't. I probably should have thought harder about the fact that my doctor hadn't mentioned the whole thing. Probably. But I didn't. So ... fine. It was my fault I drank too dang much water for nothing. We'll go with that.

But what of the 12:30 appointment time?

"Oh, they tell you to be early in case you show up without your paperwork and I have to look it all up."

WHY DO I FOLLOW DIRECTIONS SO WELL?

Tofu Fried Rice

It took a while, but I caved. I finally went to the grocery store and bought enough food to actually be able to cook dinner a couple of times.

It was way more fun when the holidays were in our midst and there was no need to have real food around.

Between the pain of having to buy All The Things, there was the usual Alexis banter about what she thought I should buy. She is on a weird "junk food is AWESOME!" kick, which, the hell? WHY? WHAT STARTED THIS? It needs to stop.

Anyway, another thing she did was comment that she wished that a box of pre-packaged fried rice didn't have chicken in it because she loves fried rice. I looked her in the eye and said, "Alexis, we don't need a box of 'fried rice' to make fried rice."

"Oh, yeah!" she replied.

I then proceeded to not buy the things to make fried rice because why would I think that moment would stick? ::headdesk::

Of course the kid asked for fried rice for dinner. That's when I learned that I could make fried rice without planning it. I didn't have all of the usual vegetables, but I had enough to suffice. And it was good. REAL good.

Which is all to say, it's pretty easy to throw together fried rice with whatever is sitting around.

Tofu Fried Rice

3 tablespoons peanut oil (divided)
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon crushed ginger
1 teaspoon lime juice
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 package extra firm tofu, cubed (drain and press the extra water out of it before cubing it)
2 cups white short-grain rice, prepared per package instructions
1 red pepper, diced
1 small onion, diced
1 cup broccoli florets (I used frozen, but fresh works even better)
2 large eggs

1. Place 2 tablespoons peanut oil, soy sauce, ginger, lime juice, and red pepper flakes in a gallon baggie and then toss the tofu in with it all. Shake it up and let it sit for at least ten minutes. It's called "marinading," kids, and it's what gives the tofu taste. (You could do the same thing with chicken or whatever, omnivores.)

2. Prepare the rice per package instructions.

3. In a large skillet or wok, heat the remaining tablespoon of peanut oil over medium heat. Toss in the red pepper and then the onion. Stir it all up.

4. Throw in the tofu, as well as the marinade. Fry the tofu and vegetables until the tofu starts to brown. Add the broccoli and continue to fry until the broccoli starts to soften.

5. Throw in the rice and stir everything up.

6. Push the rice and veggies off to the side. Using the empty spot in the skillet or wok, make some scrambled eggs. I break the eggs into a cup or bowl, scramble them with a fork, then pour them into the skillet/wok. A few stirs later, they are cooked.

7. Mix everything together. If you need to add more soy sauce, feel free to do so. It's a taste thing, for sure. I don't like a lot of soy sauce, but some members of this family would put an entire bottle on their plate if I would let them.

8. Listen to your kid rave about how great tofu and fried rice are. Or is that just what happens at my house?

A Story In Pictures