Everything is Stupid

Let me just tell you about my day.

It started an hour later than it should have because of this little bundle of joy and energy and chaos named Mila. I try really hard not to say, "Hurry up" to her because that's not what I want. I don't want her to rush through life without stopping to notice the more important things. I do want her to FOCUS ALREADY though. Sometimes the little things aren't more important and do we really have to stop and pontificate on every pair of shoes we find when the task at hand is to put the ones that are in your hands on your feet?

If anybody ever figures out how to get kids to put shoes on their feet in anything less than half an hour, I will be the most willing student there ever was. I'd even pay money to learn how to make that happen.

So. An hour later than expected, I finally rolled up to Panera. I do realize that's not where I work, but I have a major thing due this week so I've been spending part of every day at Panera so I can focus and get it done. There's that "focus" word again. It's an important one. And it's really very impossible when you're cuddled up with your laptop and a group sits right next to you and proceeds to do job interviews - via speaker phone IN PANERA - for a teaching position. As in, three people were asking questions and one was answering and this was all done with a cell phone in the middle of the table. And they did six interviews. And. AND. Every time one of the interviewers would walk away from the table, the others would start talking about the person who walked away. It didn't matter which one left  - the others immediately started with the, "OMG. He has no idea what he's doing," and such.

Which, well, it was kind of funny. But it made FOCUS hard.

So I left and found another nook to work out of but then I had to have a meeting with a person. That person happens to be the smartest person in all of the land and don't you know this work is hard, honey? Oh, sweetheart, let me break this down in terms your pretty head might understand.

If you catch my drift.

In the midst of this epic hour of mansplaining, I got a text. FROM TANGERINE MUSSOLINI. He wants me to come to his rally and donate to his campaign and STAAAAAB. I can't even pretend that I found it funny because I didn't. I instantly burst into angry flames. It was such a fury-inducing moment that I actually texted the number back. I realize it was probably some random Russian spoofer, but that's okay. I taught them some new words in English. Four-letter words.


Mila escorted me to Alexis' dance classes this evening. Alexis Tuesday night classes start about an hour past most peoples' bedtime, so Mila and I ran to Walmart to try to entertain ourselves and maybe stay awake. I figured I would get Mila a new pair of pajamas, she would put them on, and then she would fall asleep in the car. It was quite the magical plan.

She's still awake, literally two hours past her bedtime It was a good plan, but it failed.

Oh, and the pajamas were size 4/5, which is to say I HAD TO CROSS THE AISLE. They aren't toddler pajamas. They are Big Kid pajamas. BIG KID PAJAMAS.

And they're not huge on her. They actually fit, more or less.


Tomorrow better be a better day.


I Still Got It

I still like the seventh grader. I think we're pretty much at the edge of the cliff of time where I'm not supposed to like her, but mostly she's a pretty fantastic human. That's not to say that there haven't been times when I wanted to turn her toenails into threads and use those threads to sew her mouth shut, but meh. We all have our days when we act like jerks.

Myself included.

This weekend, though, everybody was on their best behavior. That tends to happen when everybody gets to go to their favorite dance class. It's even more likely when it is a Broadway Series night at the Benedum. At least one of the girls has been known to be EXCEPTIONALLY nice when there are show tickets sitting on the kitchen table. It turns out that I'm not bluffing when I say I can take whoever I want with me with my season tickets SO BEHAVE ACCORDINGLY. Funny how that works.


Alexis and I ended up downtown extra early, so we took advantage of some perfect weather and walked around for a bit. Pittsburgh is a gift for all that it has to offer, so we easily filled some time wandering around Market Square and then the Point.

I mean, this happened, so basically Pittsburgh is the best place ever.

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As we were walking to the show, Alexis grabbed and held onto my hand. "But what if we run into one of your friends!" I declared, preparing to turn on every ounce of Moms Can Embarrass Kids On Demand I possess.

"Pshaw. They'll know I like my mom. SO WHAT?" Alexis replied.

YOU GUYS. THE SEVENTH GRADER STILL LIKES ME! Or at least she did for that 10 minutes on Saturday.



Pumpkin Spice Monkey Bread

Alexis' love for all things pumpkin spice knows no limits. She is basically asking me to "pumpkin up" everything I make these days, which isn't new. She's been doing it every September/October FOREVER. Which leads to things like this, the recipe for which I first posted a year ago:

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Monkey Bread. With pumpkin spice magic.

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She asked for it, and then carefully described what it meant to her. There was a "pumpkin pie like filling" requirement which became the critical part and really. The kid has good ideas. It's a fact.

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Pumpkin Spice Monkey Bread

4 small cans refrigerated biscuits
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 cup butter
1 cup canned pumpkin (not pie mix, just pumpkin)
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon (yes, again)
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon cloves

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Spray nonstick spray inside a fluted pan.

3. Cut the biscuits into quarters.

4. In a gallon storage bag, combine the sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves. Then toss the biscuit pieces in a few at a time and shake the bag to coat the biscuits with sugar.

5. Toss the sugar-coated biscuits into the fluted pan.

6. In a small bowl, melt the butter. Add the brown sugar, pumpkin, cinnamon, cloves, and allspice then stir until well combined.

7. Pour over the biscuits and smooth out.

8. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes. It's done when the top is lightly browned.

9. Allow to cool and then invert on a plate. You'll end up with pumpkin pie at the bottom and monkey bread on top and happy everywhere between.