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Wednesday
Jul192017

Welcome to Our Robot Overlords

I am a sucker for random clearance treasures that are found along the back aisles at Target. They are irresistible, even when they're the most pointless of finds. If they're marked down 50% or more, it's as if they have my name written on them. "Buy me!" they call out.

Robot seahorses. $7. How can I not buy the robot seahorses?

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(That link up there goes to them on Target.com, where they are not on clearance for $7, which just proves that buying them was a good life choice. Go me!)

So, I bought one and placed it on our kitchen counter. That led to Mila spending hours and hours watching it, tapping the container to wake it up, talking to it, and otherwise not burning the house down. I will happily pay a premium for things that keep that kid from burning the house down, so that $7 bargain quickly became THE BEST THING EVER OMG.

So, of course, I went and bought another one. If one is entertaining, two is even better. And it was true! Mila is still infatuated with her seahorses.

Buuuuut ... when I went to buy the second one, I thought about how it would be kind of cool if I had one for the pool. It would be entertaining to watch a little robot swim around the pool, right? Or, even better, WHAT IF I HAD A LITTLE FISHY?!?!

I totally found little fishies. For $2.00. 

I bought a few because, again, EXCELLENT LIFE CHOICES. I decided the itty bitty fishies would be super awesome in the pool instead of dive sticks. I envisioned gaggles of kids chasing them around and trying to catch them, which, for the record, is exactly what happened. There was much laughing and basically the little fish are the beeessssst.

Except for that one time that it was just Mila and Alexis in the pool. The little blue fishy managed to find its way under the pool ladder, so Alexis couldn't find it. She spent FOREVER hunting for it, all the while I had the pink and orange ones in my hand. They are almost neon in color, so they're super easy to see as they swim around the blue-bottomed pool. That blue one, though. Even when it wasn't hiding under the ladder, it was tough to see.

And, man, Alexis could NOT find the silly thing. I eventually decided it was going to turn into a $2 toy with a dead battery sitting at the bottom of the pool for months. I was okay with that. The only thing was that Alexis was getting frustrated, so I decided I'd give her a moment of victory and throw the other two back in. Bright neon! She would find them quickly!

She found the pink one almost immediately. The orange one, though. 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE ORANGE ONE WENT.

It vanished into thin air, which made no sense whatsoever. It was easy to see! Except for when it wasn't. We searched under the ladder. We searched in the pool filters. We searched everywhere, but it was gone. So gone. 

So confusing. 

Eventually I declared it M.I.A. and told Alexis and Mila it was time to quit kicking around the pool. I would replace the fishy and blah, blah, blah.

There was a moment when Alexis was talking to me, super frustrated that she couldn't find TWO fish. She was making faces and generally acting a fool when suddenly she screamed bloody murder. You know the cute white girl who goes missing at the beginning of every horror flick? THAT SCREAM. That's the scream that came out of the kid's mouth.

The orange fishy found its way out of whatever hiding spot it had found and zoomed straight at Alexis' butt. Only, she didn't know it, so her reaction was to something suddenly ramming into her at top speed.

Mila and I laughed until we cried. Literally, we so greatly enjoyed Alexis' freak out that we couldn't speak and had tears running down our faces.

Best $2 ever? BEST $2 EVER.

Tuesday
Jul182017

10 Minutes to Change the World

Mila is like basically every other toddler/preschooler on this earth in that it takes approximately 18 hours to prepare her to go into the pool. By the time you find her swimsuit, change her, slap on some sunscreen, and drag out her floaties and such, the sun has set and the rest of the kids are ready to get out of the pool. (Yes, kids. Plural. Half the neighborhood ends up at our house frequently. It's the best.)

It's cool, though. She only asks to swim every single day.

And then she stays in the water for about 10 minutes.

So, if you're keeping score and wondering what it's like to parent a small child, remember that. You will spend ALL OF THE TIME preparing them for fun, and then they'll have fun for 10 minutes.

But it will be a REALLY good 10 minutes. For reals.

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Monday
Jul172017

Oddly Anti-Climatic

The girls had their well visits this past Saturday, which, if you're keeping score, means Mila's was only one month late. That is not bad, all things considered. Alexis' was, uh, six months "early." Or something. It starts with one month late then rolls to two months late and then BAM! It's six months early.

At least I managed to line them up so they could go at the same time. Let's pretend that was a purposeful thing. Ahem.

Anyway, because I tend to remember that these things need to happen later than I probably should, this time I ended up scheduling with a new doctor at the practice. For the most part, I love our pediatricians, which is plural because it's a group practice. There is one physician I avoid, but mostly they're good.

They're also trained. By me. 

There's a thing that always happens that makes me nuts. Alexis' BMI is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs because the kid can kick your ass. There's no doubt about it - she's is one muscular little person. It's very deceiving because she doesn't look big, per se, but if you have her stand on a scale? You'll think the scale is broken. It's really handy when you want a prize at a carnival. It's not so handy at the doctor's office because there tends to be this awkward moment where they feel the need to mention her cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs BMI and then I glare and it's just weird.

It's really better when they don't bother to say anything, y'know? Her BMI is fine. Her weight is fine. She's fine.

And then there's Mila. Miss Mila was born at a glorious 9 lbs 6 ozs and was super tall to boot, but it might all be a lie because she cruised right on out of the upper percentiles for height of weight. She's been "too short" and "too small" and "too tiny" and "too everything" since she was probably three days old. I'm really not convinced she was ever anything other than tiny, which makes the whole "fell off the charts" thing not so bad. She was never on there! Let's go with that!

So, normally the first time we see a pediatrician, there is a comment about Alexis being too big and Mila being too small and then I have to knock heads against the wall because the girls live in the same house and are offered the same foods. Clearly one of them likes junk more than the other and SURPRISE! The tiny one is the one who tries to live off carbs and sugar. The one with the crazy BMI is the one who happily eats plain lettuce (with no dressing because she's a weirdo) for dinner when she wants "salad."

It's pretty clear the girls are who they are and their environment doesn't have much to do with it. I have long ago accepted that I'm not changing them.

Which is why I was prepared to argue. I assumed that a new doctor meant I was going to have to do some training. As usual. I had my Mom Glare all sorts of ready and waiting.

AND THEN THE DOCTOR DIDN'T SAY THE THINGS.

It was so confusing.

And then it got more confusing when we hit the topic of Mila ever considering maybe doing the potty training thing. The short answer to how that's going is "Hahahahahahaha ... nope." I said as much, fully expecting to be handed a pile of know-it-all-edness that would try to convince me to try harder. And then THAT didn't happen either. "We all know toddlers decide to do what they want when they want to do it."

She said that.

The pediatrician said that.

Which left me feeling weirdly disappointed. What good does it do to be prepared for battle only to find out that the person is actually on your side? It's definitely better this way, but it's SO WEIRD.

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