Always with the Tongue

August 17 002


Just Stating the Facts

If the makers of fitness trackers really wanted to track the amount of energy used in a day, they'd figure out a way for kids' words to count. Every word the girls say certainly costs me more energy than any steps I take. 100 Mila words is like a mile of walking, y'know? I have to pay attention closely so that I can de-toddlerize what she's saying plus she just randomly says weird stuff plus SO MANY WORDS, OMG.

At the end of the day when I'm trying to decide which girl talks the most, the answer is "yes." They both talk a lot. A lot lot lot lot lot.

It's exhausting.

Alas, my fitness tracker doesn't understand that listening to Mila talk for an hour is an aerobic activity, so I have a habit of taking her for a walk each evening. It serves two purposes - I get ridiculously annoyed if I don't hit my steps goal for the day, so it's a chance to drive up that number. It also gives Mila a chance to get her words out before bedtime. She really does sleep better when she leaves words all over the neighborhood.

Tonight while on my quest for 15,000 steps, Mila was just as chatty as usual. She pointed out the barking black dog, asked to pick some flowers, told me which direction to walk, and filled the quiet with a bunch of words about school. I don't actually know what the words were because it doesn't seem worth the effort to pay THAT close of attention. It's not like it's adding to my step count.

ANYWAY. We were walking. She was talking. One word led to another led to another and then a little bunny hopped across a yard and the talking REALLY kicked in. Bunnies are fun, you guys. Mila told me all about the bunny, even going so far as to list facts that she knows about bunnies.

1. They like carrots.

2. They leave candy behind at Easter.

3. They're cute.

4. They're fluffy.

There was more, but, remember, I was only half paying attention because that's what I do. It's a self-defense mechanism.

We continued on our way even after the bunny was gone. The conversation turned to dinner and Mila told me all about all of the things she had eaten. It was a fried rice sort of night, so we talked about the peppers and tofu and onions and blah, blah, blah. I asked questions because sometimes I try to pretend to be a halfway decent parent.

"Did you eat the carrots?" I asked. There were carrots in the rice. It was a totally logical question.

Mila disagreed with that assessment. She looked at me as if I was nuttier than a squirrel pantry and then replied, "Uh, no. I don't eat carrots. I'm not a bunny." She said it as if it was the most logical conversation in all of the land. Which, whatever.

We continued on a bit but then ran into someone I know. I stopped to chat for a minute, but of course Mila had more important things to say.

"I SAID I AM NOT A BUNNY!" she yelled at the person who was a total stranger to her.

I wonder why neighbors think I'm weird?

August 17 050


Six Eyes on the Road is Better than Two, I Suppose

Quiz time! You're driving down the street and suddenly someone in the car yells, "STOP!" Do you:

  1. Stop! The voices tell you what to do!
  2. Cautiously proceed while thinking about all of the ways you're probably about to die.
  3. Speed up because ain't no voices going to tell you what to do.
  4. Does it really matter? THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN THIS GAME.

The correct answer, of course, is #4. It seems obvious in retrospect, but I only figured out that was the correct answer after trying the first three options. They didn't really work out, you see.

Oh, I should probably mention that Mila figured out how traffic lights work. She's now very convinced that I need a little lesson because maybe I don't understand that green means go and red means stop. Just in case I am that oblivious, she keeps telling me.





By the way, she understands that green means go and red means stop, but she doesn't understand which light belongs to which people. So, she might be yelling "STOP!" because the traffic light 1/2 mile away and headed in the opposite direction turned red. She might also be referring to the traffic light that is ten feet ahead of us. There's no way to be sure until it's too late to be sure.

To summarize, Mila is now in charge of traffic lights. Which, that's just great because I still have Alexis who has never stopped being in charge of the speed limit. Between the two of them, I have the best back seat drivers a person could ask for.

August 17 016