2017 total: $12105.73
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Thursday
Feb082018

Oregon Trail Flashbacks

I'm going to go right ahead and date myself even more than I have repeatedly for the past ten years of blogging by asking you a question - remember how in Oregon Trail the deer ran but never got anywhere fast? Their little legs moved and moved but they seemed to take fooooorreeevvver to get across the screen.

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THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN REAL LIFE.

I was driving down a road and a deer decided to cross. It was running as fast as it could, moving its legs at top speed, but HOLY SMOKES IT DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE. It took that deer a good ten minutes to cross the street, or at least it seemed like ten minutes because the whole time I was standing on the brakes and hoping to avoid an accident.

The good news was that there were no other drivers nearby. The bad news was that Mila was in the car.

"Ook, mom! There's a reindeer!"

YOU DON'T SAY, KID.

"Is that one of Santa's reindeer?"

THAT'S ADORABLE. SHOOOOOOSH.

"I bet that Santa's reindeer. He should go home. He must be hungry."

HE'S NOT GOING TO BE HUNGRY WHEN I CRASH INTO HIM.

"I made reindeer food. I can share with him. Can we go home and get Santa's reindeer some reindeer food?"

YOU'RE STILL TALKING AND THAT DEER IS STILL RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD AND DAAAAAAAMMMMIT.

"He's so cute. I like reindeer. They're so cute."

THEY'RE CUTER WHEN THEY AREN'T GUTTED BY A CAR.

"Reindeer are soft. I like to touch them."

MY CAR NEEDS TO NOT TOUCH HIM.

"Can we stop and pet the reindeer?

STOPPING WOULD BE GREAT!

And then, FINALLY, the car came to a complete stop and the deer made it the rest of the way across the road. I said a silent "thank you" to the universe that the road wasn't icy and that the only damage was to my sanity. As we continued on our way, I finally said actual words out loud. I hadn't replied to any of Mila's questions because I was focused on stopping and I swear keeping quiet helps that happen faster. We chatted about the deer all the way home, with her continuing to be oblivious to the fact that we came within inches of murdering her friend.

This morning, as we jumped in the car, Mila asked to go visit "Santa's reindeer" again. She even told me which direction to turn.

At least somebody gets some enjoyment out of nearly crashing into the slowest running deer ever.

Wednesday
Feb072018

Favorite Things

I find it fascinating that Mila is already so opinionated about basically everything, so I thought it would be a good idea to document some of those opinions now so that I can compare over the years. Thus, I asked her a bunch of basic questions. My money says she changes her mind on basically the whole list. Eventually. Except maybe the last one.

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite thing to do: Play in the snow

Do you like cats better or dogs better? Cats. I like dogs, too.

Favorite TV show: PJ Max (PJ Masks)

Favorite song: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

Favorite food: Big noodles and no yuckies

Favorite place to go: Pittsburgh

Favorite thing to do at school: Play with Cadence

Favorite letter: D

Favorite number: 4

What do you want to be when you grow up? A witch

Of course, I can't acknowledge Mila's existence without Alexis showing up and being all, "MEEEE! I'M HERE! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" She asked me to toss the same questions her way, so whatever. Here are her answers, which will likely stay mostly intact because we're talking about Alexis.

Favorite color: Yellow

Favorite thing to do: Read and sit on the couch

Do you like cats better or dogs better? Cats

Favorite TV show: Vampire Diaries

Favorite song: Bohemian Rhapsody

Favorite food: Ice cream

Favorite place to go: New York City

Favorite subject at school: Health

Favorite letter: Z

Favorite number: 1,000,000

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Something to do with politics. (Wait three seconds and she will change this.) (She changed it twice before I could finish typing the sentence.) (And again.)

I fully embrace the diversity in their answers, but why is it that neither one of them wants to grow up to be wealthy enough to take care of me? They clearly need to get better at setting goals.

Jan18 021

Tuesday
Feb062018

Basic Life Skills with Siri

Alexis absolutely goes to effort to try to make me feel old. What she doesn’t realize is that it’s most effective when she isn’t trying. The accidental olds are WAY worse than the purposeful olds.

MY KID DIDN’T KNOW WHAT A BUSY SIGNAL WAS.

For a very long time, it has made Alexis crazy that I don’t call in to radio stations to try to win all of the things. The reason I don’t is pretty clear cut – we’re seemingly always in the car when listening to the radio and I can’t do that call and re-call thing while driving.

Alexis has her own phone now. SHE CAN CALL!

The first obstacle to her being in charge of trying to win stuff was for her to figure out how to dial a phone number. It turns out that the numbers I programmed for her before giving her the phone were all of the numbers she needed in life. She has never before had to press the numbers to make a call. On the rare days that she has called anyone prior to having her own phone, someone has done the dialing for her or she’s been able to use a stored number.

So there’s that. This generation doesn’t need to dial phone numbers. ::Blink::Blink::

The second obstacle was that she legit had no idea what that fast beep tone meant after she dialed. Apparently call waiting has been around her entire life so she didn’t even know it was possible for a number to be busy. ::Blink::Blink::Blink::

Once I explained busy signals, it came time to try calling again. The idea of hanging up and calling again was utterly confusing to she who doesn’t realize that you used to have to put actual money into phones on a street corner if you wanted to make a call when you weren’t home and don’t even think about talking about phones with a cord because ::Blink::Blink::Blink::Blink::

She will tell you that those only exist in offices and such.

We went back and forth for a long minute trying to understand how to hang up and call again. I thought maybe Alexis was starting to understand what I was saying, but then she definitely didn’t, but NO MATTER. THAT’S WHAT SIRI IS FOR.

“Siri, call the last number again,” she demanded.

I’ll be damned if Siri didn’t take all of the buttons out of the equation and just do it for her.

I remember thinking it was total garbage that we don’t have flying cars and robots and all of that yet (the Jetsons have been selling lies for a LONG time), but apparently I was just looking for the robots in the wrong places. They’re right there, making it so our kids don’t have to learn things that seemed so basic a bunch of years ago.

Man, I’m old.