Of All the Skills to Have

Sometimes I like to ponder what I think the girls will want to do when they grow up. It's not as much fun with Alexis just because she has an opinion about these matters already. Although, I would bet money that she won't end up in the career field she says she's going to choose. She's probably right about she won't do - I agree that it's unlikely she'll be a police officer or doctor - but I have a hunch she'll end up heading in a different direction that she is planning.

Mila, though. It's a wide open playing field for that girl.

Mila loves to argue. She's good at solving problems. She's creative. There are so many paths she could choose.

She's going to be the Captain of the Junk Food Police. I'm calling it.

I rarely buy junk food for snacks around the house. It's not that I think we're above chips and cookies and delightful crap like that; it's that we forget to eat it and it goes bad and I throw it away and blurgh. If we want junk, I'll bake a small quantity of something because packaged stuff rots in our pantry. I *hate* wasted food.

Thus, I just don't buy the stuff. And when I do, I hide it.

Don't bother to judge me for hiding junk food in our house. Every parent I know has snuck their favorite food into a dark corner because kids are the worst. If you are super looking forward to a bag of Doritos, you will absolutely find your family gathered around a kitchen counter eating the last crumbs just as you're ready to dig in.

Ask me how many times that exact scenario has played out. Just know that I can't count that high.

ANYWAY. On the rare occasions that I buy junk, I hide the junk. I then wait until everybody else is off doing something and I cuddle up on the couch with that junk.

And Mila shows up EVERY FREAKING TIME.

I have no idea how she does. I can legit hear soft baby snores coming from her bed then ten minutes later she'll be standing in front of me with her tiny hand outstretched as she says, "Can I have some, please?"


It doesn't matter if she's asleep, outside playing, or not even home. Somehow that kid ALWAYS knows when I'm about to enjoy a little junk and she somehow interrupts.

I think it might be her superpower.



A Perfect Day

We speak in code around here because that's what happens when there are toddlers listening and talking. You have to dance around words to avoid starting World War III (for example, "gymnastics" will lead to trouble every time) and you have to be able to interpret the oddest things.

"Ride kitty." Any sane person could spend days trying to guess what Mila could possibly mean when she says she wants to "ride kitty." Fortunately, I'm not sane so I know she's referring to the carousel in Oakland. Alexis is also not exactly sane, so she too knows what the request means. Except, while I translate it to "carousel in Oakland," she translates it to "Giant library in Oakland."

Yeah. So. Right now I have my children trained to think that riding the kitty and going to the giant library are a very special treat. They both kiss up so that they will get the opportunity. Mila for the carousel, Alexis for the library. (When I figure out how I managed to convince my kid that the library is a treat, I'm going to write a book and make millions. Just you wait.)

Here's the thing, though. What the girls don't seem to realize is that outing happens to be a special treat for me, too. I can't go to Oakland and not go to Wafflelonia, so there it is. The absolute perfect day ever.

Some time picking out books. A few minutes to inhale waffley awesomeness.A little time riding the kitty (or dragon, depending on what is available).





How to Hockey, According to Alexis

There's a part of me that thinks maybe we should move to Cleveland and become Browns fans because HOLY CATS my kids are spoiled. Alexis does not know life cheering for a team that sucks. Between Superbowls and dances with Lord Stanley and even the Pirates in the playoffs, she's used to winning.

And Mila. Heck, the Stanley Cup has been in Pittsburgh most of Mila's life. She literally does not remember life before it.

Fortunately for the girls, I'm not actually mean enough to put them through cheering for the Browns. I have genuine sadness for Browns fans because everyone should get that desperate feeling of hope for a championship in their life. For real. I would like the Browns to make the playoffs at some point in the near future. I can't even manage to dislike them when they're as bad as they have been in recent years.


The good news is that while the girls are spoiled, they also seem to more or less "get it." Age factors until they're level of understanding, of course, but let me just say that Alexis hockeys better than a whooooooole lot of people.

Case in point: she watched Game 6 with me. She saw that absolutely blown call that took the Preds goal away and she knew it was the right call. Like, she knew that play stops when the whistle blows, she heard the whistle, and she knew the goal was going to be called back.

(You're welcome, future partners. We have done an excellent job of schooling Alexis on the finer things. Enjoy.)

So, Alexis called that the goal wouldn't count and she thusly was SUPER confused when she found out Preds fans were complaining about it.

"Mom, don't they know the officiating is always bad in hockey?"


She continued her rant by pointing out that the bad officiating hurts everyone equally in the end. Like, it all washes. They blow one play for one team, but then they flip it to the other way later. But. but ... BUT!

The best.

The absolute best part is that in response to Nashville fans crying that the officials were why the Predators lost, Alexis said, "But they had two other periods to score. They even had a five on three! They totally had a fair chance to win and they didn't."

So. There. That is how you hockey, Nashville. Look to the eleven year old girl in my house for guidance because she's got this whole thing figured out.


(P.S. Later she mentioned that they only hockey fans that are justified in hating the Penguins are Capitals fans so clearly the kid has been paying a whole lot of attention. WHO KNEW?)