Let's remind ourselves of one thing: Alexis started life PAINFULLY shy. There's lots of proof around these parts, such as this post from when she was two or this one from when she was three. And when I say PAINFULLY shy, I legit thought I might have to re-attend grade school because NO WAY was she going to go anywhere without me. We were going to have to double-date when she was a teen, keep her company at college, and possibly live in her basement when she was an adult because she was scared of the world.
I'm REALLY, REALLY, REALLY glad we broke that right around when she started kindergarten. It wasn't working for anybody.
Annnnnnnd ... now the pendulum has swung the other way. The shy thing is gone. In fact, at some point in the last month or so, Alexis has started to figure out that she's hilarious. Which, she is. We know that. But, suddenly SHE knows it and has been bravely dropping one liners in public. She left a grocery store cashier in stitches not long ago when she commented on a tabloid cover. There was a story about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez getting back together, to which Alexis commented, "Selena Gomez is not THAT dumb. The only way they're getting back together is if he pays her."
She's eight, remember. If I had said it, it would have been a tiny bit maybe funny. Maybe. But Alexis saying it? HILARITY.
Now that she's trying to be funny, she keeps using humor to get herself out of awkward situations. For example, earlier this week she was in the bathroom when the husband thought it would be fun to knock on the door just to annoy her.
It worked. She was adequately annoyed as she yelled out, "Hey! Stop it!"
She was MORE than adequately annoyed because she went busting out of the bathroom aboard her Nag-agator 3000 and started nagging the husband left and right. He wasn't real interested and ignored her, so she turned to me.
(Slightly off topic -- she now only refers to me in ALL CAPS. You can hear it in her tone.)
"Can you believe Daddy knocked on the door while I was in the bathroom? Can't I have two seconds of privacy without someone just rudely ..."
I think maaaaaaybe my face gave away what I was thinking because she stopped mid-sentence. I didn't say anything, though. Instead, I waited.
"Annnnnd ... I think maybe I'll just stop right there because I do it to you all of the time. I am SO sorry!" she continued as she slowly backed out of the room and then ran upstairs faster than that kid in The Incredibles.
She knows she's funny. She's totally using it to keep me from giving her a piece of my mind.
If you can measure how much your kid's friend's parents like you by what they buy your kid for her birthday, I am WAY hated. WAY, WAY hated.
Alexis received a ton of Justice gift cards for her birthday.
She, of course, was over the moon and thought it was the Best. Birthday. Ever. I, of course, am a normal human being who doesn't particularly enjoy setting foot inside the hellmouth that is Justice.
But I did. For two hours. Because I like my kid and I like when she's happy. Staring at clothes that look like a unicorn threw up on them makes her happy, so for two hours she stressed over how to use her birthday gift cards while I watched.
Eventually she settled on a few items, including a black pair of leggings that happened to be capri length.
This all happened way back in February, which means those black capri leggings have been sitting in a drawer just staring at the poor kid for months. She wanted to wear them SO bad, but I'm mean and think you should cover your legs completely before heading out into freezing cold weather. There has been much drama over the whole thing, with the end result being that Alexis is allowed to FINALLY wear the capris when the temperature is forecasted to be at or above 70 degrees.
Guess what's happening tomorrow! 70 degrees! HOORAY!
As Alexis performed her daily weather forecast check, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "MOM! 70!" She didn't even have to say why she cared. I knew. We've had the same conversation daily for two months now.
"I guess that means you get to wear your Milli Vanilli pants tomorrow," I said, without realizing that I had just stuck my foot in my mouth.
"My WHAT?" she asked.
One thing led to another and before I knew it, the kid was watching this old video with me pointing to a pair of skin-tight black manpris and saying, "See? They're just like your pants."
Instead of focusing on that part, though, Alexis was more interested in the music. "You listened to THAT when you were in high school?" she said with an aura of disbelief that can only mean that I was losing at least 30 cool points at the moment.
"Not exactly," I replied. "It was something that was on the radio, though."
That was a true statement. I was all about Nine Inch Nails and Sheep on Drugs and other completely inappropriate yet totally fantastic music at the time. We didn't have a pop radio station in Minot, ND at the time (the only pop station in town switched to country while I was in high school), so I wasn't at much risk of hearing anything that wasn't on a CD.
I admit it.
I totally had the Milli Vanilli CD. STOP JUDGING ME. I truly didn't listen to it. I just owned it because there were no radio stations I could tolerate and I tried to have as many alternatives as possible.
Anyway, on and on the conversation went, with Alexis eventually determining that we should have listened to better singers.
Hello, rabbit hole! Let's travel down you and remember that Milli Vanilli didn't sing!
So THAT made for a fun conversation.
When all was said and done, the 8-year old had a newfound understanding of pop culture in the early 90's. She knew that her beloved capri leggings were very much so like Milli Vanilli pants and that they "sang" terrible music.
Instead of just leaving the conversation smarter, however, Alexis decided to make me feel like *I* am the one who acts like a grandma all of the time. "Mom, how come they never mentioned this Milli Vanilli thing on Full House?" she asked.
I, as most people probably would be, was totally and completely confused. "What?" I replied.
"Full House," she said. "That show with Michelle on it. I like watching it because it's like watching The History Channel from when you were a kid, but they never mentioned Milli Vanilli. It seems like something Uncle Jessie would mention."
I can't even.