2016 total: $2706.45


Christmas Crazy 2016. Volume 2.

Hey! So Christmas Crazy 2016 celebrated its one week birthday today, and it did it by surpassing the $1800 mark. (The nearly up-to-date total is always off to the right, just below the reindeer. -----> )


Good job so far, you guys.

Oh. Hey. #ChristmasCrazy

A photo posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Nov 28, 2016 at 2:55pm PST


But we've still got work to do. We've got about two more weeks to wrap up this madness, and I'd really super like to do it in the same fashion we did last year. That means we have roughly $8000 left to go, which seems impossible, but y'all have surprised me before.




Get your clicker finger ready and click your way over to the Amazon wishlist. There are tons of things to choose from, with a wide range of prices and such. Every item you purchase will end up at Center for Victims. They'll make sure a kid who is having a crap year has a little sunshine at Christmas.


From Christina in Glasgow. For reals. #ChristmasCrazy

A photo posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Nov 28, 2016 at 3:02pm PST


Or, if you'd rather throw some money into the pot, that's a good choice, too. The money will be used at the end to fill in any gaps. Usually that means gift cards for tweens and teens who might otherwise be left with no gifts at the holidays. Can you imagine being old enough to understand just how much your world is falling apart and then not getting anything for Christmas?



Let's show some kids the world is just as full of kindness as it always was.


BFFs with Satan's Doll

I realize that I have a teeny bit of history with dolls so this is going to sound a bit like I'm crying wolf, but YOU GUYS. MILA HAS FALLEN FOR A HELL DOLL.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Target. Target is the most wonderful place in all the land and thus I end up there often. Between Cartwheel and my happy little Red Card, it's the wisest place for me to purchase basically everything. So I do. Often, I have Mila with me.

Mila is not easy to shop with. The challenge is that she has a problem with being caged in a cart, but she also has a challenge with staying in the same zip code if I let her run free. She's a runner, that one. For about a month, getting through Target with her has taken an extra hour because she has wanted to see "the baby." There has been a doll that has spoken to Mila's soul and she kept asking to buy it over and over and over.

Reminder: this is the kid who usually doesn't ask for things. While I automatically say "No" out loud every 14.2 seconds when Alexis is around, I don't have to tell Mila no. She will generally put things away, no matter what.

But not this doll. She has asked for it every time and then she has carried it around and then she has been sad when we left it behind.

Thus, upon discovering it was a Black Friday deal and an extra $15 off, I threw it in our cart. I could have waited for it to be a Christmas gift, but it seemed like a good time to just let her have it.

So, we crawled in the car and started to leave Target. The doll was safely tucked in its box in the back. Mila really badly wanted it right that second, so Alexis eventually grabbed it and started the unboxing. The unboxing went well until Alexis became flustered by something she described as "cheap sunglasses." I had no idea what she was talking about, but I'm good at ignoring her. So.

A few stops later, Alexis reached a point where she couldn't unbox the doll any further. There were a few zip ties she just couldn't defeat, so I took the box and worked on separating the doll once and for all. I flipped the doll over to turn it on, yanked the tab that was keeping the battery from being used, and then it happened.

A hellmouth opened up right there in my car. We were just sitting there in the Dollar Store parking lot when BAM! HELLMOUTH!

Alexis shrieked.

Mila cried.

I quickly tossed the doll and its hellmouth over my shoulder. I figure that I keep the girls safe and fed just about every minute of every day. They can return the favor from time-to-time.

Mila was TERRIFIED of the thing.

Alexis declared it "creepy."

Alexis is smart, you guys.

Let's review the story to this point, shall we? Target. We bought a doll. It was in a box that led me to believe it was a pretty typical Cabbage Patch.


I mean, if I had looked closely, I might have caught that the eyes were LED.


But, really, there was nothing to be alarmed by.

Until I took off the "cheap sunglasses." The "cheap sunglasses" were plastic fake eyes that were being used to protect the world from the hellmouth that was buried deep in the doll's soul.






Neither did Mila. She wasn't just a little bit terrified of the thing, she was TERRIFIED of the thing. We finally agreed that it could stay in the car, but only if it was asleep. In the box. Far away from her.

Because its "asleep" face is so soothing and stuff.


I immediately made plans to return the doll. While I am totally cool with paying for therapy for the girls when they're bigger, I want it to be for fun reasons like the time I tricked them with mashed potato cupcakes. Genuine fear of a toy is not my kind of therapy cause.

Although, it is probably time that Mila moves to a toddler bed instead of a crib. Could I use the doll to keep her in her room at night? No?

NO. I could NOT use the doll to keep her in her room because when we returned home, the husband was all "your baby is cute" and "let's feed your baby" and YOU GUYS, HE NORMALIZED THAT FREAK SHOW.


That's how it happens. Somebody sees something and declares it unacceptable, but then somebody else is all "Maybe it's not so bad" and suddenly you're all standing around accepting this as okay.


It's not okay.

Not even a little bit.

But now Mila thinks it is. She keeps hugging the freak show and telling it that she loves it and ugh. My 2-year old is besties with Satan's doll.



Mila Never Gives Up

There are definitely kids who are worse, but that's only because there are ALWAYS kids who are worse. Mila still ranks high on the sucktacular scale as sucky when it comes to long car rides. She does fine running around town, but stringing multiple hours together leads to her figuring out that you've strapped her in and she can't move and GAAAAH! She wants to rip faces off.

The child does not like to be forced to sit still. It's a thing.

Fortunately, I have gotten smarter with age. I've also become better at reminding people how very terrible it was the last time we took her somewhere, so maaaaaybe listen to me and time our drives better? Yes?


While some people prefer to get up in the morning to drive far away, I have officially pulled the Mila Card and forced a ban on morning driving. We shall always travel late in the evening amen. Late in the evening increases the odds of Mila falling asleep and leaving us with peace and quiet. Driving to Indiana for Thanksgiving this week, my plan worked really well. Driving back, though?


Let's just say that Mila effectively made her point that we should never ever stop for gas. No matter what. We especially shouldn't do so after midnight because she turns into a Gremlin after midnight. Basically, we stopped for gas, the dogs turned into jerks (as they always do), and Mila ended up awake.


Mila screamed all the way from Wheeling to Pittsburgh. I kept trying to get her to use her words, which she met with, "NO! I don't wanna use my words!" followed by intense screaming. She wasn't even amused when I pointed out that by refusing to use words, she was using words. and whoops. She got madder when I applied logic.

Anybody got a solar car we could use for Christmas? I'm thinking if we just don't stop for gas, we might be fine.