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Thursday
Jun142018

I Really Don't Have My Act Together

I don't really know how I managed to forget other than the fact that the whole scenario played out at 4:00 in the morning. And yet, this morning when I pulled my dirty laundry out of my suitcase to throw it in the washer, I was all, "Huh? Why is this stuff wet?"

OH YEAH. BECAUSE I NEARLY DROWNED.

I have this rule. The rule is that you can't hand me things when I don't have a place to put them. I will, every time, lose them because I have to put things where they belong immediately. I know this about me. And, thus, I KNEW I would lose the car key when the husband handed it to me when I had my hands full of Mila. Miss Thing was busy doing the things she does and he handed me that key and KERBLUM. It was the start of a chain of events.

The chain of events rolled on a mere 6 hours later when I got up and was ready to leave for the airport. My flight to Colombia was scheduled for 7:00 am, which means I needed to be at the airport by like 5:00ish, which means I needed to leave the house at OMGTHATISDUMB o'clock.

It was REALLY early. Some weekends I'm still up at the time I was done sleeping for the night.

I had everything packed and was ready to head out the door exactly on time, but then I couldn't find the dumb car key. 20 minutes later (Hahaha ... ::sob::), I finally had the key in my hand and was ready to go for real. In that 20 minutes, though, a thing happened.

The skies opened up and dumped a week's worth of rain on Pittsburgh. It rained and rained and rained and so much rain was falling from the sky. By then, I was already running late, so I couldn't put out an all points bulletin for an umbrella. I knew where one was, but I didn't have the key to that car and another one was definitely under my desk at work and CRAP. It was the kind of rain that doesn't allow you to just duck your head and run so I really super needed an umbrella. Also, the people of the house were sleeping near the back door so I needed to go out the front door so as to not wake them up. Our front door is approximately 8 miles from our cars. 9 if I'm parked where I belong.

So I stood there, crippled by indecision. Did I really want to be wet for the rest of the day, especially the 7 or so hours that were to be spent on a plane?

NO WORRIES! I didn't have to make that choice! Because Mila left her umbrella in the kitchen! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!

By the way, Mila's Minnie Mouse umbrella is Mila-sized. It's so little and cute and I love when she carries it because it's so tiny.

So ... it turns out that when it's raining buckets and you use an umbrella that's appropriately sized for someone who is too short to reach the light switches, you're basically just keeping your head dry. Sort of. Your shoulders may actually extend beyond the umbrella, which means your hair might get wet and HEY! Guess what made the whole thing better! I was wearing an ankle-length maxi dress. So basically my dress was swooshy and wide enough to need eleven Minnie umbrellas in order to stay dry. While one Minnie umbrella is better than no Minnie umbrellas, there is no mistaking the fact that the mini part of Minnie was a problem.

I was drenched by the time I got to the car.

And then I got to the airport and it was still pouring.

That is the story of why a cranky business lady was wandering through the Pittsburgh Airport while holding a Minnie Mouse umbrella and dripping wet from head to toe. In case you were wondering.

Wednesday
Jun132018

It's Good to Share, but Not THAT Much

Forgive me, internet, for it has been three days since my last cup of coffee.

I KNOW. I KNOW! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

There was exactly one thing that people said to me in the past few weeks upon hearing I was headed to Colombia, "Bring me back some coffee!" It seems so logical. Juan Valdez and his crew clearly are the source of the heavenly unicorn glitter magic that is the coffee bean. And Juan lives in Colombia. If he lives in Colombia, surely he shares his magic with the locals!

NOPE.

Are you as stunned as I was? Because I was stunned. I walked all over Cartegena and saw exactly one coffee shop and it pretty much sucked. It wasn't even a real coffee shop. How is this possible? Well, I'm glad you wondered the same thing I wondered - they export it all.

All of that magic growing in their backyards and they export it.

As the native Colombian I asked explained this to me, he dropped a few other nuggets. Global warming is causing coffee production to decline. As in, it has declined by over 30% in the past 10 years. If global warming continues, the poor Colombians will never know how magnificent their coffee is because it won't grow there anymore. Or anywhere, apparently.

So basically, as soon as I set foot in Pittsburgh, I'm going to drink ALL of the coffee. Not only will it make me kinder (because no coffee = grumpypants), but it's best that I drink as much as I can before supply and demand cause it to be too expensive for me.

It's a sad future we're leaving for our kids.

June18 041

Tuesday
Jun122018

I Can Go Home Now

Colombia is lovely. Let's start there. I'm in Cartegena, which is a coastal city that centers a lot of itself around tourism, so of course everything is lovely. I can walk 30 steps from my hotel and be at the beach. That's a victory, even if I am here for work and thus don't have time for much playing. Still. Lovely.

Buuuuut ... let me just describe a moment to you.

We're coming up on winter, which means that darkness falls right around dinner time. It may be 90 degrees and humid, but winter is the season of darkness. Thus, after having a quick dinner with co-workers, we began walking back to the hotel even as the sun was setting behind us. One person asked to stop at a store to buy souvenirs for his kids, which was a solid idea. I should consider finding souvenirs for my girls. Maybe I'll get around to that before I return.

MAYBE.

Anyway, I didn't need to go into the store, so I stood outside enjoying the weather. Normal people are complaining it's too hot but I think it's perfect and, really, I could hug 90 degrees. So I was standing there, thinking that this part of Colombia is lovely, when it happened.

A cockroach ran across my foot. And not just any cockroach, but a cockroach big enough to wear a dog leash. The bones in my foot were crushed under the weight of the giant cockroach.

Sooooo ... if you need me, you'll have to wait. I'm busy sawing my foot off because I simply can't take it home with me.