Mila and Donald are Basically Twinsies

There isn't much you can count on with a toddler, but you can be sure that no matter what the mood is, it will change. Very quickly. Like wooooosh! Happy to sad! Gleeful to angry! Sweet to hulksmash!

Unless it's a terrible, no good, very bad day, that is. In that case, the mood lingers like the odor of a sippy cup filled with milk left under the seat in your car for two weeks.

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad day in Mila's world. She was half battling a cold, half trying to cut a tooth, half exhausted, and half frustrated that I'm so bad at math. Miserable was what she was. Between her yells and her fits, I described her mood as somewhere between fire-breathing dragon and Donald Trump.

That's when it dawned on me. Mila. Donald Trump. They're basically twinsies. YOU GUYS.

Donald Trump is a toddler. I can prove it.

1. Hair check! Who has crazier hair, a toddler or The Donald? It's a really close contest.


2. A real conversation that I've had with Mila many times goes like this:

Mila: "Up!"

I bend over and pick up the child.


Me: "So you don't want up?"


Ask Donald Trump to give his stance on basically anything and you'll have the same argument. He said this, but no he didn't, and didn't you hear him already say that? HE DID NOT SAY THAT, STUPID.

So confusing.

3. One of Mila's favorite things to do is to throw her water cup. Screw the consequences, she has no use for that water. Water is stupid. Water never helped anyone.

The same could be said for The Donald's attitude towards immigrants. They're useless and stupid. Just like water.

4. Toddlers and Donald Trump have nearly identical planning skills. For example, yesterday Mila had a great idea. She discovered that refried beans are amazing. Everybody likes refried beans! They should be shared, even! With all the things! So she rubbed refried eyes in her eyes.

It totally makes sense. If refried beans are delicious in your mouth, they should be even more delicious in your eyes.

Donald Trump's "tax plan" is just as well thought through as Mila's refried beans plan.

5. Argue with a toddler. Argue with Donald. SAME RESULT!

6. The faces.


7. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a toddler? One second you're talking about eating dinner an the next thing you know aardvark economy genius.

Oh, wait. That's Donald that switches topics mid-sentence.


8. True story: While walking through a corn maze this weekend, Mila became absolutely certain that the direction we were headed was wrong. It was her way or nothing at all, dammit. SHE WAS RIGHT. THE END. STOP ARGUING.


Sound familiar?

The good news is that I can be certain that Mila will outgrow this whole I'm-always-right-you're-so-dumb-crazy-face phase.

I hope.




I know this whole internet world is supposed to be make-believe. It's supposed to be filled with trolls and pedophiles and all of that, but this.


This is a bunch of kids who have known each other their entire lives. While they live in the same city, it is literally an hour from one of their homes to another and then another hour to the other and so on. They would have never met if not for the internet.

I mean, technically it's that we met online and then our kids sort of had to follow us wherever we went. Whatever.


The point is these kids have friends they've met through activities and school and all sorts of things, but they also have a bunch of friends they met because of the internet. Sometimes they go months without seeing each other, but each time they do see each other, they instantly fall into that comfortable sort of rhythm you find with people you've known and liked for a long time. It takes 0.0000000000001 seconds for them to run off squealing with delight. Ruckus laughter rises from their playtime.

They truly get along so very well. They're all very different with a wide variety of interests and backgrounds and lives, but they click. Perfectly.


You can even take away a kid here and there or toss in a new one, and they still get along like the best of friends.


It's pretty amazing.



They've been doing this friendship thing for a long time now (photo from 2012) (OMG).

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And I positively guarantee that when they are grown adults with children of their own, they'll still stay in touch. It might be through an occasional phone call, or maybe an in-person meeting. Or maybe they'll stay in touch via the internet.


S'mores Bars

Somewhere between the 4th of July that I swear was yesterday and the Labor Day that absolutely must still be in the future, Alexis became obsessed with all things s'mores. I don't know why. It's just a thing. I have obliged by making all of the s'mores things.



This recipe comes from the back of the can of sweetened condensed milk. It's nothing fancy, but it's easy to throw together quickly. That makes it a better idea late in the evening than the cupcakes I need to remake and post because the evidence of the recipe perfection disappeared before I could photograph them.

Not that I'm bitter.

(I'm bitter.) (I'll just go drown my bitterness in a S'mores Bar now.)

S'mores Bars

2 cups crushed graham crackers
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk, divided
1 12-oz bag milk chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 16-oz bag mini marshmallows

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a medium mixing bowl, combine the graham crackers, melted butter, and 1/2 cup of the sweetened condensed milk.

3. Pour the graham cracker stuff into a 13 x 9" baking pan. Press down with your hands to smoosh it into the pan, making a relatively even crust.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for about five minutes, or until it starts to puff up.

5. Remove the graham cracker crust from the oven and set aside.

6. In a large saucepan, heat the chocolate chips and remaining sweetened condensed milk. Stir until the chocolate chips are melted and everything is well blended. Add the vanilla and stir a little more.

7. Pour the chocolate mix on top of the crust and spread evenly.

8. Pour the mini marshmallows over top.

9. Bake the whole shebang for about five minutes, or until the marshmallows puff up nicely. Then turn the broiler on hi and cook until the marshmallows turn a little brown. Keep an eye on things because the little brown sneaks up on you and turns into burned to a crisp very quickly.

10. Place in the refrigerator. The bars are ready to eat when they are thoroughly cooled. Cut with a knife that has been placed on warm running water for a few minutes.