Like Stealing Donuts from a Baby

Every Thursday, while Alexis practices flipping through the air at gymnastics class, Mila and I sneak away to Dunkin' Donuts. We would stay and watch the flipping, but it's far too crowded and impossible to find the Big Kid in the midst of the chaos, so donuts are better.

Way better.

We find our way to the inside of the Dunkin' Donuts because I need to lay eyes on my prey in order to  select it. But no worries, I move in for the kill very quickly. I have a hierarchy of donuts that is thoroughly developed. That means that I know I'm starting with Boston Creme and working my way through Chocolate Frosted before landing on Sour Cream. I'm fine with whichever of the three I get, but my preference goes in that order.

While I'm at it, I grab a jelly donut for the husband, something with apple filling for Alexis, and Mila gets a blueberry donut. There's no hierarchy of preferences for the crew. If Dunkin' has what they want, great. If not, I skip it.

Donut trips are about me, clearly.

There's a weird thing that happens every Thursday, though. I crash into the store, all ready to rattle off my choices, but I always end up behind someone who isn't ready. Every. Single. Week. There's always a group of people who are together and who can't decide between a half dozen or a dozen donuts. Thank goodness they don't realize they can buy 8 or 9 donuts because the choices would drive them to madness.

Once they settle on the quantity, they spend ten minutes trying to select flavors. Which, whatever. It confuses me when people don't have a plan by the time they're at the front of the line, but let's just pretend the indecision isn't dumb. I mean, it is, because all donuts are delicious and there are no losers in this game, but whatever. Be indecisive. I can wait.


Possibly sweating a little as I silently will the people to stay away from that last one that I need.

It always happens, you know? There's ONE LAST Boston Creme and you want it. You are ready to commit yourself to a fabulous relationship, but standing in the way is that person who isn't sure what they're looking for in a donut relationship.

"Maybe ... ummmmm ... can I have the .... " the order takes days to complete. The whole time they are pausing, you stand there muttering, "The Boston Creme is mine, bitch." Or maybe it's just me that does that. Regardless, there you are ready to commit and they're still thinking about dating. And yet! They can stop you from touching your beloved!

Tonight the people in front of us took the last blueberry donut. Indeed, they stole the baby's donut with her sitting right there looking at it.

I was sad for Mila.

But not THAT sad because I got what I wanted.

I'll be sure to make it up to Mila in the morning. By then I will have forgotten that I bought donuts and will be all surprised when there are some on the kitchen table. It'll be great.


Fun Around the Corner

Mila found the playroom.

Mostly her increasing ability to find things that she remembers but can't see is pretty fantastic. She's better at remembering where she left her pacifiers than I am, for example. But that whole "I'm just going to meander over to the opposite side of the house thing" is a challenge.

A big challenge.

Considering how much noise the Tiny Human makes at all times of day, she sure does know how to silently sneak off to another room. And don't get me started on how FAST she is. Yesterday, in the time it took me to walk a paper towel four feet to a garbage can, she was gone. Zoom zoom!

Mostly, though, it's fine. It's fine that she goes to the playroom because it's the PLAYROOM. It's the place where kids are supposed to go when they want to play. It's a safe place for Mila to explore, tear things apart, and smash out a beautiful tune.

Or at least it's a safe place now. There was much cleaning and organizing and purging that had to take place in order for Mila to be able to be in there without constantly  tripping on choking hazards. During the great purge/organize/clean, Alexis was sooooooo annoyed. I basically took away all of the fun stuff, in her opinion. It was so horrible that Alexis declared she was never going to go in the playroom again.

Yeah, it's SO boring in the playroom now. There's nothing at all for Alexis to do.

Nothing at all.


Mila Thought He Was Awesome, For The Record

"Let's stop and get Mila's photo taken with the Easter Bunny," I said. A quick glance around the mall revealed that there was absolutely no line to meet the fuzzy jelly bean pooper. Mila was wearing a cute spring dress and was in a fantastic mood. It was perfect.

"Nooooo!" Alexis cried. "I don't want to get a picture with the Easter Bunny!" she continued.

I knew she would say that. There's history there, and it's all bad. Alexis' fear of the Easter Bunny runs deep. But it was fine because I wanted MILA'S photo with the Easter Bunny. There was no need for Alexis to do something she wasn't comfortable doing.

I tried explaining as much.

I was met with much arguing. SO much arguing. Alexis went on and on about how terrible the Easter Bunny is, how she didn't want a photo, and how we should just leave right that second. It was madness with me saying, "That's fine. Don't do it." and her continuously insisting that she wasn't doing it.

I'm not sure why the kid couldn't figure out that we were in completely agreement. She wanted to fight about it, and fight she did. Over and over.

Finally, as we approached the Easter Bunny, I told Alexis to stop talking, take the stroller, and stay right where she was. I scooped up Mila and walked towards the Easter Bunny.

And was passed by a neon blur.

Who sat down.

And acted like she was supposed to be there.

Kids are so damn confusing.