November18 036


The Myth

There's stacks and stacks of books and miles of articles about the topic, but let me just go ahead and say it out loud -- Work/life balance is about as real as a sparkly rainbow unicorn walking across the street. It's a mythical creature that can't actually be found. I'm fully aware that things come and go, some days you do things right, but other days you screw them up. "Balance" isn't about paying the right amount of attention to the right things; it's about not letting the wrong things take over completely.

I've been toeing that line lately. Like, WOAH.

And man is Mila paying the price.

Lately, work has been extra. There's no word after "extra" because ain't nobody got time to read the long list of things about it that have been "extra." EVERYTHING has been extra. It's a lot dipped in everything drizzled with so much. I have a finite amount of patience in my well and by the time I leave work at the end of the day, it's all gone. The well is dry. There is no patience left for anyone else.


The good news is that Mila doesn't seem to notice when I just can't. She is happy to carry a one-sided conversation; sometimes she prefers it. She is perfectly willing to be exuberant in the presence of people who are ignoring her. She just flits about as happy as can be and really doesn't care if you join in on her fun or not. She often literally dances circles around me while I sit still and is totally okay with it.

Thank goodness. She's definitely the right kid who came along at the right time. She might even escape this time of extra without any major damage. Maybe.

I don't mention this so people can give advice or feel pity or anything. I mention it because I am absolutely positive there are like three people reading this right now who are all, "ME TOO" and I just want to say "I see you." You're doing fine. We all have those days, weeks, months, and years.

There's no such thing as balance. But that's okay because kids are magical little creatures even when we're mostly ignoring them.

November18 064


Little Sisters. Geesh.

Sometimes I ponder the fact that in a short six years, Alexis will be moving out of the house. She'll be leaving Mila to be a sort of "only child" OMG. For the first time ever, Mila will have the run of the house. More than she does now.

Which, Mila idolizes Alexis. She looks up to her, copies her, adores her, torments her, all of it. Everything Mila does somehow circles back to her big sister. It's the best.

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Mila has almost no experience existing without her sister around. On the nights that Alexis stays over at a friend's house, Mila is SO lost. She whines and cries and wants her sister oh so badly.

But then her sister returns and Mila goes back to torturing her. Of course.

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Mila gets away with all of this torture for one simple reason - while she is definitely mean at times, it's only something like 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time, Mila showers Alexis with pure love. She is constantly saying, "I love you" and hugging her sister and giving her kisses and, really, there's so much happy between them.

But then there's that 10% of the time. Mila can be such a butthead.

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Once you see it, you can't unsee it. This came after Mila said, "I love you!" and asked for a kiss. So.

And that's why I know for a fact Alexis will move out in six years. She's going to need to just so she can regain her sanity.