It's Name is Monkey, Of Course

I'm sure I've bragged about this before, but here it comes again -- Mila doesn't ask for things when we go shopping. She might pick up a toy and carry it around for a few minutes, but it's unusual. She is a big fan of putting things away, so her normal is to pick things up, look at them for a minute, and then put them right back. On the odd occasion when she holds on to something longer, I can generally tell her to "put the baby to bed" or "pick up" or whatever and she does.

It's impressive in its simplicity.

(It's probably worth noting that she will fight me for candy. She's been known to pile as much on the belt at the register as she can. It looks like some sort of comedy skit with her throwing something up there, me or Alexis returning it, only to have her going the opposite direction with another armful of candy.) (Even better was the time she decided she would just start eating a pack of Rolos as fast as she could while I tried to unload our shopping cart. I paid for the Rolos, handed them to Alexis, and let her eat them in front of Mila. Who's the meanest mom? I AM!) (It seems Mila got the message on that one. She hasn't tried that trick since.) (More parenthesis! Woo!)

The fact that she doesn't ask for things results in Mila not getting things. She just doesn't seem to care. I guess Alexis' existing endless supply of crap is enough to keep the Tiny Human happy.

Alexis' endless supply of crap. That's a real thing. It may eventually be the name of her band because HOOBOY does that child like to hoard all of the things. She sleeps with so many stuffed animals that I can't even look in her room because there are all of the things staring at me. It's ... creepy.

But somehow there is always room for more.

A recent obsession with kangaroos means that Alexis was really very certain she couldn't leave the zoo without a new stuffed kangaroo. Which, whatever. She has money. If she wants to waste it on more stuffed creatures, fine. But if Alexis is getting something, it seems like Mila should get something. Mila wouldn't pick something, so I picked something for her and, well, now this is happening.


That orungatun. It is nearly as big as Mila and yet she has drug it absolutely everywhere since Sunday.


At least she's appreciative on the rare occasions that we buy her something.


Go See Animals

Somewhere between the 7th time she went there for a field trip and the 50th time I made her go because we have a membership, Alexis grew tired of the Pittsburgh Zoo. It's not their fault, truly. It's because there is a limit to the number of times you can see the same things within a relatively short amount of time. Over the years, I've found ways to get Alexis' interest back, but it has required some effort for a while.

And then there's Mila. Mila has crash-landed into peak THE ZOO IS AWESOME ZOMG! She would go every day if it were possible because there are birds and monkeys and cats and ALL OF THE THINGS ARE AMAAAAAZZZING. Mila woke up every day last week asking to "go see animals" so by the time Sunday rolled around, I was out of excuses.

Thus, two kids piled into the car. One wanted to go with all of her might. The other was willing to go because I had promised her possession of my phone so she could play Pokemon Go.

(You can stop trying to tell me the game is dumb now. Watching Alexis groan and mumble "Go away" to imaginary bats is FANTASTIC, as is that thing where she wants to walk around outside all of the time these days.)

In the interest of full disclosure, my plan was to photograph it all. That's what was in it for me -- an opportunity to take lots and lots of photos of the girls. But, that's not how it played out.

The first part of the plan worked like a charm. Mila was as happy as can be looking at the animals. Alexis and her Pokemon Go plan, however, fell apart. Somewhere between flamingos and the lions, Alexis looked at me, visually caressed my camera, and then sweetly asked to take possession. The idea was that she would take a photo or two, but the reality became that I didn't get my camera back the rest of the day. Alexis didn't just take over official photographer duties, she demanded that I teach her how to actually use the camera. By the time we left, she was changing shutter speed correctly while in manual mode.

There would have been tears of pride, but I was too annoyed that my brilliant plan to photograph the day didn't pan out the way I wanted.

It's a really good thing Alexis did a good job.




How Feminism is Born

"Which movie should we see? Life of Pets or Ghostbusters?"

"I heard Ghostbusters was really bad."

"Really? It just came out. Who already saw it and thought it was bad?"

"I don't think they have seen it yet, but everybody says it's bad."

"Huh. Did you wonder why they are so sure it's bad if they haven't actually seen it?"

"No. I guess I could ask."

"Well, I know why some people are saying it's bad. Maybe your friends are saying it for the same reason."


"Well, some people are mad because the Ghostbusters are women in the new movie."


"The first Ghostbusters had all men and the new one is all women. There are some people who think that ruins the movie."


"I think it is, yes."

"Women can do anything men can do. Actually, they can do more because women can give birth. Women probably make better Ghostbusters than men because they're tough enough to have a baby!"

"I'm not saying they're right. I'm just saying there are some people who don't like that the Ghostbusters are women."

"Well, those people need to shut their mouths until they've seen the movie."

"So I take it you want to go see Ghostbusters?"


Thanks for lighting a fire under Miss Alexis, sexist jerks of the world.