Let's Just All Be Losers, Please

There is this thing that is happening where cheerleading is totally and completely taking over our lives, but it hasn't yet taken over this blog. There are multiple reasons for that, but chief among them is that it's hard to navigate those waters without giving away too much. For example, no offense, but it's none of your beeswax which school district we live in, so I'm not about to post photos of Alexis in her uniform.

It's pretty darn adorable, but a total giveaway.

(It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust that one guy over there. You know, the weird one. He doesn't really need to know where Alexis goes to school. So.)

Anyway.

At the risk of giving away a little more than I really want to, I *have* to write out this story because someday I want to shove it in Alexis' face and laugh maniacally. I'm THAT great of a mom. NEENER NEENER, KID. YOU ARE A DORK. A DORK WHO IS SUPER DISAPPOINTED THAT YOUR TEAM KEEPS WINNING.

And by "keeps winning" I mean the team that Alexis cheers for is undefeated going into the playoffs. They have outscored their opponents by a cumulative score of something like 150- 30, and I'm really not exaggerating. Football is serious business around these parts, and it shows. Even the little kids dominate.

For most people, this is very excellent news. Alexis is not, however, "most people." Alexis is a special butterfly who is seriously very sad that they keep winning. "But, MOM! It's no fun ALWAYS winning!" she has said multiple times.

It's not just that it's no fun, though. It's that it's interfering with her cheer style. There is some sort of "nice try" cheer and she REALLY, REALLY wants to perform it. I don't even know the words to it or anything because see above. Undefeated. By a lot.

Every week, without fail, Alexis walks into the football stadium saying that she really hopes they lose that week. Every week, without fail, Alexis walks out of the football stadium disappointed that she didn't get her way.

Of course, if you're on twitter, you already know the next part. The next part is that we figured out a consolidation prize for her. It turns out that she can't count on her football team to lose, but she can count on the Steelers to lose this season. That has worked out well for her multiple times, which GAH. SOB. GRRRR. I don't understand this thing where the Steelers are bad. It's weird.

Also weird is the fact that Alexis left football super disappointed again this week because her team blew away their opponent. Again this week I placated her by saying, "At least you have the Steelers." But then the Steelers went and did that thing where they won.

Alexis, upon hearing the news, proclaimed, "MOM. I can't even count on the Steelers! This is horrible!"

So, I'm sorry for this, but I'm going to have to join the kid in hoping the Steelers just keep on sucking this year. It's for my sanity because disappointed kids are annoying kids.

Italian Dressing (From Scratch!) and Linguini Salad

We've already covered the part where I am turning into one of those people who purposely makes salad dressing instead of buying it, so let's go ahead and reveal my Italian Dressing recipe. It tastes about 38319857193284 times better than anything that you'll find in a bottle, plus you have total control over it. Want less salt? Fine! Want it to be red? Use red wine vinegar! Prefer your Italian Dressing to be yellow? OK, they make white wine vinegar that will work just fine for that! Want a dressing you can throw on Linguini Salad?

Yeah, it totally works for that, too.

It works for EVERYTHING, actually. Salads, sandwiches, pasta ... you name it. Everything in this world can be made better with Italian Dressing.

The only "catch" is that it is going to separate just as fast as you can make it. So do most store bought Italian Dressings, so I personally don't have a problem with having to shake up the bottle before I use it. It definitely bothers me more to ponder what they heck some companies do to their Italian Dressings that keeps them from separating. It goes against science, if you think about it.

On the other hand, science says this stuff will hold for a loooooong time. And it does. I keep it in the fridge for months and months on end.

Italian Dressing

1 cup white wine vinegar (or red ... it just depends on what color you want your dressing to be)
1 cup olive oil
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon honey
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper

1. Throw all of the ingredients in a container and shake. I use a water bottle I found at the dollar store -- it has a pour spout and is all around perfect for holding dressing.

Since that was so hard, how about we throw in the Linguini Salad Recipe as well?

Linguini Salad
1 pound linguini, cooked according to the instructions on the box
2 cucumbers, diced
2 tomatoes, diced (throw out the gooey seed part)
2 cans sliced black olives
2 cups Italian Dressing

1. Drain the pasta, rinse it with cold water, and throw it in a bowl.

2. Throw the other stuff on top of it. Toss until the linguini is well-coated.

3. Refrigerate until it's time to serve.

Chasing Hot Air