Balance In The Glittery Universe

Alexis has a plan for world domination. It is perfectly summed up with this:

For the record, I think All Of The Things about that cheer. ALL OF THEM. I'm just going to shut up about them because Alexis likes it and whatever.

WHATEVER.

It's kind of easy to be WHATEVER about how very girly that girl strives to be. While she's busy fussing about her hair, throwing glitter on every surface, and stressing out over every detail of her outfit, she has a flaw in her plan. A big flaw.

The girly girl likes sports. A lot.

She would happily don a bling-encrusted pink Steelers jersey, but she would even more happily grab a basketball and shoot some hoops in the driveway. She spends twenty minutes every Monday putting her hair into the most perfect ponytail, but then she runs out on a soccer field and kicks some ass.

Speaking of kicking ass, I think her most favorite sport is beating on boys.

I don't understand this thing that is non-stop wrestling, hitting, punching, and taunting of cousins, but I know it's genetic. Also, NOT IT.

THOSE AREN'T MY GENES.

I tried to stop the whole thing one time and was told all about how the husband and his brothers/cousins/everyone used to do the exact same thing. If nobody is bleeding, stay out of it. It's just better that way.

The girly girl keeps pace with the boys in the wrestling department, gives them grief about how she's better at basketball than them (she's not, but it's funny that she thinks she is), and keeps up with them during baseball, soccer, kickball, dodgeball, hockey, and whatever else they want to do.

She's the girly girl who would rather play ball with with the boys than sit and preen with the girls.

And it's perfect.

Partners in Crime

A Different Kind of American Girl Doll

Evil arrives in the mailbox entirely too often. I've mentioned it before and I'll mention it again -- whoever gave the American Girl Doll people our address needs to locked in a room with whiny army of small girls who have no concept of money. Just for kicks, I'm going to make sure the girls all have kazoos and giant bottles of glitter, by the way.

Oh, and Justin Bieber. He's going in the room, too.

It only seems fair.

Fortunately, The Twitters agrees with me that the American Girl Doll catalog is evil. Even more fortunately, The Twitters usually gets home before we do, so I usually have a fair warning that there is a stupid catalog in the mailbox.

SORRY, ALEXIS. No, you can't get the mail! I have something I have to burn!

Those catalogs make great kindling. I'm just sayin'.

But every once in a while one of those stupid catalogs ends up in the still-chubby little hands of a certain toothless 7-year old. Find me some cheese because once that girl gets her paws on that thing, there is much whine. And need for wine.

"Can I have this?" "How about that?" "And this?" "MOM, I NEED THIS."

That statement curtails into a lovely conversation about needs versus wants, but whatever. By the time we get to that point, I've already lost my mind.

But now. NOW. I TAKE IT ALL BACK.

You guys, American Girl Doll clothing fits the kitten. Really well.

So I'm going to go ahead and order one of everything.