The Problem Solver

There comes a time when you look back on your life and think, "CRAP. Paybacks are going to be a B-I-T-C-H."

That time came to me pretty much the day Alexis was born. As I gazed into her wide open eyes (because she didn't sleep then either), my entire life flashed before me. Memories of sneaking out of my parents house, recollections of lies I had told ... all of it. It all came flooding back.

I was entirely too smart for my own good when I was a kid. My parents paid one hell of a high price because of it.

Paybacks are a bitch.

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Early Saturday morning, I scurried around the house. I had a photography class scheduled to start at 9:00 am, and I had yet to throw together some snacks, assemble the manuals, and set up the dining room as a classroom.

As I quickly threw the Apple Pecan Biscuits in the oven, I grabbed the red box out of the family room. I didn't need to open it know what was inside because sometimes paybacks take the form of a kid who is even more OCD about sorting toys in boxes than I am. The small red box is home to the My Little Ponies. Nothing else is allowed to be in there.

I tossed the box on top of the dining room table and walked back to the kitchen to grab the napkins. I didn't give it another thought.

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As I rushed the husband and Alexis out the back door, the participants for the photography workshop began to knock on the front door. The class started shortly thereafter. We kicked it off with introductions and time spent laying the groundwork for better photography.

Words and buttons and concepts were explained and reviewed, and then it came time to put them to use. As the participants prepared to take some photographs, I walked toward the table to grab the red box.

It wasn't there.

I knew I had put it there, but maybe I had moved it? I looked and looked, but didn't see it anywhere. Thinking perhaps I had dreamt the part where I carried it into the dining room, I scurried over to the family room.

It wasn't there.

I checked the playroom.

Nothing.

And then I realized what had happened.

Alexis HATES when I use her toys for photography classes. HATES is very intentionally in CAPS LOCK because that is the level of her fury. I don't know why it makes her twitch uncontrollably, but HOOBOY. It totally does.

The easiest way to make sure your mom doesn't use your toys for her photography workshop is to hide the toys. That's what Alexis did. She saw the red box sitting on the table and thought to herself, "Oh, hell no!" and tucked it away where I wouldn't find it.

She admitted as much hours later when I asked her if the My Little Ponies had walked away.

Paybacks are a bitch. I know I'm in for it because the kid is SO much better at forcing the world to let her have her way than I was when I was her age.

A Really Great Saturday Night

The first ever Rock n Roll Live Costume Karaoke benefiting Haitian Families First took place this past Saturday, and I think it would be a mistake if I didn't admit one little fact.

I hate karaoke. A LOT.

I went anyway. Which, you know what's weird? I went by myself and had absolutely no angst about that. I wish I could go back and tell High School Me that I would eventually be able to do that sort of thing. She wouldn't have believed it, but whatever. She just hadn't found her mojo yet.

ANYWAY. I hate karaoke, but I purposely went to a karaoke event.

I'm so glad I did. It turns out that I hate karaoke except when there is a live band. HOOBOY does that make a difference, especially when the live band is absolutely fantastic.

For as much as I wanted to yell at them to turn it down and get off my lawn, I also wanted to hang out and listen to them play. Maybe I'm not so old after all?

Just go with me on that, please.

There were a lot of highlights of the night. A LOT. I'd count this one in the top three:

Randy Baumann of WDVE spent a few minutes as the center of the universe as he was serenaded by my friend Laura and Katie O'Malley of the Penguins. Let's just say he didn't hate it.

Former KDKA Traffic Guru Jim Lokay happened to be home visiting family this weekend which meant he had a chance to prove he can sing.

It turns out that he can sing. I think. I can't be entirely sure because I was very distracted by people in costumes(?) at that point. If I had photos of the bizarreness that I think was a costume, I'd post them here. It's probably for the best that I didn't think to snap a pic.

Right after Lokay sang his heart out, I spent about ten minutes standing by the ballot boxes. There was a contest running that night between Sally Wiggin of WTAE, mayoral candidate Bill Peduto, and Mikey and Bob of KISS FM. The basic premise was that whoever ended up with the most money in their box would have to sing.

So, I stood there. And watched. $20 went into Wiggin's box. Then another $10. Then another $5. Then another $20. I'm not even kidding, I saw hundreds of dollars go into Wiggin's box and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING end up in the other boxes.

And yet, this happened.

Mikey and Bob "lost" and had to sing Miley Cyrus.

I was positive the vote had been fixed. It turned out I was wrong, though. Instead of fixing the vote, Wiggin bought her way out of singing. She stuffed the boxes to her own favor so she wouldn't have to sing.

Well played, Sally. Well played. I can't even hate on it because the goal of the evening was to raise money for Haitian Families First.

Mission accomplished.

The night was a success, so much so that there are already rumblings of another karaoke event.

If it happens, GO. Seriously. It was the most fun I've ever had during my usual couch bonding hours.

Autumn Corn (Caramel Corn Made With Candy Corn)

Way back when I first made Red Hot Popcorn, it dawned on me that the same concept would probably work with a lot of different kinds of candy. I vowed that I would try it with one particular kind of seasonal candy, in fact.

Candy corn.

I, for one, am not a fan of fall's stereotypical sugar high. I don't hate it or anything, I just don't actively seek it out. There's peanut butter cups to eat this time of year, dammit! If it isn't chocolate, it just doesn't deserve to be at the center of my universe.

That will be changing now that I've seen what happens when you melt it.

It turns out that if you melt candy corn along with some butter and corn syrup, it turns into a fun liquid that is perfect for coating popcorn.

It's caramel corn, but without the caramel. I wanted to call it Candied Popcorn, but Alexis had another idea.

Alexis says it should be called "Autumn Corn" because it's a gorgeous shade of orange that reminds her of the orange trees in autumn.

Who am I to argue with the kid?

It tastes like a candy corn-variation of caramel corn, which makes sense since that's what it is. Except, melting the candy corn and spreading it over popcorn makes it lose some of that overwhelming sweetness. It's like pairing it with popcorn actually fixes candy corn. It's not just edible this way, it's downright fantastic.

Autumn Corn

4 quarts popped popcorn (It doesn't matter how you make it--microwave, stove top, whatever. Separate and discard the unpopped kernels.)
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup light corn syrup
2 cups candy corn

1. Start by making your popcorn. Place it in a large bowl(s) and set aside. (I had to use 2 bowls because I didn't have one that was big enough to hold it all.)

2. In a large saucepan, combine the butter, corn syrup, and candy corn. Simmer over medium heat until completely melted (8-10 minutes), stirring occasionally.

3. Pour the melted candy over the popcorn. Toss to coat evenly.

4. Place the Autumn Corn in a large oven-safe pan and bake at 200 degrees for one hour. Be sure to stir every 15 minutes or so, breaking up any large clumps.

5. Allow to cool before storing in an airtight container.

Candy corn has never been so good.