Oh, Pink, You Couldn't Have Picked a Different Word?

Am I supposed to expose the kid to great new music or is it the other way around? I don't really know, but I do know that Alexis gets credit for the fact that I have mad respect for Pink. It started a few summers ago when Tiny Alexis fell in love with the "Na na" song (I'm certain that's technically the super secret but real title) and would sing it for hours and hours on end.

Pink sings it well. Three-year old Alexis sang it better.

I'm occasionally a fan of pop music, so I sought out the full album and added it to my iPod for Alexis to listen to when other options were on my nerves. She wore that album out. Hard. But, I didn't really care because somehow, someway, I didn't find Pink to be annoying.

It was a bit of a surprise given that I very rarely enjoy female singers. I can't explain it. I just tend to prefer male artists. Call me a sexist and I'll totally own that title, just so long as we're only talking about pop music.

Somewhere along the line I went and downloaded ALL of Pink's albums to the iPod. An obsession was born. Girl can sing.

Alexis and I have often jammed to Pink while driving down the road with the windows open and our butts wiggling. Like I said, Alexis gets full credit for getting me to pay attention to an artist who was worthy of my attention.

So, last week when the new Pink album dropped, I bought it at 12:01. Seriously. It had been available for sale for about 30 seconds when I started loading it on to the iPod. Then, as I do with all music I plan to let the short person hear, I previewed it.

I have to say, it's a damn good album. I didn't think Funhouse was fantastic, but rather just OK. The new one is better. In fact, I would have a hard time deciding which is her best album--the new one or I'm Not Dead. As I listened to the album, I started to quickly identify which songs Alexis would like the best ...

... and then I ran into a problem.

The song that I knew she would like the absolute best, the song that sounds entirely too much like her favorite Big Time Rush song, happens to be a song entitled, "Slut Like You."

"Slut" isn't quite what we normally refer to as a "grown-up word" around here, but it's also not exactly a word I want Alexis running around singing.

"I'm a slut like yoooou! Wooo-hooo!" just doesn't have the same edge to it when a six-year old sings it as it does when a 30-something year old sings it, you know?

So I shelved the Pink album for my personal listening fun and didn't tell Alexis about it. She would have bugged the heck out of me wanting to listen to it if she had known it existed.

And then tonight we were driving home from dance class and it started. The annoying. THE SUPER ANNOYING. Alexis loves that damn Taylor Swift song that I never, ever want to hear again and she sings it over and over and over and over and OMG GIVE ME A SPORK AND LET ME SCOOP MY BRAINS OUT, PLEASE.

Really. I have much disdain for that song. It's 99% because Taylor Swift annoys the crap out of me and 1% because it's a terrible song about a girl who keeps going back to a guy who is a total and complete jerk to her. Don't bother going all Taylor Swift superfan on me and correcting me either because OMG TAYLOR SWIFT WHINES SO HARD IN THAT SONG THAT HER FACE IS GOING TO FALL OFF.

And so does Alexis when she sings it. And you know what sucks? Hearing your 6-year old sing a song that goes "I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you." SCREW THAT NOISE. Tell the boy off the first time he's a jerk, please and thank you.

This world needs more strong, independent women singing songs about kicking ass and respecting themselves, so I interrupted the whine-fest with the new Pink album. So when you hear Alexis singing about sluts, just remember, at least she's not singing a Taylor Swift song.

The Tibetan ShamWow

There comes a point when your long-haired dog curls up on the couch next to you and you realize you can't tell which end is which because they smell the same.

Shockingly enough, that point comes about four seconds before bath time.

We've done this whole long-haired dog thing before, so we know just enough to be dangerous. Penny, sadly, hasn't figured out that I know about the sneak-out-of-the-tub-behind-the-human trick. She doesn't realize I WILL stop her if she tries to exploit the presence of a certain short person as a way to escape. She hasn't even figured out that resistance just prolongs the torture.

She'll figure it out eventually. Maybe.

If you've ever wondered what happens when you get an ewok wet, well, here you go.

I dont' think she liked me very much right at that moment. That's OK, because I have feelings about this:

That used to be carpet. USED TO BE. Someone (**cough**notme**cough**) accidentally locked the puppy out of our bedroom one night last week. That puppy has only ever slept in our room as far as she can remember, so that puppy was VERY NOT HAPPY OMG. She tried to dig a hole to China and only stopped short because I woke up at 2:00 in the morning and spent 10 minutes wandering around in the dark trying to figure out what the weird noise was.

Penny eating carpet. That's what it was.

For the record, Penny is that dog who will sometimes randomly bark in the middle of the night because a mouse blinked in the next county over. It was sweet of her to forget about her awesome barking skills when she was panicked about being on the wrong side of the door.

ANYWAY. This is the face of someone who has earned their state of torture.

It's also the face of someone who knows how to get revenge, even when I was supposed to be the one getting even.

I'll just say this: I now know what ShamWows are made out of -- Tibetan Terrier hair. That stuff can hold an AMAZING amount of water. AMAAAAAZZZZING. Gallons and gallons and gallons. As I sat on the bathroom floor with the living ShamWow wrapped in a towel, Alexis decided she was done helping with the Penny de-stinking process. She opened the bathroom door to leave ... and time stopped.

Penny darted out of that towel and through that door so fast she broke the sound barrier. She continued to run and bounce and fly through the house at top speed, leaving a river of dog-scented water behind her.

So, uh, our floors are clean now. Or at least cleaner.

But no matter. Penny may have ShamWowed the house, but I get the last laugh. Please excuse the horrible photo quality (What's that? I have a big girl camera? Meh. I think it's allergic to wet ShamWows.).

Behold the joy of a soaking wet ShamWow!

And here's what happens if you blow dry a ShamWow!

Project Humiliate the Tibetan in Public is complete. Now we're even.

Almost.

Haitian Families First Needs Formula

It has been a few years since two young Pittsburghers found themselves trapped in the midst of a sea of desperation. Their birth certificates said they were babies themselves, but they weren't because they were responsible for the lives of dozens of children. There are stories that haven't been told, but the one that was told was that Jamie and Ali McMutrie did everything they could to save the lives of dozens of Haitian children following the devastating earthquake in early 2010.

Some people would have moved on after watching their orphanage tumble to the ground. Some would have moved on after seeing each of the kids in their care find new homes. Some would have moved on after the devastation in Haiti following the earthquake left the country in an absolutely disastrous state.

Jamie and Ali aren't some people.

Instead of giving themselves a pat on the back, returning to Pittsburgh, and never looking back, Jamie and Ali made the decision to keep working. BRESMA, the orphanage they ran, is no more, but what they are doing now is so much more powerful. Haitian Families First is changing lives one child at a time.

The focus of Haitian Families First is to assess family situations and provide the tools needed to keep that family intact. Maybe it's helping pay for medical expenses. Maybe it's paying for and enrolling a child in school. Maybe it's something as simple as baby formula.

What Jamie and Ali are doing is keeping families together and giving them the tools they need to thrive.

And you can help.

Haitian Families First is in desperate need of formula. There are times when breastfeeding just doesn't work. If what is needed to save a child's life is formula, you better believe I'm going to do what I can to help.

I'm currently trying to find a corporate sponsor that can provide formula to Haitian Families First. It's cheaper to send it to Haiti than it is to buy it there, and a corporate sponsor would be a fantastic long-term solution. However, my efforts to make a connection happen have been slow-going, so I need YOUR help.

1. If you know a company that might be able to provide formula, please let me know in the comments or send me an email (burghbaby at gmail dot com). It could be a manufacturer, or even a store that sells formula.

2. If you have even one can of formula sitting around in your house not being used, please let me know in the comments or send me an email (burghbaby at gmail dot com). I will contact you via email with an address where you can send that formula and arrangements will be made to get it delivered to Haiti.

3. If you would rather make a monetary donation, you can become a formula sponsor or give a one-time donation. Every little bit helps.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.