The Best Medicine

There are a lot of things I wish someone had told me before Alexis was born. Like, sleep while she's a newborn because it ain't getting any better any time soon.

You guys, she's six. SIX. I still can't count on her to sleep through the night. She just ... doesn't need sleep.

I also wish someone had warned me just how fantastically frustrating kids can be.

Alexis has been on a streak of sass lately, which HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT. I have no patience for the talking back business so it's a fast track to time out around here. Confounding the issue is that the kid has recently taken to saying "I didn't!" when she gets caught red-handed doing something.

For example, this evening Alexis said something stupid and I scolded her for being rude to me. Her response was, "But I wasn't!"

I WAS THERE, CHILD. Should I start videotaping our conversations so that I can display the evidence on a big screen TV? I'll grant the kid that it was a minor violation, but since I've been the Sass Police lately, it shouldn't have surprised her that I called her on it.

Regardless, I sent the kid straight to time out. She knew it was mostly because she denied doing anything wrong and blah, blah, blah.

A few minutes passed by and I went to talk to the kid about earning her way out of purgatory.

As I sat on the step, Alexis' eyes locked on mine. She had purposely opened them as wide as she could as she stuck her lower lip out ever so slightly. "I'm really sorry, momma," she said.

Nicely played, don't you think? We chatted for a minute about what she had done. I held my face stern as I told her how disappointed I was with her behavior.

As I gave her my best, "You are SO in trouble" glare, it started. She turned up the corners of her mouth ever so slightly. She turned the lights on deep in her eyes and they began to glow brighter and brighter as her mouth turned up more and more and more until she finally let out a little chuckle.

"I really love you, momma," she gushed as she began to giggle.

I know when I'm being played and I was being played. Like a fiddle. But do you know how contagious that child's laugh is? It's ... OYE.

I don't have a recent video, which is a travesty that I will fix soon, but here:

THAT LAUGH. OMG.

It is a weapon of mass destruction. It is so contagious that there is absolutely no way you can't join in.

She knows it. She uses it against people.

It's fantastically frustrating that the kid has already figured out that laughter can fix so many things in this world.

Poised for Confidence (and a Chance To Win a $250 Visa Gift Card)

I consider it my job to be a fun squasher. I like to have conversations with my kid that preempt jokes, demystify life's oddities, and suck all the joy out of slang terminology. It started early with our first talk about where babies come from and will continue on and on. She knows the proper words for most everything; she understands the basic mechanics, and as time goes on, I'll fill her in on the details. It's all so that when puberty slaps her across the face, she'll be prepared.

It won't be a big deal because we will have already covered every angle.

The conversations won't stop there, though. It's not like our bodies magically stop changing once we get past that puberty thing. There is the fun of road maps of stretch marks from having a baby, the gray hair that comes in to remind us life is stressful (or maybe it's that genetics stink), breasts have a way of inching their way south, wrinkles make bumps in the road maps of our faces, and then there's that whole thing that comes along and makes puberty seem like a party.

Menopause.

I've (HOPEFULLY!) got a little bit of time before I'll have to deal with the symptoms of menopause, but frankly I'm a bit freaked out by them. Why is it that we talk openly about puberty but not menopause? WHY? I'm extremely fortunate that several of my friends are older than me, so I'll get a bit of a heads-up on what to expect.

I hope to give Alexis that heads-up as well. It may not happen for a while, but you can bet it will happen.

Poise brand is encouraging women to have The "Second Talk" in time for World Menopause Day on October 18th. I plan on tuning into the conversation so I can learn more about menopause and the solutions to some of the symptoms, thereby preparing myself for what's coming. The2ndTalk.com has information about things like hot flashes, dryness, and vaginal odor. They are all topics nobody seems to talk about, but we should.

And when it's time for me to combat what comes with menopause? Poise is introducing products designed to help women feel more comfortable, more in control, and more prepared to deal with the physical changes menopause and peri-menopause can bring. Be sure to look for details about the Body Cooling Towelettes; they look so refreshing.

It is easier to be confident as our bodies change when we know what to expect.

When do you feel most confident? Leave your answer in the comments to be entered for a chance to win a $250 Visa Gift Card. Me? I feel the most confident when I'm watching my kid be confident.

Rules

No purchase necessary to enter or win.

Only unique Entries will be counted; duplicates will not be considered as an additional entry.

You may receive entries on this post by selecting from the following entry methods starting on July 26, 2012 at 9 a.m. PT and ending on August 24, 2012 at 5 p.m. PT:

a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post.

b) Tweet (public message) about this promotion, including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#sweepstakesentry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post.

c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post.

d) To enter without posting comments, see official rules.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail and will have 72 hours to respond or a new winner will be selected. Void where prohibited.

Be sure to visit Poise's brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers' reviews and find more chances to win!

:

If You Give a Tibetan a Tomato

As we pulled into the driveway, I began to twitch a bit. There were SO many little red cherry tomatoes hanging on the vines. SO MANY.

Alexis pops the tomatoes like candy, which is good because they are there for her. I grow them every year so that she can grab a snack without harassing me. But there were so many little red balls hanging there that there was absolutely no way she could make a dent in them, even if she was asking to have salad for dinner.

As I walked past the plants, I noticed that a few of the tomatoes had burst. GAH! So much waste!

Let's not talk about the fact that the plants came up from seed all on their own. I paid nothing for them to be there. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds rose from seed this spring (as they do every year). I thinned them down to a half dozen plants. A half dozen plants for one kid to use as her "snacking spot" is probably excessive.

Also excessive -- my obsessive need to make sure none of the tomatoes go to waste. I don't know why it bothers me if they grow too ripe for consumption and have to be tossed, but I twitch. And freak out. And generally get all sorts of annoyed.

Every year I do what I can to give them away to anyone who will take them. Bags and bags of them have gone with me to work. I've made every friend I know who likes them take dozens of them home. I remind Alexis to snack on them at least four times a day. Cherry tomatoes aren't great for making sauce, but that hasn't stopped me in the past.

I needed a plan for dealing with the twitch-causing overage that was staring at me as I stood in the driveway.

"Alexis, eat some tomatoes!" I demanded.

She complied, but even after she had knocked out ten or so of them, there were still at least fifty more ready to be picked.

I thought and I thought and I made all sorts of faces that were probably ridiculous considering it's not like I can ship the extra tomatoes to Africa so that starving kids can eat them, but STILL! WASTE!

"Wait!" I called out to Alexis as she started to go in the house. "Hey, why don't you see if Penny likes tomatoes?" I suggested.

Penny sniffed. Penny considered. Penny looked over her shoulder at me as if trying to make sure it wasn't all a trap.

And then she took the tomato.

She walked around with that tomato for a solid five minutes, perfectly setting up my most favorite picture of a dog OF ALL TIME.

She finally ate the tomato and another and another and another and WOOHOO! We have solved our excessive cherry tomato problem!

What happens if you give a Tibetan a tomato? Everybody winds up happy.