Have a Fantastic Fourth of July!

A Flashback To That Which Is Done And Over

As I pulled the door open on that cold January day, I realized things were not going to go as I expected. The boy with the bright brown eyes stood before me as a car disappeared around the bend. I had never met the boy, nor his parents, but there he was. He was ready to join Alexis' birthday party. He really had no choice since his parents hadn't hung around long enough to make sure he was OK with it.

It happened again and again. One kid after another after another appeared at the door, unescorted as they had been dropped off by parents I had never met.

WEIRD.

Or maybe I'm the weird one. I wouldn't drop my kindergartener off at a birthday party unless I knew the parents AND absolutely had no choice. In fact, Alexis has been to exactly two birthday parties without me, and both times it was most definitely because of an emergency sort of situation.

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My expectations were based on what I knew of Alexis' classmates. She attended a very small private Christian school for kindergarten. I haven't mentioned that fact publicly for a number of reasons, but at the top of that list is that I don't particularly feel like discussing the details involved in that decision. It wasn't an easy one, but it was the best one we could have possibly made under the circumstances and given our choices. We saved a ton of money by following that route. More importantly, it was academically fantastic. Absolutely FANTASTIC.

However, there were ... problems. One of those problems floated through my mind as we prepared for Alexis' 6th birthday party way back in January. The school has very strict standards for acceptable behavior. They employ the red/yellow/green light behavior charts, and Alexis found herself on yellow more than a couple of times.

But, here's the thing--Her worst offense, as reported by her teacher, was the day that a kid was teasing her and she turned and said, "Please stop being a pest."

Name calling is bad. Definitely. But, really, if I'm going to pick a way for my 6-year old to respond to someone bothering her, I think that's it.

In my mind, I had added up all I knew about acceptable behavior for that group of kindergarteners and decided that I was about to go through the Best. Birthday. Party. EVER. If calling someone a pest is "bad," then I was all set for a bunch of compliant, agreeable little kids.

YES.

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It took less than five minutes for me to discover I was wrong. As kids ran through the halls, throwing balls and yelling at the top of their lungs, a wave of confusion and horror overtook me. Who were these kids? And why were they such jerks? WHY WERE THEY BEING SUCH PESTS?

The party went from bad to worse in record time. I have successfully built a mental block around all of the nightmares that happened that day, but I do remember a point when I walked into the family room and found six kids holding couch cushions above their heads as they screamed promises of retribution and torture. I turned around and walked right back out of the room. I sat down at the dining room table with my friends who were also at the party and just stared into space.

We had twice as many kids at our house for Alexis' 5th birthday, but about half as much noise and 1/100th the drama. Don't even ask about the broken stuff. We've had countless parties with countless kids at our house over the past three years, but stuff has been broken at only one shindig. That birthday party. The one with all of the kindergarteners from the Christian school.

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Later, my friends and I sat gathered around the dining room table trying to understand what had just happened. Their kids and Alexis were still busy playing, but peace reigned supreme over the house. It no longer sounded like there were 500 demon spawn running in circles, but more like a manageable 5 or 6 of them.

We debated and discussed and then someone volunteered an answer that was the closest thing to sensible my poor brain-damaged head could handle. Is it possible that kids who are accustomed to super strict behavior restrictions don't know how to handle themselves when the leashes are loosened? I've thought of dozens of examples of people I knew in high school who perfectly fit the theory, but who knows.

All I know is that we will NEVER EVER EVER again invite the kids from the Christian school to our house. I'm afraid they'll burn it down if we do.

Rainbow and Clouds Fruit Salad

I'm one of those people who would happily move the earth a mile or two closer to the sun in the interest of being warmer all of the time. The heat. I like it. I want to hug it and kiss it and call it George.

But that doesn't mean I want to turn on the oven in my kitchen. I may like hot weather, but I don't really like paying the electric bill to keep the inside cooler when it's a scorcher outside. There will be no generating extra heat in the house if I can help it, thank you very much.

But! Dessert! I *need* it! My health depends on it!

Problem solved!

Regular ol' fruit salad is amazing. I looooooove tasty rainbows of sweetness mixed up in a bowl.

But that doesn't mean I will stop you if you decide to add some sweetened condensed milk, cream, and cream cheese. Because I won't.

It's actually a brilliant sort of idea to introduce that rainbow of fruit to some fluffy white clouds. It's like fruit with dip except that it's already all mixed up and perfectly balanced and delightful. It's a fruit salad, but it is also definitely a dessert.

Rainbow and Clouds Fruit Salad

1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk
1 package (8 oz) cream cheese, softened
1 cup heavy cream
1 package strawberries, cleaned and cut into quarters
1 can (15 oz) mandarin oranges, drained
2 cups pineapple, cut into bite-sized chunks and drained (you can use canned pineapple, if you want)
3 kiwi, peeled and cut into chunks
1 cup blueberries, cleaned
1 1/2 cup purple seedless grapes, cleaned

1. Mix the sweetened condensed milk and cream cheese in a large bowl at low speed.

2. Add the heavy cream and mix at high speed until peaks form. It will take about 2-3 minutes.

3. Make sure all of that fruit that you cut up and cleaned is dry. Blot it with paper towels or let it sit out for a minute or two or take a blow dryer to it. I don't care how you go about it, just make sure it's not dripping wet. If it is, you'll end up with a Rainbow and Clouds Fruit Soup. That's not our goal.

4. In a large bowl, combine the fruit and the cream cheese mixture. Stir, stir, stir. Taste, taste, taste.

5. You're welcome.