The Centipedes Are Taking Over The World

You know how it's a terrible-no-good idea to ask Dr. Google for an explanation about anything involving more than six legs? THAT.

Don't Google "centipede invasion." Doing so will lead to a lifetime of trauma.

It took me a few minutes to recognize the HUGE mistake that I had made when I Googled that unfortunate phrase earlier today. I bailed once I realized I was about to throw up all over my computer, but now I'm left with a problem. I STILL NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

Ahem.

Let me just set the scene for y'all. Alexis and I spent the day running around. We managed to get home about half an hour before the husband, and we spent that entire half hour in our backyard. So ... the house was empty all day. All of the dogs and cats were in the basement, leaving the upstairs vacant. When Mr. Husband pulled into the driveway, Alexis and I hurriedly started making dinner as he went upstairs to change clothes.

That's when I heard it. The strange sound.

He was vacuuming upstairs.

OK, so that in and of itself isn't really that odd. The fact that he kept vacuuming and kept vacuuming and kept vacuuming was, though. I could hear him working his way across the entire upstairs of the house. WHO DOES THAT? Who vacuums the entire upstairs of a house right after getting home from work?

A man who kept finding centipedes creeping and crawling all over the floor, that's who.

I didn't see the worst of it (THANK GOODNESS), but rumor has it there were hundreds of centipedes all over the upstairs of our house. But it didn't stop there! Oh, no! The centipedes were also on the first floor of our house AND IN THE BASEMENT. All three floors of our house. Centipedes. Everywhere.

I'm a nice lady, so I'm not going to post a photo of the kind of centipedes we're talking about here. I'll just tell you that they are the ones that you find under rocks and such outside. They are common garden centipedes which DON'T GO IN HOUSES. Or so Google says. Obviously, Google is a liar-liar-pants-on-fire because I had to stop typing this paragraph so that I could send another one to its death.

You guys, the husband vacuumed every single square inch of this house and yet I have managed to find 16 more of the little douchewad bugs since. Even crazier, six were in the master bathroom, one was in the hallway upstairs, one was in Alexis' room, two were in the dining room, three were in the family room, two were in the kitchen, and one was near the basement door. That means the freakin' centipedes are spread out over a span of well over 4000 square feet.

WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY COMING FROM?

I want very badly to blame the dogs for this Centipede Invasion. Both of the pups are fluffy foofernutters who stick their noses where they don't belong (ESPECIALLY the fluffier of the foofernutters). One of them had to be a carrier, right? RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I'M RIGHT.

The only problem with my theory is that I gave both of the foofernutters baths and didn't see any evidence that either of them had ever had a centipede on them. Also, there is the matter of the quantitiy of creepy crawlies we're talking about. I'm not sure that both dogs together could have carried in that many centipedes without me noticing.

So, uh, internet? If you could make up a reasonably plausible explanation, I sure would appreciate it. Make sure it has a happy ending, though. I can't deal with any suggestions that I might still be dealing with the Centipede Invasion tomorrow.

(Please convince me it's the foofernutter's fault. PLEASE.)

The Easy Goodbye

Life is so very simple when you're in kindergarten. It just is.

As I walked into the picnic pavilion, I searched for the familiar crown of bouncy brown curls. All of the kids were wearing their school t-shirts, so there was no easy way to pick Alexis out in the crowd other than her distinctive hair. I finally spotted her at a table, sitting quietly next to her teacher.

I don't know what that means, by the way. The quiet thing. In the midst of a chaotic day of fun and frolic, Alexis was sitting silently right next to her also silent teacher as she waited for me to arrive. I've never witnessed the child sitting quietly next to someone she knows, so it was a moment that stood out. I think it means something. I just don't know what.

Regardless, once I reached Alexis there was a short conversation about whether she could stay at the picnic a little bit longer. Her last day of school was a "field day" (think potato sack races and such) followed by all-school picnic with parents and such. I've been DONE with school for a while, however, so I had no interest in spending several hours sitting with parents and teachers.

It was her last day, though. It was the last time she'll ever see most of the people who were there. I told her we could stay for a little bit.

Realizing that we were going to leave early, her teacher decided to go ahead and grab Alexis' yearbook so she could get a head start on collecting signatures. I watched in awe as Alexis clutched her yearbook tightly and eagerly began dashing to and fro asking classmates to sign their names.

How long does the whole yearbook thing stay that simple? As simple as "Will you sign this?" accompanied by a smile? I don't remember exactly when the yearbook process turns into stress and worries as you hope the person you're asking doesn't find your request out of line and as you hope they write the Right Thing.

Remember reading the little messages signed in yearbooks and trying to interpret exactly what the person meant when they wrote, "Have a nice summer?" She hates me, doesn't she? What about him? Does he like me? Oh my gosh, I think he does.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

In kindergarten, it's still simple. Alexis asked every single person in her class to sign her yearbook and they all did. They carefully signed their names as they smiled and giggled and generally enjoyed their fun day.

It was all very cut and dry, simple and sweet. It was exactly as all things related to kindergarten should be.

That Moment Is Good For Everyone

I fell into my career as a trainer, but I became good at it on purpose. Education can do that, you know. It can help you do things better.

Way back in the stone ages (you know, when I was in college), I worked as a manager at a big department store. After a few months there, I started to gain notice among senior management. Apparently, I was really good at making my department look pristine and perfect. It didn't take long for me to be named a regional trainer. It became my responsibility to travel around the country for new store openings. I would set up the department and train others how to do that thing I was so very good at doing.

I didn't really know how to train people, though. The new store opening process was a chaotic and stressful one. The training team would work 18 hours days for ten days straight, so we all had a tendency to just do all of the set-up ourselves. "Trainer" might have been in our job titles, but what we really did was tell people to stay out of way as we tried to get as much done as possible.

It was at a store opening in Wisconsin that I figured out I was doing it wrong. I was behind a jewelry counter untangling a bunch of necklaces when I overheard two of the local store managers talking. They were frustrated that they hadn't learned how to do anything. They went on and on complaining about us trainers and our cavalier attitudes.

It stung a bit. No doubt.

But, from that overheard conversation, an obsession was born.

The next semester I made it a point to take more communication and business writing classes at school. I paid more attention in my technical writing classes. I sought out information on adult learning theory. I applied what I knew about translating Spanish into English to translation "complicated" English into English that anyone could understand. I stopped being a trainer and became a Trainer.

I remember the exact moment that all of the work paid off for the first time. I walked around a corner to check on my trainee and found that she had nailed the project she was working on. Absolutely NAILED IT. Every detail was perfect and I told the trainee as much. She grinned from ear-to-ear before continuing on to the next thing.

That store opening, the first one where I really trained someone how to do their job, we were ready a full two days early. I hadn't shoved someone out of my way and done everything myself but instead had really partnered with them. The payoff was HUGE. We didn't just get two extra days to use how we pleased, I also loved the feeling of knowing that I was leaving the store with a new manager who really understood how to do her job.

I've spent most of the ten years since that store opening working in corporate training. I have helped accounting professionals learn how to do their jobs using new software. I've helped customer service representatives understand how to navigate systems so they could answer questions quickly and accurately. I've trained everyone from company presidents to entry-level clerks.

There is always That Moment. That Moment when I see their eyes light up with "I get it!" There are few things in life better than knowing you have played a part in helping someone really understand their job.

Capella University can help you have That Moment. Whether it's the skills needed to help be good at something or the knowledge to help others reach their potential, your degree will change more lives than just your own. You can learn more about Capella and what graduates are saying on Facebook, YouTube, or on their website.

 

Photo by aeboi80

What about you? Has anyone ever given you That Moment? Please tell me about someone (a teacher, a loved one, anyone!) who helped you reach your potential in the comments below. BlogHer has graciously offered to donate $1 for every comment up to $500 to Reading is Fundamental. The ten seconds it takes for you to leave a comment will directly help deliver the joy of reading to kids.

Donation Rules:

No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total donation entries by leaving up to two comments in response to the prompt on this post.

This promotion is open to US Residents age 18 or older.

The Official Rules are available here. 

This promotion runs from 6/11/2012 - 6/30/2012.

Visit the BlogHer.com Capella page to check out more blogger stories and for more donation chances!