Bienvenidos, Sydney!

Let's welcome Sydney to the header space! And to the world! She hasn't been around long, but she's already so adorable I almost can't stand it.

Her Most Expensive Meal (SO FAR) (KNOCK ON WOOD)

You missed out on an opportunity to make a LOT of money off of me. All you would have had to do is ask me to make a bet about how long it would take for Alexis' glasses to get destroyed. I would have bet over a month because the kid is generally pretty good about taking care of her stuff.

Obviously, I was wrong.

Three days, people. Three days. It was a whopping three days after Alexis got glasses that she managed to leave them sitting on the couch. Unattended. Inside the Penny the Puppy Zone of Destruction.

I don't know how long Penny enjoyed gnawing on those glasses (I wasn't home), but it was apparently long enough. The husband was able to mostly recover them, but if you really look at them, you can tell somebody tried to turn them into lunch.

And with that flurry of destruction, my Evil Genius Plot was obliterated.

Here's the thing: Alexis isn't on our vision insurance. It was an oversight that happened when we suddenly had to change everything around (THANKS A LOT, FORMER EMPLOYER). I didn't think it was going to matter, but then it did. But! I had a plan!

I don't know if everybody knows this, but I've known for a while that glasses can be purchased online for approximately 90% less than you'll find them at Lenscrafters and America's Best and the like. I fully intended to NOT buy Alexis glasses the day she had her exam, but then the doctor ended up running over an hour behind schedule.

You know what there is to do with a kid for an hour in a eyeglass store? Nothing. NOTHING. NOOOOTHING. After all attempts at keeping her occupied and entertained were exhausted, the money-grubbing receptionist suggested that maybe Alexis would like to see if there were any glasses she liked. OH, BOY! WOULD SHE EVER!

Once Alexis had spent half an hour trying on every frame in the place, there was no way she was going to let me walk out of there without buying something. It was like what would happen if you took me to a camera store and handed me a 70-300mm lens. You put it in my hands, YOU'RE BUYING IT THE END.

So I bought the glasses. I didn't get scratch protection or glare reduction coating or any other invisible thing they charge an extra $50 for because I fully intended to return those glasses. Yup, I admit it. I handed over my credit card with full intention of getting that money back just as soon as I managed to buy a better, less expensive pair online.

I would feel guilty about that plot, but the replacement glasses I bought online cost a whopping $12. That's including every possible child-destruction-prevention coating there is (I posted on the review page about where I got them and how to order glasses online). That's ... oh ... $138 less than the ones I bought locally cost.

Grrrrr ... I hate that health care providers completely rip people off and get away with it because of insurance and the like.

And I sure do hope Penny enjoyed her $150 snack.

Thieving Revelation

As luck would have it, the first movies I've seen in approximately forever and 23.645254646 days happened to be two of the worst that I've ever seen. That's what happens when you depend on Groupons for a night out, though.

Let me just save you from wasting any of your life. Do NOT go see The Stooges remake. We didn't manage to make it all the way through because it was THAT bad. I tried covering the awfulness with chocolate, but it was still completely intolerable.

Side note: Alexis has watched The Wiz. On purpose. And she liked it. THAT IS HOW LOW HER STANDARDS FOR MOVIES IS. She was the first to ask to leave the debacle that is The Stooges remake.

We were at a drive-in theater, though, so before the worst movie of all time, we saw the almost worst movie of all time. It was Pirates! Band of Misfits. Before you yell at me and tell me that it was a perfectly fine movie, YOU ARE WRONG. It was terrible. TERRIBLE.

But one little bit of awesome did come of it.

Because of that movie, we ended up in a conversation with Alexis about what exactly a Pirate is. We explained that they aren't very nice because they steal stuff from people on boats. There were a few questions about whether or not pirates are still a real thing. We assured her that they most certainly are.

As the concept of pirates being thieves sunk into her little noggin, I could see that her gears were churning. And churning. And churning.

"Mom, why are the Penguins the only nice team in Pittsburgh?" she asked.

I was confused by the sudden change of subject. I told her as much.

"I mean the Pirates steal stuff and the Steelers take stuff, so only the Penguins are nice," she clarified.

Steelers. Stealers.

The kid is kind of a genius.