Cat Bomber

For every adorably squishable cat there is in this world, there's also an Ali. A loveable, sweet, but not-entirely-right-in-the-head cat.

If you don't mind, I'm going to put my Cat Psychiatrist Pants on real quick and diagnose her . . . Yup, she's crazy. Probably the paranoid schizophrenic brand of crazy because she walks around as if she has tiny invisible bombs strapped to her body. She's just waiting for them to go off. She's skittish, is what I'm saying. And by "skittish" I mean "don't breath in the same room as her because she'll jump 40 feet into the air and probably land on your head with her claws all ready for gouging."

Which is EXACTLY why I should never try to paint a wall with her roaming within the same zip code.

******************************************************

There's a new post over on the Review Page. This one comes complete with a chance for you to win a $150 Walmart gift card (GO. ENTER. PLEASE.). I'm going to pull back the curtain on this bit of magic, though, and tell you that I already know how that series of three posts is going to end.

SPOILER ALERT!

So, the series of three posts sponsored by the company that makes paint? It ends with me painting a room. Shocking! I know!

Anyway, the actual work going on in that room is a wee bit ahead of what's being posted. I'm sure all of the magic is gone for you now, and for that I'm sorry.

(Don't forget to go enter to win. I'M SERIOUS.)

******************************************************

Alexis was literally climbing the walls and . . . hold on . . . I have to meander a little bit off topic for a second. Tonight Alexis used the word "literally" in a sentence. Correctly. Twice. I literally can't stand how smart that kid is sometimes.

And we're back . . . so Alexis was literally climbing the walls as I tried to quickly brush a coat of paint on some trim. At some point the Kitten Brigade had invaded the room, which always results in Alexis tormenting Max and Max being all, "You are the wind beneath my wings, short human." Ali usually joins in on the lovefest, but she does it with her tiny invisible bombs strapped to her body, so she is liable to go running for her life at any moment.

Which is exactly what she did. I don't know what spooked her--an ant farting in Texas, perhaps? Regardless, she suddenly took off running and managed to plow right into my hand. It was the hand that was holding the paintbrush, which, REALLY? We were in a 9' x 13' room and she HAD to invade the only 10 square inches I didn't want her in?

Whatever. She knocked the paintbrush out of my hand. It went flying like a trapeze artist, in slow motion and slowly twirling and twirling and twirling and SPLAT! It landed square in the center of paint can, causing paint to go splashing up in the air. The flying paint was like shrapnel and Ali freaked out more. She literally started running up a wall, flipped over, and landed with a leg in the paint can before tearing through the doorway, down the hall, down the stairs, across the dining room, through the kitchen, around and through the family room, down to the basement, and back upstairs to the dining room again.

How do I know where all she went? Why, because she left a perfect trail of paw prints for me, of course!

This is where I prove I'm not a very good blogger. A good blogger would have grabbed a camera and taken a few photos of the disaster zone. I'm a bad blogger, though, so I started scrubbing the floor. That might have been in part because who should pull into the driveway at that very moment but Mr. Husband!

He's very helpful in situations like that, but only after he gives me grief for being talented enough to let the cat turn the house into an episode of Family Circus.

You know it's bad when he walks into the dining room, takes one look at the chaos, and mutters, "I'm not even going to ask" before disappearing upstairs.

Moral of the Story the First: If your cat somehow manages to turn a can of paint into her personal tracking device, CATCH THE CAT IMMEDIATELY. Failure to do so will result in an unlimited number of paw prints being left all over the house over and over and over and WHOOPS. ALWAYS BATHE THE CAT BEFORE CLEANING UP THE MESS.

Moral of the Story the Second: If a cat is all "Whatcha doin'?" when you paint a dresser? Lock her in a closet when you later try to paint a room. The potential for damage is MUCH higher.

A Rocky Star

"Momma, I'm too scared to go to kindergarten. I want to stay home with you," Alexis said. They were the first words that fell out of her mouth that morning. The words were uttered before she even managed to open her eyes. Just in case I hadn't heard her desperate plea for a change in plans, she kept repeating the words. "Momma, I'm too scared to go to kindergarten."

The least the kid could have done was to sew up the giant hole in my chest that was left behind when she ripped my heart out. Instead of doing anything to make me feel better, she spent the next hour telling me about how she didn't want any new friends, how she missed her friends from preschool and summer camp, and how it would be really fun if we just went shopping instead of to school and to work.

Aren't kids supposed to be EXCITED for their first day? That was how I had it planned out, anyway.

The whole idea of kindergarten has been jinxed from the start, so I should have known better than to think any of my plans would ever go right. Once I knew where Alexis was going to go, I should have just stopped planning. Forget buying school clothes. Ignore any supply lists. Don't even tell the kid what to expect. THAT would have worked so much better.

Instead, I spent the morning helping her get dressed, making sure her ginormous backpack was ready, and talking up everything about school. She showed a glimmer of excitement when I mentioned the school bus, so I focused on that for a few minutes. When at last we went out the front door to take a few First Day of Kindergarten photos, she had come around. She was ready for a fun ride on the bus and was going to use that as her springboard for tackling the day.

She really was excited as she stood on our porch waiting for a glimpse of that bright yellow bus. But excitement quickly turned to curiosity as she began to question why we were still waiting. "How much longer, momma?" she asked.

I went from saying, "Just a few minutes," to "Well, it was supposed to be here by now," and then to, "I'm not sure what's wrong, Alexis" over the course of ten minutes. I disguised my frustration as I searched frantically for the phone number of the bus service before I finally decided I should just take the kid to school and deal with the bus chaos once Alexis was contently seated in her classroom.

Alexis was completely thrown off by the change in plans, but after a long ride through pouring rain, she seemed more or less ready.

Until we got to the door of the room where she had to go while she waited for school to start.

That was when full-on shy girl panic struck. Alexis clung to me, started to cry, and began begging to go back home. Which, NOT FAIR, KID. Through the chaos and confusion, I had managed to ignore all of those annoying Mom Emotions.

But then there they were, pleading with the kid to please stop ripping my heart out.

I finally managed to drag Alexis into the room. I grabbed some crayons and a piece of paper, hoping to lure her into some comfortable busy work. It didn't work, of course. But then a few minutes later, a little angel came along. She was an older girl, probably in second or third grade. "Is it your first day?" she asked Alexis.

And just like that, Alexis was done with me. She told me to go to work as she turned to talk to her new friend.

It has been smooth sailing since.

(Yes, her backpack is indeed bigger than her. It's the one she *really* wanted, though.)

Birthday Cake Dip

This recipe has been floating around Pinterest for some time, and I finally had the perfect excuse to try it. Between birthday parties and picnics and more picnics, I actually had WAY more than plenty of excuses. I made it once and it flew out of the bowl, so now I've tweaked the recipe and made it about four more times. In other words, the idea is a keeper. Kids especially seem to like it, and I pretty much always have the ingredients on hand, so it's easy to throw together in a hurry.

Birthday Cake Dip

1 6 oz container vanilla yogurt
1/3 cup Cool Whip or whip cream
1/2 cup Funfetti cake mix

This is going to be terribly complicated, so I hope you can stick with me. Place the yogurt, Cool Whip, and cake mix in a bowl. Stir them up until they are well mixed. You're done.

I know, you're exhausted just reading that.

For best results, make it at least an hour before you need it. The colors in the cake mix become more vivid once they've sat around for a little bit.

You can top it with some rainbow sprinkles to make it a little more colorful, if you want. Serve it with animal crackers. The dip tastes *exactly* like cake batter, just minus the whole I-don't-know-anyone-who-got-salmonella-after-licking-the-mixer-beaters-but-if-I-eat-the-whole-bowl-of-raw-batter-that-would-probably-be-bad guilt issues.