Paybacks are Just Not Fair

Picture a girlie girl. Now picture the opposite. That's me. I am not a girlie girl. At all. Pink is pukey. Ruffles are ridiculous. Dresses are for dorks.

It's no surprise that Karma, in her bitchy wisdom, gave me a Girlie Girl Extraordinaire. Alexis loves pink, she embraces ruffles, and I couldn't get her to give up dresses if I paid her a $1 million.

So, it's probably to be expected that Alexis and I do not see eye-to-eye on some things. For example, we do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to play costumes. Normally, I try not to impose my personal preferences and just let her get what she wants, as long as whatever it is happens to be cheap. If it's not cheap, though, all bets are off. I reserve the right of refusal. Period.

That is why I didn't let her get the High School Musical cheerleader outfit she found at Big Lots. $18 for fug and gross is $18 too much. Period.

She didn't like me very much that day.

When we later went to Target and I wouldn't let her get the $16 cheerleader costume they had there, she liked me even less. In fact, she threw a hissy fit of never-before-seen proportions and didn't speak to me for three hours after we returned home. Somehow during the hissy fit, Mr. Husband told her she could go back to Target and get it, but not for five more days. She had to wait until Friday.

Guess who asked everyone what day it was every. single. day? Until Friday, when she added, "Daddy said I could get cheerleader outfit today!"

Grrrr.

Well played, Karma. Well played.

There's Something Not Quite Right About This Picture

Five Things I Wish We Had Found on the Bulldog

1. An ATM hidden under her tail. I could totally use a convenient little spot for getting some extra free cash. I'd even be willing to put up with the requisite odor of Bulldog farts on my money.

2. A chocolate bar tucked into the folds above her nose. If I can be picky, I could really go for a Snickers right now.

3. The secret to eternal life tattooed on her belly. I could sell that sucker for major cash.

4. A brain between her ears. Enough said.

5. A new dishwasher under her toes. For the love of my sanity, the freakin dishwasher that came with this house has got to be the loudest blasted dishwasher that was ever made. You could land a helicopter in the kitchen and I wouldn't hear it because all I can hear is WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH from the ugly dishwasher that doesn't even manage to get dishes clean.

Instead of any of those fun options, we found a tick on Meg today. A TICK. On the dog who routinely mistakes me for her personal portable pillow.

Ick.

Blech.

Puke.

Gag.

Can't. stop. itching.