Starting to Think It Might Actually Happen

I am a hunter, a finely tuned machine programmed to seek out good deals and destroy our checking account with piles and piles of amazing things. It's what I do. In fact, it's what I do best.

I don't pay full price for much of anything. Alexis spends her day frolicking about in Gap dresses, and I know for a fact people think I spend a fortune on her wardrobe. Nope. Not at all. I buy nothing from Gap without a coupon, and even then, I only shop from the clearance racks, and usually only at the Outlet. Her entire collection of summer dresses for 2009 was purchased last year at the end of the season. Her 15 or so dresses cost, on average, less than $10 each. Several were $6. I am a machine.

It was about a year ago that I first started reprogramming my bargain-hunter brain cells in hopes of finding a bargain on a house. I looked. And looked. And looked. A few times there were some false alarms. What I thought was a bargain was sold before we could go look at it, or further investigation revealed far too many problems for the price.

And then I found it. The (New) House. When I first found the listing, I was suspicious. It was priced $20K lower than other houses in the same neighborhood. Some of the information in the listing was clearly wrong. No way did the house have four bedrooms and five bathrooms for that price.

Just for kicks, I called our Realtor and set up a walk-through. I assumed we would find that the house was priced low because of things that weren't in photos. When we first walked in the door, that turned out to be true. Between damage to walls, missing faucets, messed up floors, and mold in the basement? There was definitely more than a few things to complain about, but they weren't *that* bad. There was plenty of evidence of plumbing issues, and based on the fact that the house is only three years old, we were pretty sure that shoddy construction was to blame. But still. The house was priced more than fairly, all things considered.

Did I mention that it was 1000 square feet bigger than the other houses in the same development that were for sale? 1000 SQUARE FEET BIGGER. Plus, it had a finished basement, complete with a second kitchen. Mold, shmold. That house is nearly FOUR TIMES bigger than the one we are living in. And the "errors?" Oh, the listing was wrong. Someone may count four bedrooms, but I count five. They may see five bathrooms, but they missed the half bath on the main level. The place is freakin' HUGE.

If you've been following along, you already know we are under contract and buying the house. We don't move until mid-July, so until then I get to sit and be overwhelmed with how we're going to manage to get enough furniture to keep the place from looking abandoned. It's a good problem to have.

As for the plumbing issues? We shall see. A bunch of leaks sprung up before the inspection process was completed, so the owner of the house (a bank--it's a foreclosure) is currently making all the repairs. Not on our dime. We may very well still end up moving into a house that features a swimming pool where the family room should be, but OH WELL. We can always all get by just living on the other side of the house, and we're paying over $100,000 less than an identical house a few miles away.

You know you've done good when your inspector can stand in the middle of an indoor lake and say, "If you're paying that then you did REALLY good."

Now I just need to figure out how to get the Bulldog to use a regular toilet. With five and a half bathrooms, she may as well get her own.

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If you have a second, I could use a little help over here. Thanks! I luff you! I promise to only ask about 20 more times!

Fortunately, She's Cute with Her Mouth Open

Alexis has discovered her super power. It took her three years, four months, and eleven days to do it, but she has most definitely found it.

I probably could have predicted the whole thing. Back when she was nine months old and started saying real words, that was most definitely a sign. When she was speaking in complete sentences at fifteen months, it was more than a clue. I don't remember exactly when I started saying it, but I've pretty much always thought that if Alexis' eyes are open, so is her mouth (unless, of course, a stranger is around--Michigan J. Frog is her hero).

I had no idea, though. No idea.

The kid has discovered that she does not require oxygen to survive. It's true. She can go from early in the morning until late in the evening without taking a single breath. She just talksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalksandtalks. And talks.

She kicked it into overdrive last week. Since then, she has mastered the art of irritation through non-stop noise. She has not taken a breath during waking hours all. freakin. week.

Once upon a time I took smug satisfaction in her language skills. There were many people in our lives who were dubious of our decision to teach the kid sign language starting at six months. Some were convinced it would prevent her from learning to talk, so each time Alexis went into a long diatribe, it was like, "Oh, really?" Yeah, I'm over that.

Friday night the three of us were walking through the mall. Alexis was all, "Why is that pink? Is this the mall? Look, there's Mommy's store! Where is the Mickey Store? Can I have Minnie flip-flops? Why is that girl jumping? Where is Cody? There's a yellow shirt over there. Can I watch High School Musical tonight? Coach yelled at Mr. Bolton." and on and on and on. She unleashed a steady stream of conscious, never once pausing to breathe, but freaking out if someone neglected to answer one of her bajillion questions. It's so fun how she doesn't pause for an answer, but if you don't answer, she repeats the same thing over and over and over and over and over, louder and louder and louder and louder until your brain explodes and some gray matter with the answer she wanted splats in her face.

As we passed the food court, I had an idea. I rummaged through my pockets and found the $4 I so desperately needed. I hauled Alexis down to the smoothie store and gave her free reign over whatever she wanted. Mr. Husband looked at me and started laughing, continuing on with some sort of comment about how Super Mom had finally lost her cool. Yes, yes I did. I bought the kid a $4 smoothie for no reason other than I knew I would get 60 seconds of silence while she sucked up that first taste. It was a beautiful 60 seconds. A momentous and wonderful 60 seconds. I liked that 60 seconds.

It took Alexis three years, four months, and eleven days to truly find a way to annoy me. I see a lot of smoothies in our future.

She Sang the Hallelujah Chorus Before She Bit My Head Off

Alexis is not much of a desert kind of kid. It's just not her thing, which is fine by me because I totally steal her share of dessert every chance I get. When she randomly requested a strawberry-filled pastry thing at the Farmer's Market on Friday, I practically tripped in a puddle of my own slobber. I expected a one bite and pass moment, just like I get a few times per week.

Alexis decided the first bite should be a big one.

A REAL big one. After that REAL big bite, she thought for a second.

And promptly FAILED ME.

Damn kid liked the thing. A lot. Obviously. Just moments after that photo of a ridiculously happy kid was taken, I tried to steal a bite of the thing. There are no photos of Alexis' reaction to my attempt at stealing a bite because you kinda have to have a head to look through the viewfinder of the camera. Mine got bitten off.

She ate every last speck of the damn thing.

I'm still bitter I didn't have enough cash to buy two.