Tougher than Nails

I started the day with a quest. I wasn't sure exactly which one I wanted, but I was on a quest for either cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory or breakfast food from a local place called Pamela's. So of course it makes perfect sense that we grabbed lunch at a local deli.

This particular local deli is known by the name, "Peanut Butter and Jelly" in our house because that is exactly what the Toddler always requests there. Why we pay $.99 for a sandwich I could make at home, I don't know. Maybe it's because when we go to the deli we can get potato chips and drinks, too. Of course, we would never have that sort of stuff in our house. (OK, see, that's funny because Mr. Husband ALWAYS has at least seven open bags of chips in the cabinet at any given time. ALWAYS. At LEAST seven. It makes my head explode.)

Unfortunately for the uptight neat-freak who dressed the Toddler in an all white sundress today, the Toddler had it in her head that she was selecting her own chips for a change. She started with Dorito's and I started in with, "Are you sure you don't want pretzels?" and "How about some plain potato chips?" I kept thinking about what happens when you dip a short person in orange chip dust and really didn't want to spend the rest of the day with an Oompa Loompa. Fortunately, she put down the Dorito's. And picked up Cheetos.

Grrr.

So we sat down at the table and I handed the Cheetos to the Toddler one tiny little stick at a time, making sure that her hands were dry in between doses. Apparently she got a little annoyed at my super slow pace because she decided to just dip into Mr. Husband's chips.

His chips that had some sort of warning on the bag. I do believe it said, "Caution: Will Set Your Face on Fire."

HOT! HOT! HOT! potato chips.

We're really careful to not impose our food preferences on the kid, so I didn't say anything. I mean, if I told her, "I wouldn't eat that," each time she shoves something in her mouth that makes me want to vomit, she wouldn't eat Lima beans out of the can, tomatoes straight off the plants on the deck, and she certainly wouldn't live off of all kinds of strange fruits. We try to let her make up her own mind. Mr. Husband did ask her if she was sure, but also didn't really make a move to stop her.

She shoved the hot, spicy, fire-filled chip in her mouth and chewed.

We waited.

She grabbed another hot, spicy, fire-filled chip in her mouth and chewed.

Mr. Husband clutched her cup of water, prepared to assist her with a little fire extinguishing action.

She ate another chip.

And another. And another.

The look on Mr. Husband's face was priceless. He has an iron-clad gut and will eat Habenero peppers straight off the vine. He knows hot, and he said, "Those are REALLY hot."

Maybe so, but the Toddler was completely unphased. As she shoveled Mr. Husband's chips into her mouth, one after the other, the only evidence there was that the chips were indeed hot and spicy was the fact that her eyes were watering. Like, REALLY watering. More like pouring.

Finally, after eating several handfuls of the chips, she showed a small glimmer of weakness. She said, "My mouth hurts."

Then asked for more chips.

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Last Wednesday, I heard words fall out of a friend's mouth that were easily the biggest compliment I've ever been given regarding this little blog. She Who Swears She Will Not Have Kids actually uttered the words, "Your blog makes me want to have a baby." She added a little sarcastic stab at how she would have to skip the pregnancy thing, so I know she wasn't actually an alien life-form that had overtaken the body of Dawn. Anyway, a long chain of events led her to write what I think is one of the best blog posts of all time over at her place. You really should take a minute and read it, because you just might learn something. I know I'm still working on really "knowing" a few of the things she listed.

Be sure to tell her that the post absolutely proves that she needs to be a mother someday. Because she does.

Gratuitous Baby Pics

Baby elephant pics, that is. There's yet another baby elephant at the Pittsburgh Zoo. There's really nothing that I could say to top the cute, so I'm not even trying.

Name: Zuri
Born: July 25
Weight: 248 pounds
The Mom, Moja, was pregnant 673 days.
Her Father is, of course, Jackson.

(I hereby promise to never, ever complain that Alexis was 9 pounds 12 ounces when she was born a few days past her due date. 248 pounds. 673 days. Being an elephant? SUCKS.)

All Around the Random Tree

Update from the Fishtank of Horrors: The last time we checked in on the little fishies, there had been a bit of a domestic altercation of the Clown fish kind. It seemed that Belly had quite enough of The B*tch's crap and had done a little fighting back. Well, a few days later, Belly went REAL crazy. Instead of calling the fishy police and filing a victim statement, he/she went all vigilante and MURDERED The B*tch. Yup, the B*tch went from being Queen of the tank to be Queen of the throne very suddenly. I'm pretty sure the jury will see that Belly was acting out of self defense, but the trial isn't scheduled for a few months.

Further Proof that I am a Dork: If you happen to one day be cutting raisin bread for your two-year old and she is a wee bit impatient with the process and the shrill yelling freaks you out so much that you nearly chop off a finger, think very hard before slapping a the pretty pink Hello Kitty Band-aid over the bloody gash. You may think that there is no way anyone will notice your princessy moment, but if you have a softball game? EVERYONE will notice the pretty pink kitties and will give you crap about it. That is, of course, entirely a hypothetical situation. It has never happened to me. I only wear manly Band-aids.

About Softball: The Just for the Heck of it softball season has come to a close, and my team found ourselves with a perfect record. Of losing. However, there wasn't a single moment in which it mattered that we couldn't win (or even come close), because we had more fun than any other softball team in the history of softball. No, really. We did.

(Huge thank you goes out to Mr. Husband for being totally cool with being a single parent for a few hours on game days. You rock, sir.)

Falls Under the Category of Completely Unnecessary: The Toddler. Oye, her mouth. She has two new habits that have me looking for a nice rickety bridge to stand on while semis drive by at 100 mph. The less bad of the two is her new variation on, "no." She now says, "nuh-uh." I LOATHE it. I want to scream just hearing the first syllable. One thing no toddler needs is to be able to express "no" in multiple forms. Hate. It.

The other thing she's been doing has me thoroughly screwed. She is beginning her I Want sentences with, "I have an idea!" How the hell do you say no to, "I have an idea! Let's watch Dora!" It's like she's doing me this giant favor by doing the thinking for me and coming up with some sort of genius idea. Hate. it.

Rain Rain Go Over Here, Please: Wal-Hell has been running killer clearance sales on summery toys lately, including a line that has picnic baskets, gardening tools, and rain gear in it. So, we picked up a few items for next year. However, when Alexis decided that she didn't care if it was only 75 degrees out, she was swimming, I put on my Genius Cap and yanked out that rain gear for a little splish-splash fun. It was indeed fun, but now I just want it to pour one day so we can truly get our umbrella on.