Side Effects May Vary

Guess what happens when a kid pukes on your face? Go ahead, guess. DING! DING! DING! You get a chance to get even! You get sick, too!

In all seriousness, I was operating on the theory that whatever the Toddler had two days ago, it wasn't contagious. I've never seen someone be sick for literally two hours and then magically be so well that they ate nearly an entire can of cranberries while dancing the Cabbage Patch on top of a craft table. The kid was SO TOTALLY fine after taking a nap that I really didn't expect to wake up this morning with the sudden thought, "Nausea? You are NOT my friend. GO AWAY." Which was interesting, because it did (temporarily), right after I made a visit to the Church of the Puke.

Dangnabit.

(BTW, it totally reminded me of how much I HATED being pregnant. No one should be nauseous for three straight months. That's just cruel.)

And, of course, a few hours later, the power of suggestion worked its magic on the male head of household. We all know that no woman can be sick without the man in her life being sicker, so it turned into a Really! Fun! Day! of sitting around and doing nothing. The poor Toddler had to endure hour and after of Disney flicks since no one was willing to join her in her craziness and take her anywhere to play. After eleventy bazillion showings, I think I can now recite just about every single line from Aristocats. That and $4 will get me a Caramel Macchiatto from Starbucks.

Of course, it's not lost on me that it took two days for this evil illness to penetrate my normally ironclad immune system. If it does indeed have a two-day incubation period, that means the Toddler caught it earlier this week. Perhaps at Chuck E. Cheese. Perhaps because she was kissing a boy.

I just knew a daughter kissing a boy could cause vomiting, chills, fever, and headaches.

(The photo has nothing to do with the price of rice in China, but I wanted to post it because I LURVE it. It's from the Pittsburgh Zoo and was taken last week. He's one sexy beast, no? I'm thinking of kidnapping him and chaining him to the Toddler so no more boys go near her.)

Splish Splash She Stuck Her Tongue Out

1 giant fountain.

75 minutes.

3 kickass Bon Jovi songs.

6 killer sitcom theme songs.

Countless assorted rocks songs.

A whole lotta' gallons of water.

1 wet toddler.

1 camera-happy Mom and her 141 photos.

64 images of the Toddler sticking her tongue out. For reals.

My Alarm Clock Could Kick Your Alarm Clock's Hiney

So, how was your day?

Glad to hear it.

What's that?

Mine?

My day was fantastic! Thank you so much for asking. Well, I should say it was fantastic all except for that little bitty part of the day where my alarm clock seemed to malfunction. That part was NOT so fun, I tell ya'.

It all started around 5:30 when I heard little Toddler footsteps walking down the hall. Now the Toddler? She has actually been sleeping in her own bed all night long for the last week or so. I blame it on vacation and the fact that we didn't HAVE to get up early all those mornings. Of course now that we're back to the grind the kid would decide she needs to become one with my pillow, thereby interrupting my four hours of nightly beauty rest. Whatever.

I heard the footsteps and figured I would just ignore the short person standing next to my side of the bed. It worked, too, because she went around to the other side and used the Bulldog's footstool (don't ask, I don't want to talk about it) to climb up on the bed. She laid down beside me, all snuggly and cozy, and we fell back asleep.

Next thing I know, I started to hear noises. Odd noises. I thought it seemed a little weird that the alarm clock was going off half an hour before it really needed to go off. Then I felt it. Wetness. On my face. Stinky, disgusting, chunky wetness. Just as my brain was processing that an alarm clock can't emit chunky wet stuff, the Toddler whispered, "Mommy, I puke."

Awwww, yeah. My life is now complete. I have had a kid puke on my face while I was sleeping.

(BTW, I am the SUCKTASTIC Parent of the Year and sent her to daycare anyway. I needed to get my laptop so I could work from home and figured either I could drag her to my office, or I could drop her off at school and maybe, just maybe, it would turn out to be a random weird thing and she would be fine. She lasted half an hour, but I did manage to grab my laptop. After that, there was working but no more puking. Not even when she ate a giant gob of canned cranberries at dinner.)