Reward for Safe Return (of Babyhood)

Once upon a time, there was a chubby wubby little baby who had not one, not two, but THREE yummy little fat rolls on her legs. Sadly, the chubby wubby little baby decided she should outgrow one of those yummy little fat rolls before she even hit her first birthday. She grew and she grew and she chased that yummy little fat roll away.

Then, the chubby wubby little baby got the horrible idea in her head that she should walk. (I know, the nerve.) Quickly, a second yummy little fat roll began to feel unloved and it too melted away, leaving just one yummy little fat roll.

That one yummy little fat roll was a persistent little fat roll. It hung in there through the Summer, Fall, and even Winter. But as Spring slowly rolled around, it began to look for it's friends Yummy Little Fat Roll #1 and Yummy Little Fat Roll #2. Sadly, as Spring turned to Summer, it decided to take it's search on the road. Yummy Little Fat Roll #3 is gone, leaving only a faint shadow of its former glory on the chubby wubby little baby's legs.

If you've seen Yummy Little Fat Roll #3, could you please send it back? There's a reward for its return.

The Karma Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

I rarely feel the need to punish Mr. Husband when he does something mean. All I have to do is wait, and the universe will punish him for me. That time he called me a moron for putting a giant comforter in the washing machine and flooding the basement? It was only a matter of minutes before he slipped on the stairs and fell on his bum bum. If he makes a snide remark about the fact that I'm domestically challenged, give it ten minutes. He'll smack his head on the door of the kitchen cabinet he left open. When he gives me grief about spending too much money, he invariably drops a heavy object on his own foot.

I have no hand in any of the incidents. I just wait for Karma to catch up to him. It ALWAYS does.

I guess since Karma is so used to hanging out around our house, she has decided to pay a little visit to The Toddler. After she was so cruel to that little girl on Friday? She ended up with this face:

(It looks 417 times worse in person, btw.)

I would like to say that I'm all sorts of ticked off that it happened at daycare, but the fact of the matter is that she was walking outside, holding hands with Abby, and randomly fell flat on her little piehole. I'm going to have to go with it just being one of those things that happens when you're 2-years old and klutzier than an elephant in high heels walking a tight rope.

That, and Karma is a bitch.

If You're Old and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

I learned something muy importante this weekend. Actually, two things muy importante:

1. Alexis does indeed have the patience necessary to sit through a movie at the theater (strike up the band, start the parade, and let's party! Woohoo!). Just make sure there is a whole lot of popcorn available for her to shove down my shirt.

2. If a movie has the words, "Kung Fu" in the title, it's going to have a fighting in it. (I know, DUH.)

The first one is all sorts of exciting. (Well, not the popcorn down the shirt part. Obviously, that part is annoying, especially since I was picking it out all.day.long. Many people at the Arts Festival were privy to a very special show because of it. You can all thank The Toddler for those repeated peeks at the cousins.) The second one brings a shadow of doom and gloom to my life. When the thought that Kung Fu Panda was too violent flitted through my brain, I realized something.

Dude, I'm getting old.

To be totally fair to myself, I'm only 32. Not quite old yet. But, I totally thought that movie should have been called, "Kill Bill: Volume 3." Sure, the characters are fuzzy and don't cuss. They also seem to lack the ability to bleed, despite being beaten repeatedly with metal spikes. But, holy crap was that movie full of violence and scary images.

See that? OLD.

Alexis didn't seem fazed AT ALL by all the creepy-eyed creatures, thank ye gods of Things that Make Toddlers Scream for Hours. Mind you, when she drops kicks a kid in the head tomorrow at daycare? I'm totally blaming DreamWorks. Cause that's all the movie was--fighting, violence, drop-kicking, violence, punching, violence, and more fighting. There was more violence packed into those 90 minutes than into 100 episodes of Road Runner.

See that? Oooooooold.

That's what I get for thinking it was a good idea to go see a movie with a Panda Bear in it, just because Alexis is obsessed with all things Panda-ish. I mean GAH! Jack Black and Angelina Jolie do voices for it. Have either of them ever been in a movie that was suitable for children? Shark Tale hardly counts, if you ask my old brain.

At least I'm still younger than Angelina Jolie. I've got that going for me.