Saturday, March 21, 2020
Day Four
TODAY WAS A SUCCESSFUL DAY OF WORKING! HUZZAH!
Ahem.
I think maybe we're figuring this thing out. Slowly, but surely, which is a good thing since I have zero expectations of it ever ending. (See what I did there? I set expectations at a point where I know they have to be exceeded so I can be happy when it happens!)
And on Day Four, it became really very clear that I am going to win the gold medal in social distancing. I have trained my entire life to avoid humans because WHY DON'T YOU ALL ALWAYS DO THAT?
Picture the scene. You're at the library and it's mostly empty. You stop to look for a particular book in the children's section. You're looking and looking and looking ... and a woman just walks up and stands four inches from you to look at the same shelf.
The library is mostly empty, remember? And, for what it's worth, this is the children's portion of the library. You're looking for a LEGO level 1 early reader sort of thing, of which there are likely dozens, and you know they're in this basic area, though the early reader stuff goes on for several rows. Like, all the way down.
But that lady is standing right there.
So you go to another part of the library because SOCIAL DISTANCING. I realize none of us had heard those words used together until this month, but we should have. Because they are good words.
And while you are social distancing, the woman who clearly needs THAT EXACT shelf at the library more than you do, casually glances around for a few seconds and then moves. RIGHT OVER TO WHERE YOU MOVED TO.
This. This right here is the story of my life. I do not understand why humankind does it, but amongst us are people like me who would very much so prefer to always have a 6' bubble around them. I simply super don't like people standing close to me, and I especially don't like strangers there. I'm fine in crowds and such, but if there's enough space? BACK AWAY FROM THE CRANKY BLOGGER. And yet there are people in stores and public space who will stand awkwardly near by for no known reason. They could be shopping for curtains or need a can of soup, but they apparently have to do it at THAT EXACT SECOND?
I am the opposite. About a month ago ... remember a month ago? We went out in public and did blissful things like buy new booster seats for our very tiny 5-year old who is never going to outgrow a 5-point harness. Alexis went with me because a month ago it was normal to drag kids along for random errands. When Alexis and I reached the car seat aisle, there was a man and a woman trying to pick an infant seat.
They seemed perplexed. Like, they really hadn't started to make a decision. They were reading every little sign and wandering up and down the aisle. I figured they needed a minute and that I would give them space. LIKE NORMAL HUMANS DO.
Alexis and I went to look at clothes for a few minutes. Remember when we did that? We used to wander through Target and touch clothes and sometimes buy clothes for no reason other than because they were there. ::sigh::
After looking at every single article of clothing in the place, we walked back to the car seats. The people were still perplexed. Sooo ... Alexis and I went and grabbed a bunch of groceries LIKE NORMAL HUMANS DO. Why crowd the Car Seat Deciders if we didn't have to?
By then another 20 minutes had passed, so we wandered back.
They were still there.
So we went and picked up some cleaning supplies. We didn't need any cleaning supplies but hahahahahalolololz... omg. Yes, we did. THAT is why there is so many Lysol wipes in my house. There was a sale that day and I bought alllll of them. Like, a year's supply. OR SO I THOUGHT. We'll probably run out by Day Seven.
ANYWAY. At that point we had been in the store for over an hour and still hadn't picked up the one thing we were there for, so I picked up my phone and did the only thing a person who respects space could do - I bought the car seat on my phone and scheduled it for pick up at the store we were already standing in. The super fun and awesome Target employee must have grabbed it from backstock, because when Alexis and I finally walked past again to leave, the people were still being Car Seat Deciders. They had like 8 car seats in the middle of the aisle and were still talking.
Which is fine, really. Those of us who respect boundaries can find ways to not have to be up next to other humans. Truly!
SO, WORLD, FIGURE IT OUT.
Because I ran to Target last night for emergency food supplies (i.e. ice cream and Oreos which are so emergency food supplies because my children have been around me 24/7 for many days now) and know Y'ALL DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SOCIAL DISTANCE. I am perfectly capable of only walking down aisles that are devoid of humans. WHY AREN'T YOU? AND THAT GUY? AND THAT OTHER LADY? I'm always ridiculous about hating it when people are near me for no reason, but to do it now? SERIOUSLY?
There was a point where I was grabbing a tub of ice cream (emergency ice cream!). There were maybe 10 people inside the entire store because the majority of this world gets it and is staying home. I had timed my trip for when I knew the store would be extra empty, too. ANYWAY, I'm standing there grabbing ice cream and a stranger walks up AND OPENS THE DOOR RIGHT NEXT TO MINE.
I swear to all of the gods, my feet caught fire. It was as if I had discovered I was standing in the middle of a river of lava and I bolted faster than Usain Bolt.
BUT WHY? WHY NOT WAIT THREE SECONDS BEFORE STANDING IN MY SPACE?
Social distancing, y'all. It is good.
Take a step back from me.
And other one.
Cool. Now we're good.
