Ugh

Mila still doesn't sleep in her own bed. She managed to do so exactly once, but now that she has the hamster that was at the end of that rainbow, she's good. There's no need to try that ever again.

Which, it's fine. She's truly the best little co-sleeper around. She rarely moves around, doesn't steal blankets, and is just plain cuddly at night. It's all good.

But MOLFASMUCKENTOOF if I can sneak out of bed without waking her up. Whether it's 2:00 am or 6:00 am, that kid KNOWS when I try to leave. I can't even make it to the door before she panic-yells, "MOMMA!" because, you know, being in bed without mom is THE WORST. You can't even do it when said mom just wants to go to the bathroom and pretend there are plenty of hours left to sleep.

This morning I needed to go to work early but super wanted Mila to sleep until her usual time. My alarm went off at 5:30 and I slammed that thing off before a second tone could float out of my phone and travel to Mila's ears.

And then I laid perfectly still.

For five minutes.

Seriously, it was a full five minutes. I figured I needed to last that long before I moved a millimeter because it was the only way Mila would settle back into sleep if she had happened to hear that one tiny note of an alarm.

When five minutes was up, I moved one leg a tiny bit. Then the other one. And then I slooooooowly rolled towards the edge of the bed.

Quietly.

Softly.

Sooooooo patiently.

When I finally FINALLY made it to the edge of the bed, I silently dropped to the floor. I have learned that if I stand up, Mila will see me. She will see that I'm standing not next to her and she will FLIP OUT.

I army-crawled to the door.

And slithered into the hall.

No dogs barked. No cats looked up. I was truly the most silent of silent people. A mouse blinking makes more noise than I did.

And then Mila screamed, "MAMA I NEEEEEED YOU!" at the top of her lungs and the entire house exploded with noise. The dogs barked, cats meowed, Alexis yelled "SHHHHHH!"

So much noise.

Someday I'll learn how to get past the hibernating Mila Moose. It wasn't today, though.

Delicate Flowers

The thing about having two girls is that there are SO many delicate flowers in this house. There's glitter and sequins, laces and frill, and a constant need for speaking softly and politely.

Or not.

I mean, Alexis is sort of a delicate flower. Mostly. Kind of. She's a delicate flower who can use a table saw and who refuses to wear makeup. Don't ask me how I ended up with a cheerleader who doesn't wear makeup, by the way. I can't explain it. I think it's related to the fact that she has to wear ALL of the makeup for competitions. It seems that has made her find it annoying.

I'll take it.

Mila is even more delicate, of course. She who walks around with sticky hands at all times and who thinks bugs are her best friend is ... well ..

This is a thing that happened.

Mila: ~REALLY loud burp~

Me: "Excuse you, Mila."

Mila, yelling at the top of her lungs: "YEAAAAAH, BABY! EXCUSE ME!"

So delicate.

A Friend To Answer Every Question

I grew up with a complete set of encyclopedias in my house. I don't know how people who can't pay their electric bill end up with encyclopedias, but it was a very good thing we had them because I used them A LOT. The library wasn't terribly accessible and I'm old enough to clearly remember life before the internet, so those encyclopedias got me through a lot of research. They were outdated by the time I was in 4th grade, but it was a different time. Facts about dinosaurs weren't changing daily, for example. 

How nuts is that, by the way? I'm old enough to remember a time when we had to wait for the results of a study to become widely known and accepted before the public perception of fact changed. Now? It can change every five minutes. There's good and bad to it, of course, but GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN, WHIPPERSNAPPER. I'm so old.

Alexis has it different, for sure, but Mila? HOLY CRAP IS MILA LIVING IN A DIFFERENT TIME. She's not ever going to know what an encyclopedia is because why would she? She can, at any moment, find out the answer to any question. She can't spell or read ( ... much. She's getting there. SLOWLY.), but she can turn to Alexa for anything.

And she does.

Mila is constantly asking Alexa to answer the greatest mysteries in her life. It's her way of settling arguments, even. Last week Mila and Alexis were arguing about 18 plus 18. Mila was CONVINCED that the answer is 30 but Alexis wouldn't listen to her, so she asked Alexa.

Alexa sided wrong, but NO WORRIES. Mila's response, "Alexa is still learning addition. She can't know everything!"

Mila has also asked Alexa for answers on her homework. As in, "What does T-H-A-T spell?" Why learn to read when Alexa will do it for you? (I wonder why that SLOWLY thing with learning to read is a theme? ::sigh::)

Alexa has explained where babies come from to Mila as well. The good news is I had FreeTime set up so Alexa gave an age-appropriate answer. THANK GOODNESS.

Basically, Mila has endless faith in Alexa's ability to know everything about everything. It's an ongoing theme which is FASCINATING since Alexa refuses to learn how to pronounce Mila's name correctly. Mila has a few playlists stored on Amazon Music and Alexa won't play them unless Mila says, "Play Meeeela's playlist."

Never trust a computer that won't pronounce your name correctly, Mila.