An Accomplishment

I've always been careful to avoid calling so-called swears "bad words." They're not BAD, per se, they're just better suited for people who don't schedule their day around a bunch of animated talking dogs. We'll go with "grown-up words." That works for us.

That worked for Alexis, at least. She is the rule follower, of course, so she's over here in seventh grade still clutching her pearls when she overhears someone saying "heck." Her standards are waaaaaay higher than mine, is what I'm saying. Words that I find to be totally acceptable send her into a tizzy. Which, whatever. It's fine. If she wants to maintain a list of 200 words she feels are inappropriate, that's her choice.

I swear in front of her now. Mostly becasue I love watching her clutch her pearls.

This theory of "grown-up words" is failing with Mila, on the other hand. She wants to know "bad or good" because if it's "bad?" SHE IS SO THERE. The kid looooves to break rules so she has managed to make all sorts of things inappropriate. For example, she eloquently says, "What the ... ?" in a way that leaves you filling in the blank so quickly that you think she filled in the blank and WELP. She's technically only saying "good" words but everybody still ends up thinking swearing has happened.

And now it has.

Somebody must have said, "What the hell?" around Mila because she started filling in the blank. And if I thought Alexis clutched her pearls when *I* swear, we have unlocked a new level of grandma when Mila sort of swears. It would be my new favorite thing if I weren't worried that Mila is teaching her friends at school her new saying.

That other saying is my bigger concern, though.

Let's go ahead and mark our calendars, kids. Today was the day when I first hear one of my girls drop the "f" word in perfect context. It was said with a level of expertise that comes with practice.

It wasn't Alexis.

Which makes it official. My 4-year old officially swore before my 12-year old did. WELP.

Super Girl

I am contractually obligated to take Mila to a playground at least once per week. I believe I get a bonus if I hit five times in one week, so basically I do my best and Mila keeps letting me be in her life. That could change at any moment.

On this particular day, I was in Mila's good graces because I took her to her favorite playground. It has lots of slides, plenty of swings, and the ground is "squishy." That's important because children who are not afraid of the world tend to crash into it.

Mila was doing her usual thing - running and jumping, climbing and sliding, and generally showing the world what carefree and happy looks like. She's so good at it. So very good.

Or at least, she was, right up until HE happened.

HE was a little boy who was probably two or three years older than Mila. He was also running and jumping, climbing and sliding, but instead of throwing joy into the world, he seemed mad about something or other. I don't know what. I don't actually care. I was there to bask in happy, so that's what I was doing.

But then Mr. Angry Face decided he OWNED one of the slides. He stood at the top and struck a dominant pose. Armed crossed over his chest, chin up, HE WAS IN CHARGE.

He's never encountered the force that is Mila, obviously.

The Tiny Human noticed that he was blocking a slide and promptly decided that was the best slide in the world. She was going down that slide and she didn't care. She stomped her way over there and began to slide past the boy.

He moved to block it better. "This is MY slide," he said.

I looked for an adult to interrupt whatever the nonsense was that was happening in front of me, but of course I couldn't find the adult that corresponded with the kid. That's always how it works, right?

No matter. Mila had things under control.

"It's my turn," she replied as she continued to nudge past.

"NO, IT'S NOT," he raised his voice in return.

There were two things that could happen in that moment. Mila could either rip his face off and continue on with her life or she could turn around and quietly walk away. Probably crying. Mila HATES to be challenged. It crushes her soul.

Buuuuuut ... no. She didn't let anything crush her soul, nor did she go all Hulksmash. In fact, I'm still stunned at her quiet and assertive response. "I feel you should let me have a turn," she quietly responded.

It was so powerful. Quiet, assertive, matter-of-fact. But it had a heaping pile of threats behind it. It was as if an army of hundreds of angry girls had lined up behind her and she was just waiting for an invitation to tell them to attack.

The little boy (wisely) chose to back down. Crisis averted. Nobody had to resort to doing anything that would get them in trouble.

But now I'm even more fearful of the Tiny Terror. She's figuring out how to harness her powers. I'm in sooooo much trouble.

The Hiking Phase

It has been about two weeks since my world got flipped turned upside down (you're welcome for the ear worm). I took the girls hiking and one of them loved it while the other was all WAAAAAAH WAAAAH WAAAAAAAH.

The one who liked it happily jumped in the mud, climbed all over rocks, and was SO excited to be surrounded by nature.

The other one whined and moaned and groaned because her feet hurt, mud is dirty, rocks are dumb, and blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I stopped listening after about the fiftieth Whinefest.

Which, I would have predicted that I'd have one whiner and one girl all in, BUT I HAD THE GIRLS BACKWARDS. Wuuuuuut?

Indeed, it was Alexis who instantly fell in love with the idea of tromping through the forest and discovering new things. The kid has walked through streams with her shoes on, found herself covered in mud, and has loudly yelled, "EROSION IS SO COOL!"

I mean, she's a nerd, but I didn't expect The Cheerleader to be THAT kind of nerd. Aren't cheerleaders supposed to be wimps about dirt and work and such?

APPARENTLY NOT.

The other kid, the one who is a living, breathing mess, is the one who was all sorts of pissed off that she was surrounded by nature. She flipped out when some mud jumped up and attacked her shoe. She lost her mind about walking more than ten steps. She generally was a whiny mcwhiner about the whole thing.

So I made them go again. We might as well exploit this thing where they don't fit the roles they were born to fill, right? And then I made them go again and again and basically, that's how we have been filling our "free" time lately. If I have a few hours and need to entertain the two of them, I opt to find a random trail and make one happy while I piss the other one off. I'm not going to admit to which part of that is more fun.

There's just one problem - the Tiny Human is starting to enjoy the organized chaos. I swear I saw the kid purposely jump in a mud puddle the other day and she walked the entirety of two miles without complaining more than twenty times.

That's a record.

If the weather holds out, I might just stick with it enough for the girls to flip opinions and go back to the worlds that I expect. We shall see.