Liar Liar Pants on Fire

We had a long list of things we had to do this evening, so it turned into a "grab Sonic" sort of dinner. I realize we rely on fast food entirely too much, but to be fair, it's balanced with foods that are waaaaay on the other side of the spectrum, so COME AT ME, BRO. You can judge me and my kids for our grilled cheese and tater tots meal right after you show me your kid happily eating vegetable paella like mine do. Which is to say, meh, kids eat what they eat and we should all stop caring about what other people's kids eat.

ANYWAY.

So, it was a super busy night so I grabbed grilled cheese and tater tots for the girls. They were both really very happy with this development, right up until Mila opened her bag and saw her "patater tots."

"I don't like patater tots!" she wailed. "I want french fries!"

You guys. YOU GUYS. If that whiny sentence doesn't perfectly sum up life with a preschooler, I don't know what does. They tell the dumbest lies. The kid likes tater tots just fine and always has. Anything potato is a win; fried potatoes are how you become Mila's best friend.

Thus, I replied, "Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!" she sobbed. She then continued on to thoroughly lecture me about all the ways she hates "patater tots." I think she may have ended with some cussing and name-calling, but I can't be sure because the whining makes me want to jump out a window. I had stopped listening.

We argued a little, me not hearing what she said and her not caring what I said, until finally I declared the battle over. "Take one bite and you can be done with the tater tots," I said. We're pretty firm about the "try it" rule around here. Both girls are expected to take one bite of everything I serve. If they genuinely don't like it, fine, but they have to try it every time I serve it.

Mila took a bit. A teeny, tiny bite.

"I LOVE PATATER TOTS!" she bubbled before popping three in her mouth.

"I thought you said you didn't like them?" I said.

"No, I did not!" she mumbled with her mouth full of fried potato goodness.

Preschoolers lie about the dumbest things.

Tiny Spice

We've all inadvertently created a monster a time or two in our lives. We let a kid take a taste of a perfect ice cream, for example, and all of a sudden we have to share it forever and ever amen. I've made that sort of mistake enough times to know to be very cautious before sharing something I enjoy with the girls.

Alexis has learned her lesson this week. I hope.

I don't know what made Alexis think to show Mila a Spice Girls video, but she did. That led to another video and a lesson about who is who and ZOMG NOW IT IS ALL MILA WILL TALK ABOUT. For about a week now, Mila has spent every possible moment watching Spice Girls music videos, learning lyrics, and talking about how much she likes this Spice Girl or that one. Baby Spice is "pretty" for example, but Mila has no time for Posh Spice.

At this very moment, Mila is laying on top of Alexis demanding "Spice videos" but Alexis has no interest but haaaaa! Good luck with that, kid. Mila can demand the same thing for hours on end. It is her one and only duty in life to be annoying and she does it very well.

"Spice videos."

"I want Spice videos."

"Mom, sissy won't let me watch Spice videos!"

This has been going on for half an hour at this point and shows no sign of stopping. I super hope Alexis has learned her lesson because I have had quite enough of Tiny Spice making demands.

I wonder how this one learned Spice Girls lyrics? Hmmmm, I wonder.

A post shared by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Jun 20, 2018 at 11:59am PDT

No Soup For You

I'll be the first to admit I have it good. The 8-year age gap leads to two kids who live in very different worlds, and thus don't have much to fight about.

BUT WHEN THEY DO ...

Ugh.

Every Tuesday is about the same. The girls both have gymnastics classes, so we end up eating dinner on the run. Normally that means fast food before class, but lately I've been throwing snacks at them and then feeding them after class. It's been working to take some of the hectic out of our evening, so HOORAY! This week they couldn't agree on what they wanted for dinner, so I ended up getting them separate dinners.

Mila got hotcakes from McDonald's while Alexis was tumbling. We then picked up Panera for Alexis on the way home. Which, have you ever wondered who the heck orders broccoli and cheese soup in the middle of the summer? ALEXIS, THAT'S WHO. She doesn't care that it was 90 degrees outside and that she just finished an hour running and jumping in a place that doesn't have air conditioning. She likes hot soup no matter the weather.

For her part, Mila picked the hotcakes thing. She had all the choices in the world and the one thing she was absolutely certain about was that she did not want Panera. No way. No how. FORGET IT, MOM. So we grabbed the soup for Alexis on the way home and then ...

Then the girls then spent the next 20 minutes fighting over the damn broccoli soup.

Mila wanted to eat it because she was still hungry. SURPRISE! Who would have guessed that the kid who ate every speck of butter but only a few bites of pancake would still be hungry? But Alexis didn't want to share her soup because she was also hungry, what with it being her first chance at dinner and all.

Basically, I had kids in the back seat of a car yelling back and forth.

"I WANT THE BROCK-LEEEEE!"

"NO, IT'S MINE."

"BUT I WANT THE BROCK-LEEEE!"

"I'M NOT SHARING THE BROCCOLI!"

They went on and on and back and forth and WHO THE HELL ARGUES ABOUT BROCCOLI SOUP ON A 90 DEGREE DAY? ::headdesk::

To make matters better, at one point Shawn Mendes cut into the conversation. As his voice came across the radio, he quietly said, "Help me," to which I wanted to reply, "Child, you have no idea how bad things can get. Come at me when you've survived two kids fighting over broccoli soup."