Faking Friendship When Real Friends Aren't Available

33.8% of parenting is arguing with your kids about eating and sleeping at the times of day that they should be eating or sleeping.

41.9% of parenting is trying to find the other shoe.

24.8% of parenting is wondering when mathing became so difficult. Can we blame this on "new math?"

31.6% of parening is questioning if your kids hear anything you tell them.

98.3% of parenting is hoping your kids hear the important things you tell them.

There's a story that I won't share because 5th graders are entitled to some semblence of privacy. I may be all up in Alexis' business all of the time, but that doesn't mean I have to amplify her business, you know?

The short, approved-for-sharing, version of the tale is that there was a situation and Alexis handled it in a way that was nothing short of an art form. Girlfriend stood her ground and then gave a lesson on responding with grace. It was FANTASTIC. Frankly, I was in awe. Truly.

A few days after the whole thing played out, I asked Alexis a simple question - how did you figure out the right words to make it through that so well? Her answer was to blame me.

SHE BLAMED ME FOR HAVING THE RIGHT WORDS.

Well, technically she said that she tried to think about how *I* would respond and she went with that. Which, could the kid flatter me more? I didn't argue with her at the time, but I did think that she legitimately handled the whole thing better than I ever could have. I ended up telling the kid as much.

The conversation meandered in a few different directions, but at the end of it, Alexis ended up rolling her eyes at me and saying, "MOM, we practice this kind of stuff all of the time! Of course I knew how to handle it!"

So.

Huh.

Things being what they are, I decided it was time that I practice what I preach (Alexis is right - I have made her practice simular situations). I practiced what I would say if I were to bear witness to a particular type of situation. You can go ahead and fill in the blanks as you see fit, but I decided that my goal would follow three easy steps:

1. Engage. Loudly say, "Hey! I can't believe I'm running into you here of all places!"

2. Reassure. Hug the person. I may hate hugs, but a hug is a super effective way of creating the illusion that you know someone and it allows you to put yourself between them and the problem. While leaning in, I can whisper, "Play along" if it seems necessary.

3. Move on. Carrying on about this video should be an easy way to establish a conversation and walk away.

SON OF A HORNLESS UNICORN THIS ONE IS NOT ALLOWED TO CHEER.

A video posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Nov 13, 2016 at 12:06pm PST

You better believe I can quickly and without effort tell the story of a little person who has suddenly decided she's going all in on this cheerleader thing, despite the fact that we have a strict "one cheerleader per household" rule. I mean, LISTEN TO HER. She's loving every moment of chanting, "Let's get fired up." I definitely need to share the story with a stranger who just became a long-lost friend.

There's no way of knowing if I'll ever encounter a situation where it makes sense to follow my little script, but having it planned out was a very small thing that made me feel a little bit better.

Greek Pizza Ring

If every meal could be cheese stuffed inside of some sort of dough, I'm relatively certainly life would be at least 32% more enjoyable. Alas, sometimes you have to find balance with vegetables and stuff.

Or you can stuff some vegetables in that dough with the cheese.

That's spinach, red peppers, onions, feta cheese, and mozzarella cozying up in there. They're very happy together. They'd be happier if some black olives and artichoke hearts had joined them, but I'll save the finger-pointing on that one for another day.

The point is, this was sooooooo good. So, so good.

Greek Pizza Ring

Dough for one pizza (either the tube stuff or from scratch)
1/2 cup pizza sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 red pepper, sliced
1 medium yellow onion, sliced
2 cups fresh spinach
1 clove garlic
1/2 cup feta cheese
Sliced mozzarella

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Grill/sauté/whatever those vegetables. Start by putting the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat then add the red pepper. Toss in the onion, then the spinach, and finally the garlic. The vegetables are ready when the onions turn clear and the spinach is fully wilted.

2. Roll out the pizza dough into a circle. Be smarter than me and do it on a piece of parchment paper, mmkay?

3. Cut an "X" into the center of the dough.

4. Spread the pizza sauce around the "X" to create a circle of awesome. Then make the circle more awesome with the vegetables.

5. Add the cheese. Feta first and then the mozzarella.

6. Time to tuck everything in all cozy and tight. Start by pulling the outside edges up over the cheese.

7. Make the inside edges meet up with the outside edges.

8. Brush some olive oil over the top of the dough. If you want, sprinkle some garlic salt or sesame seeds or whatever there as well. Your call. Then slide the whole shebang to a baking sheet. This is the point where you'll be REAL glad you were smarter than me and put it on parchment paper. It's possible to move it without, but it's much easier with it.

9. Bake at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes. It's done when the top is golden brown.

10. Allow it to sit for a few minutes at room temperature before cutting. Trust me.

11. Be happy. That's all that's left.

Finding Happy in a Pile of Leaves