So Tricky

Nobody at daycare ever lets Mila eat any food at all, or so she claims. Despite the fact that her lunch box is returned home each night empty, the kid climbs into the car at the end of the day and immediately begins seeking food. It's as if she hasn't seen a crumb in days, which I know is a lie.

Oh well.

It's best to just toss some crackers or something over my shoulder.

Today, though, I didn't have any snacks in the car. That's a risky way to go through life, but in theory we should be able to co-exist for 15 minutes until we get home. I opted to try distracting the hungry, hungry hippo with some music. I turned up the radio, found Mila's favorite song on my phone, and started the dance party.

"Watch Me Now" by Silento, by the way. That's her favorite song. Still. A year after I first was done hearing that song. If Mila ever questions if I love her, that will be my retort. I LISTED TO SILENTO FOR A SOLID YEAR FOR YOU, CHILD.

The distraction worked. Mila began whipping and naeing (I'm not kidding, for what it's worth. See also: BLAME ALEXIS.). She happily sang a word here and there at the top of her lungs and we made our way to get the big sister who owes me so hard for letting Mila hear that song in the first place.

As we neared Alexis' after school program, Mila had an idea. She told me all about it. "Mom, do you want some ice cream?"

That's some sort of trick question, right? The answer is absolutely always yes. ALWAYS. I replied, "Maybe after dinner."

"No, you need ice cream now," she replied.

"I think I can wait," I replied.

A few minutes went by. Mila returned to singing while looking out the window, but then suddenly she pointed and yelled, "Look! There's ice cream! Let's go get your ice cream!"

It's a really good thing I'm not completely stupid or I would have fallen for my 2-year old tricking me into making ice cream my idea when she was the one who really wanted it.

Living in Two Worlds Has Its Advantages

The majority of my war stories about parenting are shared with parents that have kids Alexis' age. My time is most spent following the 10-year old around, and there aren't many 10-year olds running around with a 2-year old sibling. Thus, it's rare that I interact with the parent of a toddler.

But once in a while I do.

To tell the story about the OMGSTAAAAHP, I have to admit something. Go ahead and judge me for it because I'm not stopping until Mila says I have to, but the Tiny Human falls asleep in my arms every night. Still. I sit in the chair in her room and rock her to sleep and it's the best. If she wants me to go off to college with her and continue it, that's cool. I'll be ready and waiting, probably with a bigger chair.

Anyway, for the past month or so, we've done the rock to sleep thing, but just when I think Mila is finally fully asleep, she bolts upright and demands water.

EVERY. NIGHT.

Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Little Snore. WATER, PLEASE.

I can be trained, so I keep a cup of water next to the chair. It's no big thing because she chugs half the water, lays back down, and passes out. Except, one night, things didn't go quite that smoothly.

First the water wasn't acceptable because it didn't have ice in it.

Then it was in the wrong cup.

Not THAT cup. The other cup.

It's supposed to be water from Alexis' bottle, you dummy.

The water is too cold.

Why is it in a bottle? It should be in a cup.

And on and on.

I couldn't get it right and Mila wouldn't give up.

I was telling the story to the parent of a toddler because it's funny. There's something completely hysterical about how toddlers are quick to articulate what they want, but even quicker to change their minds about what they want. I can't help but laugh every time Mila does it.

The toddler parent did not share my amusement. She launched into a story about how crazy it makes her when her kid does it and woof. You guys, she gets rattled to the core by it. As she ended her looooong retort about how awful toddlers are, she said, "I can't wait until she's older. Everything is going to be so much easier."

I think that might be the funniest thing I've ever heard another parent say. I guess we'll have to hope that mom can find her groove because the best is yet to come.

Hi, I'm Melissa. Or Not.

I keep ending up with really random stuff in my car. This is not at all different from usual as it's not uncommon to find a lone sock, a pile of glitter, and enough crumbs to make dinner. Lately, though, I've upped the ante with a variety of work things. They're very random, trust me.

Part of the collection of random things were in a box. The box happened to be labeled with my name, except not. For some reason, for as long as I can remember, if people have gotten my name wrong, they've called me "Melissa."

Seriously.

My entire life.

Either people get it right and call me "Michelle" or the get it wrong and I'm "Melissa." Always Melissa. There are no other names that get attached to me.

So there was a box and it said it was for "Melissa" and Alexis saw it. Her head exploded from the fact that it isn't my name. She thought it was hilarious that someone couldn't remember my real name. Which, it's no big deal in my head. At least when people get it wrong I still know to answer because Melissa. ALWAYS MELISSA.

I explained as much to Alexis. I gave her a short list of some of the people who have called me Melissa. The list includes family, friends, total strangers, co-workers, and lots of people who Alexis has met over the years.

She was stunned. How is it possible that it's ALWAYS the same?

We left the conversation with a debate. I say it's a thing. There are lots of people who have a not-name that is consistent. She says that's crazypants. What say you, internet?