I Lose. Again.

I often have moments of gratefulness that Alexis is on my team. She's a force to be reckoned with, for sure. Just ask the person who tried to argue with her that there's nothing insulting about, "Scream like a girl." Actually, don't ask. I think that person has been rendered incapable of speech thanks to she who is really good at supporting her opinions.

(I do not put her up to these things, by the way. I've spent a lifetime ignoring sexism and charging ahead while throwing signs of it to the side, but then I met Alexis and her 24624319809 questions. You can't run from the realities of sexism when you've got a little girl standing in front of you asking why "run like a girl" is used as an insult when she's faster than all of the boys.) (She's not wrong.) (She's still waaaaaaaay more vocal about these things than I am. I'm learning, though.)

Not only is Alexis a master of thoughtful debate, she's also really super good at problem solving. It's disconcerting, to be honest. She has always been good at it, so I at least know to expect that she will find a workable solution regardless of the situation.

And that's how it came to be that Alexis figured out a complete plan for acquiring a cell phone that actually works as a phone. Right now she has an old iPhone. It essentially is a iPod Touch since it doesn't have a data or voice plan. Alexis has to depend on wi-fi, a fact which has started to make her nutty.

But then she figured it all out.

Step 1: Determine who much we spend on daycare, after school, camp, and all of those things.

Step 2: Determine how much we won't spend on all of those things if she is in charge of Mila.

Step 3: TAAAA-DAAAAAAH!

Really. Alexis put together a very detailed financial report about how if she starts babysitting next summer, she can pay for five years of phone bills within a month.

FIVE YEARS.

Her math was valid.

History will tell a story about a mom who started saying "No" regardless of the question and who refused to ever explain why the answer was no. History will judge that mother harshly, but know this: she was refusing to have the "why not" conversation because she didn't stand a chance at winning it.

Welp.

The Beginning of the End of Elementary School

I think there is a law or something that says I *have* to post this.

FIFTH. GRADE.

I didn't have anything to say about that (just lots of sobbing and incoherent rambling, if we're being honest), but then I went and looked at the first day of school posts from other years. I got stuck on one in particular. First grade, man.

The photo was enough to make my heart grow 18 sizes, but then I went and read the post.

Dear Alexis,

By the time you read this, you'll already know this fun little fact, but I'll share it here just in case. I lose sleep over major decisions, struggling with them and weighing my options and thinking entirely too hard about them. But, once the decision is made, I let it go. I forgive myself if things don't go the way I had hoped. I do it because I believe that if I've given a decision all of my heart when making it, I owe it to myself to find my happy in the consequences.

I wasn't able to do that last year when it came to the decision about where you should go to school.

I second-guessed myself and regretted things and considered changing paths and generally continued to struggle long past the moment I first dropped you off in that lunchroom just over a year ago.

I have a feeling this year is going to be more of the same. We've changed course and moved you to a new school. I'm not sure how it will end. I'm working towards finding peace with it because IT'S DONE. I have no time machine to go back and change it. Letting go is hard, though.

Really hard.

It took me until that moment when your bus pulled away from the curb this morning to figure out why I'm still toiling over the decision. It's because you've reached an age where it's up to you.

You have to find your happy.

I may pick your school, but how you interact with teachers and classmates and your school work is 100% you. I can guide you, encourage you, and try to help you along the field of life when need be, but you have to do it on your own.

All I can do is pick the school and then yell encouraging words from the sidelines.

It's really a very minor decision to pick your school. But, really, it's one of the few I still have.

So, my dear, grab hold of this fresh start as tight as you can. Squeeze every last bit of happiness out of it, give it everything you've got, and I'll be right over here cheering you on.

Love,

The Lady Who Was Super Grateful That You Still Wanted Me To Walk You To The Bus Stop

I can sum up how that all worked out with one little quote Alexis delivered to me earlier today.

"The hallway is my runway and the classroom is my after party."

Mission accomplished.

Controlling Time

The second that's passing by as you read this was the tiniest bit shorter than the one before it, but that second was long if you stand it side-by-side with the ones that came before it. That's how it goes, each second is the tiniest bit shorter than the last, and as the days and years add up, you suddenly find yourself knocking on the door to September while June slips through your fingers.

That's how it came to be that the summer was over before I realized it had started. While Alexis will tell you that it was about freakin' time school started, I was still looking for a good few days that we could go do summer up right.

Fortunately, missed opportunities are a myth. They're just opportunities that needed to wait for another day, so we moved some plans around and found our way to Cedar Point over the weekend. Summer bucket list item, check!

As the seconds slip by, the way we do amusement parks changes. While last year it was all about the Big Kid and letting her find the Big Thrills, this year there is a Tiny Human who very much so would like to board that giant roller coaster, please and thank you. She takes it well when I tell her she has to stick to kiddie rides, which is good because she is officially too big for me to slip into my pocket. I can't sneak her on to The Gatekeeper, but I can help her climb up to a new horsie.

A little give, a little take. That's how to balance the thrills for the bigger one while keeping the chills going for the smaller one. One rides a big ride and then watches as the other gets her day full of awesome.

Even as we spent our day at Cedar Point following a Divide and Conquer plan, there was one thing that the girls could agree on. When a very heavy rainstorm passed through and left very big rain puddles in its wake, the girls both found a new way to be thrilled.

It's in these moments, the seconds filled with shared joy, that time pauses. And it's the best.