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Long Live Mrs. Goodbee and Her Mystical Toddler Entertaining Ways

I had a dream. A dream about a dollhouse. In that dream, I bought Alexis the biggest, fanciest, old style wooden dollhouse you have ever seen. I, er, I mean we would spend hours arranging tiny wooden furniture and placing little pieces of perfectly cut carpet and hanging spiffy little pieces of flowery wallpaper and I, er, I mean we would love and cherish that dollhouse for years.

Then I woke up, peered around our tiny little townhouse, and realized that dream will have to wait until I have a big ol' playroom for my, er, I mean her dream dollhouse.

So then came Mrs. Goodbee.

Sure, she's plastic and she makes noise, meaning she is an evil sort of toy, but HOLY HELLOLOLLIPOP does the Toddler love that thing. She plays and plays and plays and plays. Every. single. day. It is by far her absolute favorite toy right now. She's had it for over a month, and the girl still adores it, to the point that it is currently my "threat toy." (As in, "Quit XYZ or I'll take away your dollhouse." It ALWAYS works.)

Somewhere along the happy trail of peacefully playing toddler bliss, we figured we would get the kid some more accessories for her dollhouse. After all, dollhouses sort of require dolls to be fun. So we picked up a few extra dolls and some furniture and all was good.


Until I watched the Toddler set up a slumber party and realized that there was a very severe shortage of testosterone in her dollhouse.

So off we ran to Target to pick up a boy for the dollhouse. Sadly, Target didn't have any. So, we ran to Wal-Mart, where there was also a total and complete lack of boy action. We tried Toys 'R Us. Lather, rinse, repeat. No. boys. anywhere.

I tried to substitute.

Alexis would have none of that nonsense.

So, off we went to more stores. It took THREE Targets, a Wal-Mart, and TWO Toys 'R Us before we finally found a man.

He was a handy man.

Yes, he is sitting on the toilet. Alexis says, "He's pooping." He's been doing that for several days now. Poor guy.

A few days later, as luck would have it, I found the only other man available for Mrs. Goodbee. And, yes, I do know that I could have bought any little guy, but I have a thing about brands having to match. I seriously will not wear Adidas work out pants with Nike shoes, not even to run to the grocery store. So, there is NO way a Fisher Price dude was walking into Mrs. Goodbee Caring Corners land.

It is positively hysterical (I think) that the man I finally found came complete with a couch and TV. If Mrs. Goodbee were more of a gender neutral sort of toy, it would probably would make me all sorts of cranky that the only two male figures are engaging in such stereotypical behaviors. However, it's definitely a girly sort of toy, and little girls might as well learn early that men like tools and they like to watch TV. A lot. Besides, it only took Alexis and I a few minutes to rectify the overdone gender roles thing.

Make sure that your little boys know that is how life is supposed to look. :-)

So, after much effort and searching, the Mrs. Goodbee kingdom was complete. Except, there seems to be a problem. TV Dude is MISSING. In fact, I haven't been able to find him for two weeks. Also MIA? The Bed Lady. I don't know where the two of them have run off to, but I have torn this tiny townhouse to pieces trying to find them. I mean, I have actually cleaned in an effort to reunite them with the rest of the dollhouse peeps.

I guess Bed Lady was so excited to finally see a man, she's hiding him somewhere so as to not have to share with all the other chicks.

(The above photo is the last time Bed Lady was seen hanging out in Mrs. Goodbee. Come back Bed Lady!)



It is snowing. Outside. In Pittsburgh. Before Halloween.

I am not amused.

At all.

Yes, I am not amused. She who is totally -whatever- when it comes to snow. It does not bother me one iota. I might even like it. A lot. In November, December, and January, that is. However, this whole melding of seasons with the leaves falling side-by-side with snowflakes? NOT COOL.

Unless you ask the Toddler. Yes, THE TODDLER. She who is totally -AAAAAARGH HELP ME- when it comes to snow. The same child who last year would not allow her cute little snow boots to come in contact with even a single flake is all, "Ook! Snow!" and "I wanna wear snowpants!" and "Where my boots?" this year.

I'm pretty sure that when the Toddler was off wandering with another little girl at gymnastics tonight, she was asking if the other kid knew the number for Child and Youth Services. I'm positive she's trying to report us for child abuse because we wouldn't let her stand outside and play in the snow. Instead, I had the audacity to make her eat dinner.

I know. I'm evil.

But not as evil as snow in October.


The End is in Sight

One. more. week.

Can I get a halle-freakin-lujah?

I'm pretty sure that if I hear ANYTHING else election-related, my brain might splatter all over the walls. I reached my saturation point for lies, propaganda, mud-slinging, partisanship, and stupidity about a month ago. Now I'm left wishing I could have a last week of campaign hell like I did four years ago.

Four years ago I spent the week leading up to and the week following the election in Los Angeles. You don't realize how good it is to be in a state where the presidential election is a done deal until you compare the constant chatter and in-your-face advertising between a so-called battleground state and one that is decidedly one-sided.

I like it in a Done Deal State MUCH better. It's quieter.

I really don't want to add to the election noise, but since the purpose of this here blog is to document things for the Toddler, I figured I would make a couple of notes especially for her:

1. No matter what happens, this election is monumental. There will be either an African American President or a female Vice President. This. is. huge. However, I hope that you never understand why. Your generation can be the first to judge people without looking at their skin or judging them based on gender.

2. I hope that in your lifetime you will see an election that is not based on partisan priorities. I don't know if the right answer is a third political party, the end of the current ones, or an independent breaking through. It doesn't matter how it happens, we need someone to figure out a way to run a campaign based on right and wrong, and not special interests and not according to party lines. Neither the left nor the right is correct 100% of the time.

3. I hope that you see the day when there is no need to remind people to vote, and when people make the effort to be educated on the issues without constant prodding. Voting is one of the most important things you can do and it should always be taken seriously. It is a right.

4. I sincerely hope you live in a time when the media doesn't manage to stretch an election out for well over a year. Six weeks would be plenty of time to cover all the angles. Trust me on that one, Alexis.

5. It'll never happen, but maybe your generation should be the ones to institute a strict No Tolerance Policy on lies and slander. I propose you take away 5000 votes each time a candidate makes something up or speaks negatively of the other people in the election. If you did that in this year, both candidates would be -4,000,000,000 votes by now, but maybe that would teach them a valuable lesson.

One last note for you, Miss Alexis. If you ever wink during a job interview? I'm so firing you as my kid. That? Is not how you shatter the glass ceiling.

Just sayin'.

One. more. week.