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Fear of a Four-Letter Word

Every Saturday morning should start as fabulous as ours did today. I mean, how much better does it get than to have a wide awake Toddler wander into your room at 5:30 asking for a drink of water? Not only that, but we had the extra-special pleasure of having that Toddler crawl into our bed and a few moments later say, "Momma, my mouf." I know that doesn't sound all that exciting, but that was Toddlerese for "Dude, I'm gonna blow chunks all over you and your bed any second now and *BLAAAAARGH*."

Good times.

Bedding was changed, puke was cleaned off people via the use of the patented Whore Bath (a wash cloth and water), pajamas were changed, etc. As exciting and fabulous as that all is, that was not the highlight of the day.

The re-entry of the word "puke" to Alexis' vocabulary fit that bill quite nicely, thank you very much.

All day long, she of no fever or signs of illness was all about saying things like, "Momma, I don't wanna puke" and "Momma, I need to puke" and "I pukey." Each and every one of the 13,528 times she mentioned puke I was absolutely convinced that she was about to yack all over the back seat of the car, my lap, or wherever she was sitting. Each and every time it was a false alarm, but how do you NOT take that kind of threat seriously?

It was a lot like wandering through a Saturday with a gun to your head. A weeeeee bit stressful, to say the least.

BTW, if you stare at a kid long enough, you will be able to convince yourself that he or she is looking a little green. And if said kid develops a case of the hiccups while you are waiting for chunks? You will age 10 years instantly.

Just sayin'.

BTW, I think her little stomach just freaked out because she ate a funnel cake, French fries, and a piece of chocolate Friday night. That's more crap food than the alien who prefers Lima beans to Snickers bars usually eats in an entire week.


Enjoying the Moment . . .

. . . before she decides she should charge us to help with around-the-house chores.


I Wonder if the Zoo Has Any Cages I Could Borrow

Someone has a very severe case of The I Can't Sleeps.

That someone has been chased back to bed four times in two hours.

That same someone was JUST trying to convince me that she's hungry, despite the fact that I personally witnessed her eating more Thai food than I did a short four hours ago.

This is the someone who was SO unbelievably sweet and well-behaved this evening as the two of us went for a walk and dined at an almost fancy restaurant that I actually wondered to myself why I had ever checked the phonebook to see if there was a listing for "Traveling Gypsies Who Will Take Your Kid."

Someone is going to be very hard to wake in the morning.

Um, that would be me. After I manage to wake up enough to drag the kid's butt out of bed? Someone is getting sent to join the circus.

What circus doesn't need someone to stop and, uh, taste the flowers?