Look For The Shadows

The woman with the disheveled blond hair shuffled her phone from one ear to the other, carefully balancing an arm filled with found treasures. Was she in line? Was she still shopping? I wasn't sure until her words cut through the store.

"I'm at Marshall's. They have tons of cords," she said.

I couldn't hear the other end of the conversation, but it became clear quickly that someone needs a new iPhone cord. The woman wasn't sure which one to buy. As she asked questions to try to solve the mystery, she grew increasingly frustrated. Finally, she said, "Fine. Then I guess I just won't worry about it."

She sounded defeated. Sad, even. I can't pretend to know everything, but I'm relatively certain she was trying very hard to help, but her help wasn't appreciated. She seemed depressed and broken about the situation, but also not surprised.

As she hung up the phone, she turned to me. "Enjoy it," she said. "Enjoy every second. I would give anything to go back to the baby years."

I hear that often. I'm not sure why exactly, but it seems that if I'm in public with just the youngest of the two girls, there is a some sort of sign over my head that says, "TALK TO ME! TELL ME TO APPRECIATE IT ALL!"

This time it was likely triggered by a combination of two things -- the woman's frustration with her own daughter and Mila's behavior. Mila has had an interesting week, and by "interesting" I mean OMG SO TODDLER. At that very moment she was trying to push me away while saying "No no no no" but also throwing herself to the ground wailing "Up up up!" if I tried to put her down. She wants it all, but none of it, and everything in between.

I suppose in the woman's mind, dealing with a tempermental toddler seemed like a cake walk compared to dealing with a tempermental teenager.

And in some ways, it is, but only if you focus on the shadows.

The first few months of motherhood are filled with panic and sleepless nights and general worry about all of the things you're doing wrong. But if you look in the shadows, the part that's left behind once you move on to the next phase, you see the cuddles and snores and smooshiness and bright-eyed wonder.

The toddler years are temper tantrums and unreasonable demands and sleepless nights and did I mention the temper tantrums? HOOBOY. But the shadows? Man, the shadows are filled with things like this.

The elementary school years become less about your child and more about other children. Bullying and teasing, fitting in but being original, homework and is my kid on track academically? and all of the struggles. Lurking behind is independence and amazing conversations and these amazing little people who do big things.

It keeps going. With every age, there are new challenges. But with every age, there are new treasures to find in the shadows.

I wish I had told her. I wish I had told the woman to look at the shadows. Even more so, I wish I had told her that she can see the shadows of now if only she looks for them. They're there, hiding behind that temper tantrum.

Putting Another Grandma Feather In Her Cap

I have known since practically the beginning that Alexis is the sort of kid who senses a bit of peer pressure and folds like a cheap metal chair in a church basement. If her friends are doing it, so is she. Period.

(There's a great example here.)

(I'm still predicting that she'll be passed out on a bathroom floor someday.) (But probably only once because GRANDMA ALEXIS FOLLOWS RULES. Mostly.)

The knowledge that she's weak is why I knew the second I saw them. I walked into Alexis' dance studio, spotted the giant pile of Vera Bradley bags, and I KNEW. Every girl on the dance team has a Vera bag, and it was only a matter of time before Alexis realized she was sitting on the outside of A Thing.

It took three weeks. It took three weeks for Alexis to notice the similar bags and for her to ask questions. "Mom, everybody has those fluffy bags with flowers on them. Why don't I have one, too?" she asked. I didn't bother to pretend I hadn't noticed because Alexis has been using the same bag for her dance shoes since she was four. As in, FOUR YEARS OLD. A TODDLER. I knew she was due for something new and at least Vera doesn't live amongst the giant pile of unicorn poop that can be found in Justice.

So, I explained Vera. I explained that they are quilted bags that are pretty much always obnoxious colors with paisley and flowers and, well, they're grandma bags. Just shoosh, they are most definitely grandma bags. Every grandma I know tosses Vera over her shoulder when she grabs her walker.

And they're expensive. That was a crucial part of my explanation.

Alexis made like Elsa and let it go. "Expensive" is a word that she's heard often, and she understands that it means NOT HAPPENING. SORRY. Sometimes she combats the word by saving up her money to buy the thing herself, but other times she moves on to the next thing.

She had moved on.

That's why it was extra super fun to surprise her with a little trip to the outlet mall where there was a Vera store. First I tortured her by telling her we were only buying her ONE THING OMG STOP ASKING FOR EVERYTHING I SAID ONE THING AT THE END JUST STAAAHP.

Ahem.

We walked all over those outlets with her asking for something at every store and me being all YOU GET ONE THING. ONE. I purposely saved the Vera Bradley store for the very end of the day, which I suppose means I get what I deserve. I could have started there and she would have been happy and quiet while we shopped, but I chose to torture her. She found a way to get even. AT EVERY STORE OMG.

Anyway, when at last she spotted the Vera Bradley store, her sweet little sucker-for-what-everyone-else-is-doing heart leapt from her chest and smiled. Then she proceeded to race all over that store trying desperately to find something she liked.

Because, you know GRANDMA PURSES.

After kindly informing me that she didn't like the ones that had paisley on them (which, THE WHOLE POINT OF VERA), Alexis started to get a little down about the whole thing. But then she saw it. The one. She saw the perfect backpack that wasn't too many crazy colors and didn't have a single bit of paisley on it anywhere. It happened to be 50% off the sale price, which meant I only had to shell out $20 for her to be a follower.

Alexis was so happy.

So very happy.

As we were driving home, she stared longingly at her new dance bag and then felt the need to share something she had noticed.

"Hey, mom. I think you might be right about Vera Bradley being for grandmas. I was the only young person in the whole store. Besides Mila, of course.

...

And YOU. BESIDES YOU.

Not that you're old.

THAT old, anyway."

Let's Do This, Pirates