Instafantastic

She happened to ask on the exact right day, so Alexis has an Instagram account. I had reserved her preferred user name months before without telling her, but then she went and acted all grown-up and responsible and stuff for weeks on end, so I figured I'd hand her something that could blow up in her face.

Spoiler alert: it didn't. In fact, giving Alexis an Instagram account has turned out to be the BEST THING EVER OMG.

The thing about Instagram is that the privacy settings are about as straight-forward as you can get. Plus, it's really very easy for me to control Alexis' universe. I can log in as her at any time since I have the password. She doesn't know the password and the account is linked to one of my email addresses, so there's really no way for shenanigans. I approve all of her followers and she knows she better not follow anyone without a discussion.

In other words, she fully expects me to control what she sees and who can see her.  It's really very age appropriate and I like how it sets our expectations for later.

Even better than the rules I set going in are the things that Alexis has already figured out.

1. Miss Alexis, she of few years on this Earth, has informed me that posting photos to Instagram is not about getting likes. It's about sharing things you like.

It's possible I busted into a celebration dance the first time Alexis told me that.

2. Alexis wanted to follow Taylor Swift, which ... fine. As much as Taylor makes me want to stab myself in the face with a rusty nail, she is very much so "safe." What Alexis didn't want, however, was for Taylor Swift to be able to see what she posts.

Seriously.

Alexis doesn't want to let Taylor into her world.

It made for a great conversation about why Alexis' account is locked and why she can't approve her followers.

3. As for approving followers, Alexis has already figured out that there is no shame in saying no. If someone requests to follow her and it isn't someone she would run to if she was being chased by a bunch of hungry zombies, it's a no. Instantly. She has experienced zero heartburn over saying no, which is generally just a good lesson to learn.

4. It took Alexis exactly one day to ask to unfollow Selena Gomez because "all she posts is selfies." Apparently a selfie here and there is very cool, but a constant stream of them is annoying.

Wisdom. My kid has it.

5. There are all kinds of stupid popularity games that kids play using Instagram. They compete for likes, they post selfies and then say "Fave if you think I'm cute" and all sorts of nonsense. I'm completely aware of it, but I don't think Alexis was until one of her friends from cheer starting posting attention seeking nonsense.

Alexis asked to unfollow her. She said she doesn't want to see people "acting weird" like that.

6. HER COMMENTS ARE AMAZING. I mean, I enjoy seeing what she will post and reading her captions, but her comments on my posts crack me up. For example, I posted a photo of Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints because ZOMG THEY ARE AMAZING. I am not at all ashamed to admit that while I bought them for Alexis, I ended up eating most of the box. The resident tattletale had no problem posting in the comments on Instagram that I was indeed guilty of eating them all.

Why that makes me laugh endlessly, I don't know. It just does.

7. She doesn't know it, but I can use Instagram to figure out how much Alexis isn't sleeping. She seems to check it in the morning and last thing at night, so I can actually see when she is sitting wide awake at midnight liking things.

I seem very omnipresent as of late. It's AMAZING.

8. Best of all, Alexis has already learned that it's a very bad idea to read the comments. She's following the Penguins. Every photo ever posted by the Penguins has a zillion comments, most of which have nothing to do with the photo or are just plain awful. Alexis read through them a few times and found all sorts of "grown up words." Now she will occasionally see me checking Instagram and will advise me, "Mom, don't ever read the comments."

She's a good egg, that kid.

It was a good morning.

A photo posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Nov 11, 2014 at 7:13am PST

I Hate Teeth

Do you see it? Do you see the problem?

A photo posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Nov 11, 2014 at 11:32am PST

TEETH. TEETH ARE THE PROBLEM.

Two of them. At once. And there are more of them on their way.

Everything about teeth is terrible.

Issue the First is that Mila went from being the happiest little creature who was AMAZING to be around to being very yelly overnight. She has all the yells about everything and YELL YELL YELL. Teething oil seems to improve her mood slightly, but it's temporary. She returns to angry and starts yelling at everyone and everything after a brief respite.

(An aside -- the photo above has a story. Mila yelled her way through Target and the grocery store yesterday. She's so hilariously adorable when she is mad that I went to take a picture of her misery as we were leaving one of the stores. The very second she saw my phone, she made THAT face. It's as if she doesn't want there to be evidence that sometimes she is not happy.) (There are totally times that she's not happy. LIKE RIGHT THIS SECOND.)

I don't like Mad Mila. Happy Mila is better.

Issue the Second is that we're going to all suffer together through this whole teeth thing only for them to fall out in a few years. Then the Tooth Fairy is going to pay real cash money just because they fell out. You see teeth - I see dollar signs. You see adorable little bitty new teeth -  I see teeth that will eventually dangle by a thread forcing me to gag for days on end.

A torture device. That's what baby teeth are. First they torture the baby, and then they torture me before falling out.

It's stupid.

Evolution needs to resolve this issue. Nobody needs teeth until they're six or seven anyway, so let's just skip the baby teeth thing. Toddlers will survive just fine on mashed potatoes and pureed green beans. Just think of all of the junk food parents wouldn't have to share if kids couldn't chew fun stuff ...

(BTW, their outfits are from Ruum.com.)

(Oh, and we are off to an amazing start with Christmas Crazy. Keep it coming!)

Gobble Gobble Gobblerito

I'm really struggling with the realization that it isn't July anymore, which is exactly why it seems super weird to be thinking about Thanksgiving. Shouldn't I worry about Halloween first? And Labor Day? Why is it so cold outside?

It doesn't make sense that time can go by so quickly.

In an effort to get my brain to adapt to the calendar, I've been throwing myself at all things seasonal. I let Alexis listen to Christmas music in the car today, you guys. And I survived. (Barely.) I also started baking Christmas cookies (they will hold in the freezer for the next few weeks) and I made up my mind to dine on Thanksgiving day fare early.

Mila was super happy about that idea, by the way. She would like all of the days to include lots of mushy foods like stuffing and mashed potatoes.

I can't say I disagree with her.

I made extras when I made the early Turkey Day fixings because GOBBLERITO! YAHOOOO! I posted this a long time ago, but it's worth bringing up again. All of the Thanksgiving leftovers belong together in a burrito. It's a fact. It says so in the Book of Facts as Written by Mad Mex.

Prepare thyself accordingly.

Gobblerito

Flour tortillas
Turkey or Tofurkey
Stuffing
Mashed potatoes
Gravy
Cranberry Sauce

This is not much of a recipe, but much more of a concoction. A GENIUS concoction, that is.

1. Start by heating up your tortilla.

2. Throw a handful of turkey or tofurkey pieces on top.

3. Stuffing time.

4. Mashed potatoes and gravy, please. (Mad Mex throws some corn in there, too. Personally, I don't think the corn adds anything. GIVE ME MORE MASHED POTATOES, PLEASE.)

5. If you're brave, throw the cranberries in the burrito. If you're not, start folding that burrito and leave the cranberries for the side. Fold up the bottom.

6. Fold over one side and tuck it in all snug next to the good stuff.

7. Fold the other side over.

8. Throw some other food on your plate to make it look like you are fancy and stuff.

9. Wonder why the pilgrims didn't do it that way in the first place. The Gobblerito is a mighty efficient invention that makes Thanksgiving a hands on event.

As it should be.