Things Are Good

There is this thing that is happening that is so completely fantastic to watch. With each passing day, Alexis falls a little more in love with her sister.

I mean, she was smitten with her long before they even met, but now. NOW. OMG. As Mila becomes more and more aware of the world around her, Alexis works to bend that world. Alexis will literally stand on her head to make Mila laugh.

Alexis starts her day checking on Mila.

She ends her day checking on Mila.

Everything in between revolves around Mila.

Part of Alexis' day involves getting her sister dressed in the morning. She does it voluntarily. It is a HUGE help because it saves me 10 minutes at a time of day when minutes are at a premium. Alexis changes her diaper, picks out her clothes, and delivers a fresh and fully dressed baby to me.

Except for that one time.

There was one morning when Mila was in A Mood. She was fully immersed in Mila Monster Mode, which is to say nothing made her happy. She just wanted to yell and scream and carry on. I told Alexis I would get Mila dressed since there is no reasoning with the Mila Monster, but Alexis just couldn't let it go. She insisted she could handle it, so I let her be.

It took about three minutes for both girls to be in tears.

Alexis sobbed as she asked for help, the words, "She hates me," blubbering out of her mouth. I talked some reason into her, but the damage was done. Alexis was all sorts of wrapped up in a very bad day. She was convinced it was her fault Mila was crying no matter what I told her.

I dressed the Monster and ushered Alexis to the door. It was time for her to catch her bus. With Mila in my arms, we all said goodbye at the door. Mila was still carrying on, but slowly working her way to more reasonable.

Until Alexis walked through the door.

Mila erupted in tears.

Alexis put on her Worried Sister Hat and came running back up the sidewalk. "Oh, Mila," she said. "It's OK. I will be back later," she continued. Alexis leaned over and gave Mila a kiss on the cheek and just like that.

Snap.

Mila smiled.

She flung her little Kermit arms around excitedly.

Then she smiled some more.

And that was that. The very bad morning was forgotten and everybody was happy again.

Confident is Beautiful

If I had it to do all over again, Mila would have a different middle name. Her middle name should be "Delay" because that's what she causes. She delays my ability to get all sorts of things done. She's a wonderful, fantastic magical little delay.

That's why I haven't accepted many photo shoots lately. As much as I love photographing people, I know that there will be a delay in getting the finished images back to clients. I have to be picky for the sake of everyone involved.

I've been doing an amazing job picking who to work with the past few months. I know that because I've been incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with some amazing people.

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Something was off. I knew what it was, so after a few minutes, I finally spoke up.

"Would you like to try a few photos without your sunglasses?" I asked.

I was standing atop a hill in the middle of Nowheresville, PA at the intersection of A Family Filled With Love and Time Is A Cruel Monster. Five generations were posed in front of me, a conscious nod to the fact that soon there would be but four. One woman was nearing the end of her journey on earth and preparing to start another. She was a daughter, a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother. But not for much longer. At least not in that body.

I could see it. I could see the weight of the knowledge that her journey was ending. It was in the way she held her hands, the way she kept her chin tucked, and it was especially evident in the way she was hiding behind a pair of dark sunglasses.

I had caught a glimpse, so I knew the sunglasses were hiding more than the knowledge that time was slipping away. The treatments that were gifting her a few additional days were charging a price. That price was two healthy eyes. Her right eye was completely swollen shut.

Oh, I can't do that," she replied to my request. She pulled the sunglasses down so she could show me her reason. She tried to explain that the sunglasses were important to her, but I'm not very good at respecting my elders. I interrupted.

"I think you should try a few shots without the sunglasses. Just because," I urged.

She continued to decline.

"You know," I countered, "I can work some magic in Photoshop and fix it. It will take me a while, but I can do it."

She thought for a second, but it was a very short second. Worry and apprehension melted from her face. She took off the sunglasses, smiled with every inch of her gorgeous face, and said, "OK!"

In that moment, she was a different person. Worry and apprehension and the weight of knowing fell away and she was free to be that person she wanted to be. In her mind, she saw the image of herself that she wanted to see, the healthier version.

But.

But it made me think about how I behave when I'm on the other side of the camera. Seeing that even with the imperfect eye she was so incredibly beautiful when she let go and just smiled made me think about how self-conscious I sometimes am with photos.

Perhaps we all need to smile as if Photoshop is going to fix whatever it is that bothers us. It's when we let go and show our true selves that we are most beautiful.

This Is The Start Of Something Awful

I have literally spent a lifetime teaching Alexis that the best way to get what you want is to work hard and be nice to the people who can help you. While it has been a short lifetime (her 8 years, to be exact), it's something that comes up over and over again.

She hears me.

Clearly.

It started about a month ago. I don't know what triggered the thought in her mind, but suddenly Alexis decided she wanted an Elf on the Shelf. I personally rank the tattletale elf about as highly as I rank Dora, which is to say NO THANKS. I would rather punch myself in the face than deal with moving an elf all over the house.

It's possible that I get carried away with things like that, in case you hadn't noticed. I know for a fact that if I am put in charge of an elf's well-being, it's going to turn into a competition. I'm going to have to do everything Bigger! Better! More creatively! than is absolutely necessary. It would become a full-time job as I tried to figure out clever ways to maneuver the stupid thing.

So ... no. No elf. Period. There are too many humans depending on me to be a responsible adult right now. I can't take on any new tasks.

Alexis heard my "no" and pondered how to deal with it.

She chose hard work and kindness.

In the past month, the kid has cleaned her room without being asked (although, I did shame her on Instagram for the disaster zone that is her room). She has also done the dishes, cleaned the living room, washed the windows she can reach, put away Mila's laundry, cooked dinner, gotten her sister dressed nearly every day, and generally been the most helpful 8 year-old you've ever seen. She has used nice words, a polite tone, and ... well, she has been an absolute dream come true. If you've ever thought to yourself, "Wow, I wish my kid would act like this all of the time," THAT. THAT IS HOW SHE HAS BEEN ACTING. 24/7. 

She has been absolutely amazing in the most fantastic way possible.

I can't fight against nice. I don't possess the armour necessary to fend off that beast.

There have been times in the past 8 years when I've wondered if I'm doing an Alexis a disservice by stressing that the best way to get what you want is to work hard and be nice. The reality of the matter is that in the business world, nice doesn't always cut it. Should Alexis decide to pursue a career in any number of fields, being nice will actually put her at a disadvantage, unless she learns to use "nice" as a way to advance her agenda.

I'm going to go ahead and bet that she's got that all figured out.