The Sounds of Life

After months and months of not having the world under control enough to do it, we finally hosted a get-together for friends over the weekend. It wasn't a big to-do or anything, just some of my favorite people gathered together for a few hours.

There was a point in the day when I was upstairs feeding Mila. We were far away from the action because she needs a little quiet to maintain focus. Which, THAT has been an interesting addition to my life. Sometimes I wonder if she was sent to remind me to stop and enjoy the small moments just a little bit more because life's pace undoubtedly has been altered since she joined the party. As I sat there holding her, a steady stream of voices drifted upward and through the window to my ears. I listened to the noise, fully realizing it was the sound of joy.

For a very brief moment, I considered what I was missing. Not much, really, because I have a Mila to hold, but there was another brand of happiness happening on the patio below. The kids were swimming, the adults were chatting ... everything about it was good.

Then laughter cut through the cacophony and sweetened the air even more. Cheerful, bright laughter drowned out the talk. Alexis' laugh was intertwined with the laughter of other kids, creating a joyful chorus. It made me realize I was in the exact right place because I was able to stop and just enjoy that sound for a moment.

As if realizing the importance of moments like that one, Mila looked up at me and grinned.

It was just ten seconds of laughter, but it's the little things that matter the most.

The Big(ger) Kid

If we're being completely honest, there is one kid who is getting the short end of the stick around these parts lately. Mila requires most of my attention and a good chunk of my patience, so Alexis is left with a lesser version of me. It's the version that says, "That's nice" a lot without looking to see the magnificent drawing thrust forward. It's the version that has forgotten how to cook. It's the version that expects a whole lot, but doesn't give much of anything. And Alexis is loving it.

Somehow, someway, I have managed to turn neglect into a parenting style that works for The Big Kid.

I can't seem to manage to feed three people during the day, so I focus on feeding the Tiny Human. Alexis feeds herself and sometimes she feeds me. So far the kid has gone from only knowing how to use the microwave to being able to cook macaroni-n-cheese, spaghetti, ramen, and a whole host of other pasta-based dishes. Today she mastered the art of the scrambled egg.

Teach a kid to scramble an egg and she will eat for years. Offer to scramble the egg for her and she will die of starvation waiting.

Laundry is a whole other issue. I haven't done laundry in years, but I do tend to gather the dirty clothes. Alexis piles her dirty clothes all over her bedroom floor, right alongside her clean clothes. Apparently she knows which things are clean vs dirty because when I ask, she is able to point me in the right direction. When I stopped asking, a miraculous thing happened -- Alexis eventually took all of her dirty laundry down to the washing machine and ran a load. By herself. Without being asked. She even did it before she ran out of clean underwear.

Between the ramen skills and the laundry washing, I do hereby declare the kid ready for college.

Other "skills" the kid has mastered include being allowed to pick up her sister (she isn't allowed to walk while holding Mila -- yet), changing diapers, and fetching pacifiers. In other words, I have started outsourcing some of my responsibilities. By the time Mila is a toddler, I'll be sitting on the couch eating bonbons all day.

Alexis thinks the whole "more responsibilities" thing is the bestest.

Mila and I agree.

I'm Kind Of Obsessed With Sleep At This Point

I stood in the middle of the bookstore. Tiny Alexis was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and watched as I deliriously looked for answers. I was that sort of tired that comes after exhausted -- the kind that leaves you dizzy and disjointed as your brain wanders outside of your body.

I picked up a book, I'm not sure the name of it, but it promised a better night's sleep. Alexis was maybe eight months old at the time, so it had been well over a year since I had enjoyed a decent night of sleep. I was something worse than desperate for answers.

As I turned the pages, words jumped out of the book and punched me in the gut. "If your baby is six months old and still not sleeping through the night, it's your fault." That may not be what it actually said, but it's what I saw. I scoured for answers and considered the suggestions the author offered.

"Make sure you have a before bed routine."

We did. Each night was exactly the same. I would feed Alexis, read her a book or two while rocking in the chair in her room, and then put her down in her crib. Each night started just like that, but then quickly devolved to her screaming and demanding to be picked back up.

"Make sure it's dark."

Done. Black out curtains and blinds had turned Alexis' room into a beautiful sleep cave.

"Swaddle the baby."

Tried it. Alexis hated it with the fire of 10,000 suns. Still, I continued to try every few nights. It was our first time riding in the parenting rodeo and EVERYONE said swaddling was a must, so clearly it was our fault that it didn't work. I had to try again. Just in case.

"Let the baby cry it out, or try checking in and then leaving."

I spent weeks attempting to follow various theories of cry it out, but yet things never seemed to improve.

We were doing everything right. Yet, Alexis didn't sleep.

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This time around I was a little bit wiser, somewhat more seasoned, and definitely jaded. I was so jaded that just walking past those books is enough to turn me into fire-breathing dragon. SCREW YOU AND YOUR ADVICE, SEARS AND FERBER AND ALL OF YOU QUACKS.

In the five weeks since Mila came into this world and made it a better place, I have done EVERYTHING wrong when it comes to sleep. Routine? Pshaw. Swaddle? Sometimes. Dark? Hardly. Cry it out? There will be no crying because here, just lay down with me for a bit. Got some more rules? Because I will happily break them.

Mila has rewarded me by being The BEST Sleeper Ever. It may very well all come crashing to a halt tomorrow, but it won't matter because she started life sleeping through the night. Put her in her crib somewhere between 9:00 and midnight and she will summon someone for food in 5-7 hours. She will quickly down a meal and then go back to sleep for another 5 hours.

It's like magic.

And proves what I've suspected for a long time -- the so-called "sleep experts" are liars who prey on exhausted new parents by making promises of a better life in exchange for a few dollars. In reality, it's like a roll of the dice. Either you get a good sleeper or you don't. You just have to go with it.