Those Scars Run Deep

There are some conversations you can only have with certain people. It's the people who you know have been there, so they get it. They won't judge and they don't think you're crazy because they get it. All too well.

But then sometimes you have those conversations and then get an email and run into a random blog post and see a twitter update that makes you realize that sometimes people don't have those "certain people." They think they're alone, even though they certainly aren't.

And then you see people who don't get it saying things like "it's attention seeking" or "crazier than a loon" or "creating drama" or whatever and ... enough. ENOUGH.

Miscarriages break people.

Infertility breaks people.

And those scars run deep.

If you received that email from Shutterfly last week with the "Congrats on your new addition" message and wanted to throw your computer out the window but were too busy recovering from the gut punch, you weren't alone. It doesn't matter that your brain knew it was an error and that thousands of people got the same email -- it was still all sorts of suck for a brief moment.

And, hey, if you happened to be 38 weeks pregnant when you opened that email and still felt the brief gut punch? I get you.

Those scars run deep. They don't magically disappear when the situation changes, even when you feel like the luckiest person in the world because the situation changed.

If you refuse to wash tiny little clothes and sheets and such because you don't want to jinx things, I get you. So do a lot of other people. I have a whole folder of emails from people who have admitted as much. They told me about it privately because apparently it's not OK for us to admit that we're broken out loud.

We are so grateful, but so leery. Those scars run deep.

If you can't handle reading blog post after blog post or tweet after tweet about every tiny pregnancy symptom because it puts your brain in a bad place, I get you. Heck, I can't even write those blog posts or tweets because my own words can put me in that bad place.

Am I broken? Yes. Am I alone? Nope. I know there are many other people who feel the same way.

Those scars run deep.

If you refuse to think past tomorrow because you don't want to think too much about how joy might just explode into your life in the next few days/weeks/months, I get you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is live for the now. It's safer there because those scars run deep.

Finally, if life hasn't handed you a reason to understand how having the situation change doesn't quite heal those wounds, I really hope that at some point you learn firsthand. Everyone who bears those scars should get a chance to look in the mirror and declare yourself crazy.

Just know that you won't ever be alone in your crazy.

How Alexis Got Her Groove Back

It has been a minute or two since it started, but Alexis consistently asked to quit dance several times over the span of a few weeks. She wanted to finish out the year and everything, but no more after that.

Which, whatever. If she wants to quit, fine. But, it seemed shady, so I asked questions.

After a bit of discussion, it came out that the reason she wanted to quit dance was so that she could "focus on cheerleading."

<insert the DJ scratching a record here>

THAT was an entirely different situation. I figured it wasn't worth any sort of debate at the moment, though. Instead, I signed the kid up for a couple of fall dance classes and went about my business. If she decided to stick with her decision to quit, I could cancel the registrations. If not, I had things lined up anyway. Either way, I was covered.

Fast forward to her recital.

First there was the awesome hair.

It made for a very happy Alexis.

Then there was the fan club. I wasn't sure if I would be able to make the recital or not, so a couple of friends were awesome enough to offer to go. They went even though I was there and it TOTALLY made Alexis' day. She thinks highly of our chosen people, and she was truly over the moon that they drove from hours away to watch her shake her booty. Alexis spotted her fan club during her second performance and the look on her face was AMAZING.

She was a very happy Alexis.

But then there was also something that I can't name. I don't know what it was. It could be one thing or a combination of many things, I just don't know. Maybe it was the joy of performing? The magic of being on stage? The reward of being able to show a huge audience what you've accomplished? Truly, I'm not sure.

What I am sure about is that after the show, I went backstage to pick up Alexis. Not ten seconds later, she started asking questions.

"Is that a competitive dance team that did that one routine?"

"How old do you have to be to be on the competitive team?"

"Can you sign me up for the competitive team AND for jazz AND for hip hop next year?"

We'll see what she thinks once the summer has gone by, but as it stands right now, Alexis got her groove back. She's ALL in on dance again, to the point that she has been watching her prior recital DVDs on repeat, practicing routines in the family room for hours on end, and talking nonstop about how fun it all is.

Welcome back, Tiny Dancer.

Struck by BloomStruck™ (and a $100 Visa Gift Card)!

If you are a perennial, shrub, or tree in my yard, it was a ROUGH winter. While it's normal for me to have one or two fatalities to the cold, this year I had... more than one or two.

The deer completely destroyed four of my tall evergreen shrubs.

I lost nearly half of my boxwoods to relentless cold. We're talking about over 25 formerly happy little guys that lined our entire front landscaping. They are now deader than dead. Several others are badly damaged from the cold.

My two dozen rose bushes survived, I think, but they are going to need to be pruned to the ground because only the roots survived.

My hydrangeas, though. THEY'RE BACK! Or at least they survived. It looks like the old growth was lost to the harshness of this winter's endless cold, but they are popping up from the ground, so they will recover. The bad news is that all of my hydrangeas (and there are a lot -- about 10) are the type that bloom on old growth. So, no flowers this year, but next year should be spectacular.

Except, thanks to BlogHer and Endless Summer®, I have a new addition to my hydrangea family.

 

That is my new friend BloomStruck™. It's from the Endless Summer® Collection and it blooms all summer long. It also blooms on both old and new growth, so starting this year, I shouldn't ever have a summer without hydrangeas again.

That, by the way, is a big deal to me. Hydrangeas are my absolute favorite of all flowers. Period. They have no competition. I love them most of all because all flowering things in the purple to blue to pink range are fantastic. I also love them because of their giant flower heads, because I'm fascinated by being able to change the color of the blooms by adding acid to the soil, and because I just plain love classic flowers.

(Kiara loves them, too.)

BloomStruck™ is earning my love in new ways. It has red stems, which I'm totally dorking out over. They're so pretty! The blooms are huge and multi-colored, so knowing that I will be able to enjoy them all summer long is making me a very happy camper.

I can't wait to add it to Hydrangea Row by our pond. 

I'm pretty sure heaven is a little fairy hidden amongst a field of hydrangeas that surround a cute little pond.

Thanks to BloomStruck™ and BlogHer, I get to celebrate the introduction of BloomStruck™ by giving one of you a $100 Visa Gift Card. Just leave a comment telling me the flower you are most looking forward to enjoying this summer and you will be entered to win. (Me? I'm already enjoying my new BloomStruck™ hydrangea! HOORAY!)

Sweepstakes Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 72 hours to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 05/19/2014-06/26/2014.

Be sure to visit the Endless Summer brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ posts!