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Tuesday
May062014

Children Are Meant To Be Seen, Not Heard

It doesn't matter that she's been gone longer than she was a part of my life, when Mothers Day rolls around, I still think of her. My mom. She travelled a different path than I do. That's not to say she travelled a wrong path, per se, but she did travel a path I wouldn't choose.

At the end of the day, though, she did the best she could with what she was given. She just wasn't given the tools needed to deal with most of what life threw her way.

And sometimes she used the tools that she did have in a way that don't make sense to me now that I have the perspective of being a parent.

"Children are meant to be seen, not heard." It was something she said often. I suppose it was a fitting thing to say when faced with a kid who never shut up, which I'm sure I was. I knew EVERYTHING when I was little. The funny thing is the more you learn, the more you realize you know nothing. Right about now I think I'm a total idiot. But back when I was Alexis' age? EVERYTHING. I knew it. I'm sure I talked everyone's face off as I proved that point to them.

So, my mom would shut me up by saying, "Children are meant to be seen, not heard."

The words haunt me. Still. They have always made me feel like whatever it is that I have to say, it's not worth hearing.

********************************************************************************

As Alexis and I walked out the door, she spotted the little girl across the street. The little girl is perhaps 2 or 3, and Alexis adores her. The feeling is obviously very much so mutual because as soon as she spotted us, she yelled "ALESHUS!" and started running across the street to greet us.

She had a head start on her mom, so Alexis snagged her halfway across the road and began leading her back to her house. I walked behind them because if the weather is going to be beautiful, I'm going to say hi to the neighbor. As we walked over, Alexis and the little girl chatted. There is exactly one topic at the top of Alexis' mind these days, so she brought it up.

"Three weeks!" she said.

One thing led to another and just as we stood face-to-face with the little girl's mom, the girl asked the question. As in, THE question.

"How did the baby get in your mommy's tummy?" she asked.

I looked at her mom, felt terrible, and instantly plotted an escape. I ain't taking a question that isn't meant for me, yo. I reached over to grab Alexis' hand so we could make our escape when Alexis decided to answer the question.

I cringed.

"She ate it," Alexis replied.

Children are meant to be seen, not heard.

But then Alexis put her hand to the side of her mouth and loudly stage whispered to me, "Don't worry. I know how it REALLY got there."

"Oh, really," I mouthed back.

Alexis looked from adult-to-adult and replied, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sperm. Egg. You know the deal." Then she turned on her heel and marched away as the neighbor and I stood laughing.

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Looking at cute kids is great and all, but listening to the words they use to describe their world is even better.

"Children are meant to be seen, not heard."

They might just be the dumbest words I've ever heard.

Monday
May052014

Let's Start Guessing

I'm extremely fortunate to be surrounded by smart people, even if some of those smart people are incredibly bossy. It has been a few months since a friend first proposed this idea. He has since harassed me about it so many times that I'm sitting here crying MERCY and doing what I'm told.

It's a good thing. Trust me.

Soooo ... I've mentioned it indirectly or directly on this here blog exactly 11 times since I've known, but maybe you missed it because there were 213 posts that appeared here that didn't mention it within that same time frame. Apparently there is a Tiny Human on the way? Or something? Possibly soon?

Anybody want to guess how soon? What about for a chance to win a $100 Amazon gift card? And with a charity twist?

Yes. Let's do that.

If you've been around for a while, you know how I feel about helping out Center for Victims. You all have done an amazing job of setting them up with magic for their kids in time for back to school and at Christmas, so let's help them again with some random internet love. This time we're sending cash so that they can infuse one of their programs that benefit children in whatever way they see fit. They do a lot of things in our community, from providing shelter to victims of domestic violence to providing counseling services following incidents of mass violence (and everything in between). Funding is never where it should be, so every little bit helps them provide a little sunshine on a dark day.

To make that sunshine, I'm asking that you throw some money in the pot. This pot.

Any amount is fine, but for every $5 you throw in there, you get to guess an arrival date and time for the Tiny Human. That means if you throw in $20, you get four guesses. No limits and we're following Price is Right rules. Whoever is the closest without going over will win a $100 Amazon gift card (provided by me -- there are no sponsors in this little game).

When you make your donation, it will ask for your guess. Make sure you enter it there on the PayPal page. Then, come back here and enter it in the comments.

Here's what I know that might influence your guess.


- Due date: May 26th


- Most recent doctor's appointment was today (May 5th) and NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. In the words of my ob/gyn, that "baby is sky high."

- There is no plan at the moment, which means technically the plan is VBAC. I won't schedule a c-section unless I have data and facts and such that cause me to do so (Alexis was a c-section because an ultrasound the day she was born said she was a giant. Which she was.).

- Alexis was late--five days late, to be exact. She was also forcibly evicted and had absolutely no signs of even thinking about making her appearance at the time. Seriously, she would still be there if she had been given the choice.

- Before you all go and pick a late date, there's a monkey wrench in this whole thing. If you add up high blood pressure (top number ranging from 140 - 157 for the past seven weeks), dizziness, nausea/vomiting even this late in the game, significant swelling (to the point of dimpling) in the feet and hands, rapid weight gain, and rarely needing to go to the bathroom, you get a not-so-fun game I've been calling Preeclampsia Bingo. Things seem to have taken a turn towards MUCH better in the past week, but it's not like anybody has done anything to make that happen. It just is. It could take a sudden turn for the worse and impact that arrival date, or I might never fill out the Bingo card. NOBODY KNOWS. WEEEE!

- Alexis' dance recital is May 17th. Karma either wants me to sit for three hours being giant and miserable or it wants Alexis to have a very serious case of The Sads because I'm not there. Place your bets according to what you think Karma has in mind.

- I want late. Like, I'd be cool with a week late. (I know. I'm insane. I have my reasons, though.)

- My gut says I DON'T KNOW. I really don't have any sort of inkling what will happen. In all honesty, I haven't given it much thought other than "Nope. Not now. I have things to do."

(Feel free to ask questions in comments. I'll reply publicly when I get a chance.)

So. That's what I know.

It's time to get guessing, yo. Just click the little Donate button, pick your amount, and type in your date/time guess(es). Each $5 you donate gets you one guess. If you donate more than $5, feel free to enter all of your guesses in in one PayPal transaction or you can make each guess separately. Once you're done with PayPal, come back here and leave a comment with your guess(es). Whoever comes the closest without going over wins a $100 Amazon gift card.

Good luck!

 

Sunday
May042014

Grilled Asparagus and Fontina Sandwich

We've already established that she's on her own path, so it shouldn't be all that surprising that when asked, "What should we have for dinner?" Alexis responded with, "Something with asparagus."

There are a lot of asparagus choices at our house, but most of them involve grilling. Because of course they do. Asparagus thrown on the grill is a thing of beauty.

All you have to do is rinse the asparagus, trim off the bottom, and toss it on the grill with low heat. A few minutes later, you have perfect grilled asparagus.

You know what you can do to make it better?

Bread. And cheese.

There's perfect thick-sliced Italian bread there topped with some Fontina, Gouda, or American -- A little something different for everybody. Alexis is finally starting to appreciate the majesty that is cheese, but she's stuck at the entry level American thing. The wiser adults can't quit Gouda. But, YOU GUYS. Fontina. Man, Fontina is where it's at when it comes to melty perfection.

Throw it all together and you get something that seems a little ... boring.

But if you cut into that "boring" sandwich, you find a thing of beauty.

Now THAT is a Grilled Cheese sandwich!

While Alexis sticks with the super safe American, she loves that sandwich enough to get the neighbor kids to try it. That leads to me getting texts about how a kid who had never tried asparagus before is now asking for it for dinner.

Win.

Grilled Asparagus and Fontina Sandwich

1 bunch asparagus (thinner is better)
Mayonnaise
Italian bread, sliced to 1/2" thick or thicker
Fontina cheese (obviously, other cheeses work, but Fontina is THE BEST)

1. Turn the grill on and set it to low.

2. Spread a thin layer of mayo on one side of each of your pieces of bread. Yes, I said mayo. Have you ever used it instead of butter when making a grilled cheese? If not, you should. It makes for a better crispy crusty-type thing.

3. Put the bread mayo side down on the grill. Place the cheese on top. I used thin slices of cheese, but shredding it would work better if you happen to be more motivated than I am.

4. While the cheese is melting and the bread is toasting, throw the asparagus on the grill. Turn it a couple of times and remove it from the heat as soon as you think it's done enough. I like it a little firm, but it's really up to you.

5. Toss the asparagus (cut it in half, if necessary) on top of the cheese then finish assembling your sandwiches.

6. Be happy. Be very, very happy. You've earned it.