Harder to Breathe

The universe has a FANTASTIC sense of humor. Or something.

I've come to terms with the fact that "If" isn't going to happen.  It's just not going to enter my vocabulary because the brain doesn't allow in that which isn't possible. I'm going to keep on living along the River Denial right up until the moment when I'm staring at tiny person sleeping somewhere in this house. ("Somewhere" because the crib will be staying in storage until it grows legs and finds its own way upstairs. Helping it would be like  ... believing or something.)

While I'm camped out along the River Denial, I'll be holding my breath.

Literally.

Because HAHAHAHAHAHA, UNIVERSE. YOU SO FUNNY.

Of all the random pregnancy symptoms to get, I drew the "sinus problems" card. Rhinitis. (Side note: follow that link for some hilarity in the form of gender roles and general stupidity.)

About three months ago, I had this exact conversation with my doctor.

"Do you have any concerns?" he asked.

"Um... yeah. I can't breathe." I replied.

"That's normal," Captain Obvious said.

"Um, no. I mean I *really* can't breathe," I said.

"Let me take a look," he answered then followed with, "Wow. You can't breathe."

THAT'S WHAT I SAID, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. I didn't say that part, but I thought it. I had already gone a month without being able to breathe through my nose at all, so I was really ready for some sort of fantastic advice. Instead, I was told, "I've never seen it quite that bad."

My doctor is no spring chicken, so that's an accomplishment right there. I believe my trophy is in the mail. And by "trophy" I mean the bill for all the things I've tried that haven't worked to make it better.

Anyway, my sinuses have been totally and completely swollen shut for months. It's every bit as fantastic as it sounds and makes me feel absolutely horrible for people who deal with allergies that cause this sort of thing all of the time. Nothing may be working to fix it for me now, but I have a cure on the way. Living with that all of the time? I can't even imagine. It can be downright scary when you have a dream that someone is smothering you with a pillow and then wake up and finally realize you really can't breathe because your 8-year old has her arm across your mouth and what? It's not like that happened.

OK. It did.

So, I get it, Universe. I should be holding my breath. I'll keep right on doing that.

A Change in Perspective

This was the weekend full of spinning and dropping and silliness. For Alexis, that is. It was my weekend for bench-warming and watching from afar.

We visited Cleveland with friends just so we could do the indoor amusement park thing.

Alexis took the mission VERY seriously.

She's tall enough now for nearly every ride. She's also at the just right age to treat rides with reckless abandon. Fearless and unquestioning, she jumped on everything. Twice. No thoughts about safety or maintenance or WHAT IF THE CHAIN BREAKS. She just rides.

That. THAT was the moment when I realized it. When Alexis was high above me, spinning in a circle on a giant swing, she let go of the chains and put her hands straight up in the air. THAT was the moment when I realized how very differently everything looks from the sidelines.

There is no denying that she's a big kid now.

There is no denying that she knows how to have fun.

There is no denying that she has entered the fearless phase.

Someday she is going to be sitting on a bench watching her own kid throw his or her hands up in the air while flying through the sky and her breath is going to catch. When she calls to tell me about it, I'm going to remember. Vividly.

The view is very different from here.

Mac-n-Cheese with Chicken and Broccoli (Vegetarian Style)

Recently I've started to see some vegetarian products in Pittsburgh grocery stores that have been readily available in other states for a while, but definitely not here. There are way more Quorn products around these days, for example.

Quorn isn't soy, so it's a nice change from the usual Morningstar and Boca products. It has a totally different texture that I happen to find better for "subbing ingredients" in traditionally meat-centric meals. It's a processed food, so I wouldn't cook with it every day, but it makes for a nice change of pace.

And HOOBOY does it work well with mac-n-cheese and broccoli. These are the things you discover when you desperately need to run to the grocery store but are too lazy to do so. I needed to make the mac-n-cheese a little more of a complete meal, and the Quorn Chick'n Tenders tucked at the back of the freezer called my name.

And then this little "thrown together" meal turned into a regular thing. Because YES, PLEASE.

Obviously, you can sub in real chicken if you so desire. It's all the same to me.

Mac-n-Cheese with Chick'n and Broccoli

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 package Quorn Chick'n Tenders (or 1 pound regular chunked chicken, if that's your sort of thing)
2 cups chopped broccoli (I used frozen because people who need to go to the grocery store don't have fresh veggies in their fridge)
8 ounces uncooked macaroni
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 tablespoon corn starch
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup milk
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded Colby Jack cheese
Salt and pepper to taste

1. You're going to need a large nonstick skillet and a medium saucepan for this. Prepare thyself.

2. Cook the macaroni according to the instructions on the box using the medium saucepan.

3. While the macaroni is cooking, toss the olive oil and Quorn Chick'n in the skillet. Cook over medium heat for about 4 minutes, stirring occasionally so that the Chick'n browns evenly.

4. Toss the broccoli in with the Chick'n. Keep tossing it. Once the Chick'n is lightly browned all around, reduce the heat to low and go back to paying attention to the macaroni.

5. Drain the macaroni and toss it in the skillet with the Chick'n. Stir it up so it doesn't turn into a glob of pasta.

6. Use the saucepan that you just cleared of macaroni to make your cheese sauce. The heat should be set to medium. Toss the butter into the pan.

7. Once the butter is melted, add the cornstarch. Use a whisk to mix it all up.

9. Add the heavy cream. Whisk action, go!

10. Add the milk and get busy with that whisk some more.

11. Gradually add the cheese, whisking constantly the whole time. You'll end up with a cheese sauce once all the cheese has been added.

12. Pour the cheese sauce over the macaroni, stir everything up, and add salt and pepper to taste. Way easy, right? Right!