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Butimjust is About to Get Her Ass Kicked

There's no point in lying about it--I am easily annoyed. I'm sure this is a shocking fact, almost as shocking as Ricky Martin peaking out of that closet that everybody thought was open for years and years and years. Things like somebody clipping their toenails in public or people who cause gridlock or incessant beeping noises that I can't seem to find and smash with a sledgehammer, they all annoy me. A lot.

But not as much as the Monster I like to call Ms. Butimjust.

Ms. Butimjust has been known to invade Alexis' body. I imagine she looks a lot like the little alien in Men in Black who lived in the guy's school and drove his body around like a used car. Ms. Butimjust controls Alexis' mouth, making it impossible for her to start a sentence with any words other than, "But I'm just . . ."

"Alexis, please sit down and finish your dinner," I'll say.

"But I'm just . . . " Alexis will reply. I don't even hear the excuse because the minute Ms. Butimjust makes an appearance, I start looking for the phone number to call in a priest to do an exorcism.

"Alexis, please put your toys in your playroom," I'll say.

"But I'm just . . . " she'll say. She could tell me that she's just shaving the cat and feeding the fur to the dog. I wouldn't know, because the second the "But I'm just" comes out, I start stabbing my eardrums with a spork.

"Alexis, if you go put your pajamas on right now, I'll buy you a unicorn that poops Troy Bolton-shaped glitter," I'll say.

"But I'm just . . ." she'll say, completely oblivious to the fact that she just missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Oh, yes, it works both ways. When Ms. Butimjust is in the house, nobody listens to anybody.

If ever I get my hands on Ms. Butimjust, I'm planning on putting a violent end to her, if she stops making excuses long enough for me to beat her down.

That's a stamp on Alexis' face, by the way. I tried to tell her not to ask for it there, but Ms. Butimjust insisted.

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Reader Comments (24)

OMG. Thanks for the warning. I can't wait till Butimjust invades My Little C's life. I hope I'm busy with school and only Lili and The Nana have to deal with it (fat chance!)

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpghrugbyangel

My mum always used to say when she would get her hands on "notme" she would strangle him. As that was who my brothers and I used to blame for everything "not me"

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElena

My aliens name is "Yahbutmom." Used just the same as "Butimjust." They may be alien twins. Drives me nuts!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

With you there... I hate that too... It's as if that phrase can excuse whatever atrocity is being commited at the time.

Sadly, that sort of thing doesn't necessarily go away with age. Pinky uses a phase like that and it drives me up the wall. She's prone to starting every conversation with "Just so you know..."

I mean, you can insert "Just so you know" before EVERY conversation in the history of language. It bugs the crap out of me... Any phrase that can be used that widely is by definition, unnecessary. Just get to the point!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbluzdude

I'm also easily annoyed - repetitive noises make me insane. My children learn this at an early age and use it to drive me slowly insane.

We haven't met Ms. Butimjust...we have just plain old Mrs. Butidontwantto. Whiny old hag.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Smiles

With a 14-year old Iwasjustgonnadothat seems to be a frequent, you weren't...

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Ms. Butimjust shows her nasty self around here, too. I'm not a fan of her and don't put out tea and crumpets when she shows up. My other non-invited guest is Mr. Buticant. He needs to take ms. Butimjust away for a weekend. I hear the Bermuda Triangle is real nice.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

Butimjust doesn't come around my house. I think IAM and SorREE scare her away.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

@Kellie--Nothing gets my panties in a bunch as quickly as, "I can't." GRRRR!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

But has she quit that most annoying of behaviors....the dreaded lip sucking?

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermattieflap

Is Ms. Butimjust related to Mr. Iznotfair and Idaknow, the demons in our house?

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTara R.

@Tara--Yes. There's a whole family of annoying little phrases that should be banned from the English language. GRRR!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

Ms. Butimjust's sister, Ms. Butineedto, has been at my house for a while now. Frankly, I'm sick of her and wish she's leave.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadame Queen

She visits my house too--usually for weeks on end! She's a crafty, bossy thing, and if you find her, I want a piece of the beat-her-to-a-pulp action!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermumple

The uninvited guests at our house are "I KNOOOOOOW dat, {Mom | Dad}" and "I mean toMORRow."

As in, "Abby, please don't kick me under the table." "I KNOOOOW dat, Mom." (Um, then why are you doing it? And still doing it?)

Abby, excited/eager-faced: "I want some!"
Mom or Dad: "You already had dessert, Abby, remember, you had XYZ?"
Abby: "I know dat, I mean toMORRow I can have some." (NOT a question, BTW.)


@Mattieflap--NO. She's still doing it 24/7 and driving me absofreakinlutely batty with it.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

Oh no! I thought you had cured her!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermattieflap

I love how you made such a cute, "Hold me, Mommy!" picture look more like a zombified version of "ButI'mjust."

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA

@Mattieflap--She has to decide to cure herself. She has now decided that "nothing bad will happen" if she sucks her lip. You know, other than MOMMY LOSING HER MIND.

@Katie--It WAS a Butimjust moment. I asked her to quit whining and she was all, "But I just want you." :-/

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

Yeah and all my kid does is say "I wanna huggy..." when he's in trouble. He thinks it will get him out of trouble. May he never meet this person. Ever!

Beware of Inna Minute and the ever present while shopping CanI've (can I have)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Shaving the cat and feeding the fur to the dog is just hilarious. If I had a cat I might just do that for fun.

I bet this would annoy you. Sometimes the owner of our company will start cleaning under his finger nails with a pocket knife during business meetings. It cracks me up, but it makes his son, the Presient of the company, go crazy.

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOtter

Ours is Miss Imjustchecking. As in, "Pumpkin, but that down!" "I'm just checking!" And "Come back here." "I'm just checking!"

Too bad she totally got it from me, Mrs. Imjustchecking. :-\

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercaramama

argh. Maggie does this. Imma gonna kick Ms. Buttimjust's ass too.

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen
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