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The Pet Stopper

The only thing standing between this house and complete stinky, fuzzy chaos is me. I am the gatekeeper. I am Captain-Not-a-Chance. I am . . . The Pet Stopper.

If Mr. Husband had his way, we would have animals everywhere. There would be hamsters and dogs and guinea pigs and iguanas and cats and chameleons and porcupines and bunnies and THAT'S JUST THE STUFF HE'S ALREADY HAD. Really. At one point in time, the man had 13 pets. If I weren't a raging lunatic about keeping animals out of the house, he would go crazy with furry things. He would probably go so far as to find a pet monkey and then try to convince me that he got it for me. That's what he does.

Further complicating things is the fact that apparently this need to be surrounded by 4-legged creatures is genetic. Alexis has it, too. And BAD. Lately she has been begging for a bunny or a bird, which WTH? The kid has a bird phobia. Funnel cake is magical stuff, but there's no way a few pieces of it truly cured that phobia. Every time she begs me to buy her a pet bird, I feel like I need to yell, "SHENANIGANS!"

Despite my iron-clad resolve to keep creatures out of our house, the kitten thing happened. It really was only because I keep my promises. And maybe because I like cats. I mean, what's not to like? They come already housebroken and generally take care of themselves.

It really doesn't matter because once I pulled up the website for the Animal Rescue League, I was screwed. There is no way any human with a heart can say no to those little faces. It's nothing short of a miracle we made it out of there with just one kitten. And we very nearly didn't.

On the way home, however, dear little Ali reminded me that there are very good reasons for my extreme scrooge status. She started the ride in a box, but after listening to her cry her head off for 15 solid minutes, I let her out. I thought maybe if I held her and petted her, she would calm down.

She did.

She calmed down so much that she pooped on my lap. In the car. On a cold day when we couldn't really drive down the highway with the windows open.

And THAT is why I need to resume my role as The Pet Stopper.

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Reader Comments (25)

haha! I shouldn't laugh but... HAHAHAHAHA! POOP IN YOUR LAP.

Aren't cats awesome?

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I'm sorry but she's SO CUTE. I've already forgotten about the poop thing.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

@Jen--You and the husband both. He laughed for a solid hour after, even as he was gagging and trying not to puke from the smell.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterburghbaby

I'm sure it's a total coincidence, but my father also grew up in the same Midwestern state as Mr. Husband and he had a thing about collecting animals too. You could have it worse. Somehow when he was young, my father figured out a way to procure a pet baby alligator. That didn't go well.

And I'm the pet stopped in my house. No cats anymore. When we did, one night I was in the kitchen in the middle of the night getting a snack and I thought the cat was licking my bare foot. How cute. Only the cat really had just taken a dump. Not cute.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndy

You are a better person than me.... the cat may have been returned :D J/K Good thing she is super cute right?

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke G

That picture is bursting with teh cuteness. She is darling, poop on the lap or no.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslieSColeman

Aw! I missed yesterday's post until just now, so I didn't see Ali until now. QUITE the cutie! I love that little furry face and how kitten ears always look so huge on them. Looks like Alexis is already in love. I can see why.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDave (Scrumpy Daddy)

You have to give a pass on that one. She's in a strange place and probably very traumatized. And she didn't want to poop in her little box there.

Now if she does the same thing on your lap when you're watching TV or something, you may have problems.

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbluzdude

beautiful kitten!

May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaur

AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry)

We could never have kitties, as DH is SEVERELY ALLERGIC, and once my last guinea pig passes away, we shall never have them again (apparently GP and cat allergies tend to go hand in hand).

We do have 2 fat, lazy dogs though, and I seriously could see us getting another once Alex gets bigger, especially since my two are already 6 1/2 ish years old and tend to sleep more than cats do.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

this story started out all cute and warm and fuzzy, then very quickly turned to making me want to throw up my tasty sams club blueberry muffin.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaryn

I say this with the deepest love: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I feel your pain, though - really Rocky (the dog) has pooped on EVERYTHING.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Wellll.....poop happens.

Of course, it would be better if it happened where it should happen. If that's not possible, it would be REALLY good if it would've happened on the seat beside you or the floor.

But then? It wouldn't have been nearly as funny.


May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

I wasn't a big cat fan until that story. That cat, that cat's okay in my book. HA!

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJames Bainbridge

Okay. So I don't tell anyone this story, but I figure you'll appreciate it, and hopefully it'll make you feel a little better about the cat poop in your lap.

About five years ago, I went with my family to adopt a dog. The dog lived with her family in The Middle of Nowhere, West Virginia, but my mom and sisters [okay, I did too] fell in love with her pictures and we had to have her. So we drove for four hours to play with her and eventually pick her up, and she was very much worth it. Being the eldest and most responsible child, it was determined [after much squabbling amongst the troops, who all want to hold her] that the new puppy was going to sit in my lap on the ride home. After saying goodbye to both her two-legged and four-legged parents, we piled into the car and drove off, ready for the four hours home.

Not five miles down the road, we discovered that the puppy got carsick easily when she got sick all over my shirt. So we pulled over to the side of the road, and -- thank goodness for layers -- I pulled off my shirt and gave the dog a chance to get the rest of it out of her system. She ate some grass and seemed fine.

About half an hour later, back on the road, the puppy's carsick must be flaring up again, because I'm once again covered in mess, but it's come out the other end this time. Pulled over to the side of the road, stripped down by another layer of clothing, and wrapped up in a blanket, because now I'm in a tank top and it's February. The puppy must be empty by now, because when we get back into the car, she cuddles up in the blanket and falls asleep on me. [It should be noted that no one else in the car now wants to bear the responsibility of holding this dog.] Everything's uneventful for most of the rest of the trip, and we stop every 45 minutes or so to give her the opportunity to do her business outside the car. Which, of course, she doesn't. Because she'd much rather wait until we're 20 minutes from home to pee on me. My family now refers to that trip as my baptism by fire.

So: long story short: oh my goodness, I feel your pain. It's ridiculous what we'll put up with for a little bit of adorable, isn't it?

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

@Amy--Best. story. ever!

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

I would also surround myself with furry, four-legged creatures. I have to work hard to refrain myself.

Ali is ADORABLE! I hope she doesn't poop on you or anywhere but her litter box from now on. :-)

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercaramama

Oh dear me. LOOK at those eyes!! They almost look fake. They are huge!!! WOW! Such a pretty kitty. If I wasn't allergic to cats I would probably get one, though I am more of a dog person.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Oh, and I am just like your husband and my hubby is like you. Which is strange to me because I am the one that would have to take care of the furry little creatures. Hmmm. I think I'll have to add some pets to our house soon. ;)

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat

yet another reason i am a dog person!
(although the face on your new ali is simply stunning and could almost convert me.)

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

Well, now you've bonded in a deep and scary way; you'll be friends for life!

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCanadianMama

Speaking as one who has been pooped on by a cat in a car... yeah. Nasty. But at least you got away unscathed. My Dad, driving home with a new kitten from the shelter, decided to soothe the yowling cat by tucking it into his shirt. Which was great until the little sharp-clawed demon decided he wanted out. Immediately. We were all lucky the car didn't crash. Poor Dad, though. LOL. Will have to remind him of that.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPotsie

But oh what a sweet little kitty poopsy woopsy face hee hee. But I love kitties. Even when they poop in the car. My husband is more like you. But I've had my cat for 17 years, he was part of the package.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbeth in sf

Oh Em Gee. Laughing entirely too hard right now to comment. I need to see you soon, lady.

May 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterburghseyewife


She's cute, though.

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlea
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