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Santa Needs to Talk to Toys 'r Us about Those See-Through Bags

I think my kid may figure out that I'm a fraud soon. Very, very soon.

It all started because of the now infamous "Princess ball." Miss Alexis was very clear in her negotiations with Santa that her true desire was for that Princess ball. The only problem was that Santa wasn't exactly sure whether she meant a baseball or a kickball or a bouncy ball or what. So, Santa squeezed into his Mommy costume and started asking questions.

"What kind of Princess ball?"

"What color is this Princess ball?"

"Did you see the Princess ball at Target?"

"Would you please just order the damn Princess ball online and I'll pay for it?"

OK, maybe Santa didn't ask that last question, but he thought about it. The kid keeps changing her description. One day it's small like a baseball. The next day, it's big and has a handle so you can sit and bounce on it. After that it has seven Princesses on it, but only after she changes its color from pink to purple to white to a hue only small people who like to drive parents crazy can see.

When Santa decided he was getting really confused and didn't have time for such shenanigans, he turned to the computer and went hunting for help. A few minutes later, he had found a photo of a pink kickball that happened to have a lot of Princesses on it. He emailed the photo to me and I showed it to Alexis. "Santa sent me an email and wants to know if his elves are supposed to make you a ball like this."

She nodded affirmatively and repeatedly said THAT was the right one.

Santa acquired it that very night and stuck it in my car trunk for safekeeping.

The VERY NEXT DAY, we went to Toys 'r Us to pick up a few things for some kids who don't like to torture their parents with contradictory reports of Princess balls and such. As we walked through the outdoor toys aisle, Mr. Husband spotted the purple bouncy ball that you sit on. He was under the impression that he was looking at what was The Princess Ball. I shook my head, "No," but he insisted it was.

After some silent debate that probably left the other shoppers wondering if we were senile, we finally asked Alexis. "Is this the kind of Princess ball that you want Santa to bring you?"

"Yes!" she said.

I might have smashed my head through the wall right then and there. I'll never tell.

A few awkward head gestures later, Mr. Husband and I decided to just buy the stupid thing, figuring we could return whatever ended up needing returned, or we could just give her both Princess balls and be done with it. I took Alexis to the bathroom while he grabbed the ball and the other things we had picked up and took them up front to pay.

As Alexis and I rejoined Mr. Husband at the front of the store, I realized that if you sort of squinted and tilted your head just right, you could see hints of the Princess ball through Mr. Husband's bag. I didn't know the head gesture for, "Put that behind your back NOW!" so instead I sort of distracted the kid and rushed us out the door into the blackness of the night.

A few hours later, a little voice cut through the dark silence in the car, "Can I play with my Princess ball when we get home?"

Us adults sat in stunned silence. Finally, I asked, "What Princess ball?"

"The Princess ball I got at the toy store. Can I play with it when we get home?"

I don't know if I managed to effectively talk my way out of that little mess or not. All I know is Santa ain't delivering no purple Princess ball and that Alexis is going to figure out this whole Santa thing entirely too soon.

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Reader Comments (16)

We're planning to somehow not start the whole Santa myth at our house. Haven't worked out all the details that even possible? And if so how do we manage not to have the kid that tells all the other kids that Santa isn't real?

December 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarly

Oh oops! Hope the story you spun worked!

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

I don't think we're gonna make it another three years here. But, I like the magic that surrounds it so I'll try as long as she's willing to pretend to believe.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndreAnna

We're just starting the Santa thing at our house this year. I have no idea how long we'll be able to orchestrate this hoax but we're going to try.

Oh, and you're screwed. She's smarter than you.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchasingalittlelion

@chasingalittlelion--I KNOW. She's a year ahead of me in every way.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

@Carly--That's what I said. It's hard to do when your kid goes to daycare and everybody talks about the guy in red there. I've decided it's for the best because the little bit of magic we've managed to weave has been a lot of fun.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

Best Buy almost ruined it for me last night while trying to sneak in Lushie's presents. Screw eco-friendly, make the bags black.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterspoon

Nick is 7 and the other night he asked me if Santa was real. AHHHHH! I thought I had another year of innocence left.

Stupid other kids with their big mouths at school & daycare.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersummy

my dogs know when i buy rawhides and don't give them to them. heehee

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

Dude. 'Santa' was almost screwed at our house several weeks ago because 's/he' took advantage of free shipping deals and had the dollhouse of Maren's dream delivered to our front porch. 'Santa' was unaware that TRU was going to ship the damn thing in a box with a HUGE. COLORFUL. GLOSSY. picture of it on the outside. I still owe the UPS man an apology for slamming the door in his face because I had two very excited children right on my heels.

We are running with the Santa bit around here because we all could use a little bit of magic in our day-to-day. I am sure it is going to end much sooner than I would like, so for now I am enjoying every sneaky second.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFishsticks and Fireflies

Kids are just too smart for me. There is no hope. I have enjoyed the ongoing saga of the princess ball. Sorry it all fell apart because of the stupid see through bags. Maybe we should just go back to big ole brown paper bags at christmas time.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOtter Thomas

I usually shop when the girls are at their dad's house, but last year I saw some CRAZY sales while the girls were with me. What to do?! I lied and told them that those toys were for their cousins. Sigh. Pretty soon they'll be too smart for that, too.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA

I'm guessing that anything round and with a princess-like character on it would be The Princess Ball. hehe.

December 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercaramama

Kids are entirely too perceptive! And Alexis is at the top of the class in that respect. Good luck! I wish I had five more free days off every year just to use for Christmas shenanigans, especially for "Santa" to finish all his shopping...

December 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScrumpy Daddy

This is exactly why I shop at Amazon and have everything shipped to my in-laws house.


December 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pen mama

ditto what ren pen mama said. I get most of my Santa stuff through Amazon who delivers everything in a nice generic brown box. Too many close calls like the Princess ball in my house!

December 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristi

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