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I Have Nothing Else to Talk About

I really hope you don't find House Stuff annoying. If you do? You might want to click away, because that is pretty much all that there is going on in our world right now. House. House. House. House. House.

The House.

We're still waiting to finalize an agreement to purchase The House. It's pretty much our own fault that it's dragging out another day because Mr. Husband and I? Are jerks. We're totally squeezing the current owner for every penny that we can. The current owner happens to be a bank, so it feels gooooood to be all uppity about every penny. It's like sticking it to The Man, if The Man were a big bank losing a very small portion of its pennies on a foreclosed property.

That little detail adds a whole level of stress, because it's an "As Is" kind of thing. Meaning, there has to be something wrong with the place. We went back on Saturday to scour the joint before we made an offer, and I took about 80 kajillion photos of every little flaw. What I didn't do is take photos of the good stuff, so now I have this whole folder of Really Good Reasons We Should Run Far and Fast.

Like, the lady who lost the house through some series of unfortunate circumstances? She totally didn't go down without a fight.

Um, I think the wall won. I only say that because it's still in the house. It's bruised, it's battered, it has a giant hole in it, but it's still there.

What's not in the house are the kitchen faucets (yes, plural--there are two sinks in the kitchen).

Apparently faucets are worth a lot of money on the black market. If you happen to see somebody standing on a street corner hawking a couple of them, let me know. We might need them if we ever decide to run water in the kitchen.

Also missing is a bunch of cold air return/vent covers.

I have no explanation for the need to walk off with a couple of hunks of cheap metal, but I did spend a crazy amount of time with my head stuck in various holes looking for a reason to take them off in the first place. I got nothing, but how much do you want to bet that those hunks of metal will turn out to be super-special sizes that can only be purchased from The Really Expensive Hole in the Wall Covering Place?

I'd show you the really scary Thing That is Wrong, but then you would realize just how crazy we are, and we can't have that. Let's just say Mr. Husband's project to turn the basement into the Man Cave of his dreams won't be without a whole lot of work. Very gross work.

If it all goes through. That's still a big "IF."

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Reader Comments (18)

Ha! And you thought sitting on a rickety ferris wheel was scary? This my friend is the real deal. Bwhahaha.

No, seriously now. Enjoy the chase for the's very cool. Let me know when it's a done deal so I can throw some congrats at you too.

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeanne

On the one hand you feel bad for someone losing their house, but to take it all out on the house like that helps no one, except maybe you in being able to lower the price.

Good luck on getting it!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoger

I hope you get it. These homes need new life breathed into them. You're doing a good thing for the neighborhood when you buy and fix up a foreclosed home. Now, my Realtor side says "that's gotta be one of the nicer reos I've seen". That you noticed the missing faucet is good because it means the sink is still there, and the cabinets. The missing duct covers, meh, if the a/c is still attached. Think of it as having the demolition stage already done for you. You can dive right into the redoing part. There's a whole lot of FBI activity going on in AZ right now because people being foreclosed on are advertising on ebay & craigslist for others to come strip their houses. They make a little money and "stick it to the bank", but they are evidently committing mortgage fraud. Good luck and post more pics when you get it!

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMirth

House. House. House.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

Those are nothing. You should see the houses my hubby buys and fixes up to resell. The realtors won't even go into them - they just wait outside.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMia

Good luck. We have a folder of similar photos from when we bought this place. Man, you should have seen the backyard!

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeronica

I happen to love House talk. Especially since I'm sitting on the other side. And, no matter what the basement looks like, it wouldn't phase me, because Jim used to rent his old house out to the scum of the Earth, and since your House probably doesn't have a fly strip full of flies IN THE SHOWER, you're okay.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjen

I bet the previous owner was just mad and decided to take everything she could. When you have an inspector come in, make sure she didn't take anything vital to the running of the mechanicals or anything like that!! Good luck!!

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJill

What happens in my neighborhood is when a house goes into forclosure, after the people leave the drug addicts and such break in and steal all plumbing, copper, duct work, ect.....they are the ones who destroy the house. It gets them a day or two of heroin.

She also told me don't fight the seller over a few thousand dollars. If you fight over $2,000.00. That is twenty dollars a month. Do you want to chance loosing a house that's perfect for you for what you would pay for a few ice cream cones a month?

On Seinfeld they once bought black market showerheads so a blackmarket faucet scene has to exist. Seinfeld would never lie to me.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOtter Thomas

"She" is my friend who sells real estate. I deleted the previous papagraph.

Are you kidding? Don't fix that hole photo'd at top. That's *really* an extra toy closest masquerading as a wall. Trust me on this. Maybe just reinforce the edges there a little. I bet Alexis would be happy to test the structural integrity of the "closet opening" for ya.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA

So they didn't take the toilet with them or anything? Sheesh.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter3carnations

I loves me some House talk! Please continue.

Those little issues with the house? Just flesh wounds. Easy fixes. You'll be fine!

But I do feel better now about the hole in the wall leading to my basement. In fact, I think I should call it a ding, not a hole. What you've got, my dear, is a whole lotta hole. But totally fixable!

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercaramama

The simple explanations are usually the easiest. Chances are she spent a lot of money and got the fancy faucets and covers. Some of those cover things cost big bucks! And I've seen some faucets that cost more than the first car I drove...then again it was a Pinto. But, I'm sure your house won't be anything like a Pinto! Really! lol ;)

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhoneywine

I just figured out why the vent covers are off! I'm such a genius that I JUST NOW realized the ones that are missing are all on walls that are *almost* painted. A bunch of the walls are only half done, and what a coincidence! They happen to be the same walls that are missing hunks of metal!

Geesh, if only I had half a brain . . .

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby

Scrap metal prices are up. My guess is you won't see those things on the black market but in the local scrapyard. There's no other explanation for the heat vents.

Although your explanation might work, too.

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Good luck with everything, espeically that basement!

May 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElaine A.

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