To The Mothers Who Made Me

To the mothers who made me the mother I am, thank you.

You are the mothers who have taught me that a little patience goes a long way, especially in public. You're the mothers who keep their cool when faced with total chaos. I admire your composure. I make it a point to try to emulate you. You are also the mothers who totally lose it in public. I don't judge you, but I do take note. I don't want to look like that. Try harder. Be more. Dig deep for patience.

You are the mothers who speak easily and freely to your teens. I want that. I want it with everything that I am. I watch you and I try to learn from you in hopes that someday I will have that. You are also the mothers who push their kids away with cutting words and unintended insults. I don't judge you, but I know I don't want to be you. I try to learn from your mistakes so that I don't travel the same path. I try harder. I thank you for that.

You are the mothers who taught me that it's silly to count to three. If I want Alexis to do something, she needs to do it the first time I ask, not after I have warned her multiple times. You taught me that I will get what I expect, so expect good behavior all of the time. You are also the mothers who make threats and more threats and more threats and never actually make good on those threats. You remind me that follow-through matters. You motivate me to follow through on my threats the first time and that sometimes consequences suck, but they are important.

You are the mothers who are present and you are the mothers who are absent. You are the mothers who make it look easy and you are the mothers who wear their struggles like a badge. You are the mothers who have it all and the mothers who have nothing.

I learn from all of you.

You all make me better.

Thank you.

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Everything in the Midst of Everything

When the world weeps in unison, I have a tendency to shut down. I turn away from social media and turn off the TV and I focus on that thing that matters. I look for her guidance to find joy in the midst of sorrow. You know what? It always works. ALWAYS. I can always count on Alexis to be belting out a joyful song as she walks through her day.

Today won't be the day that Alexis remembers as tax day or the day that we wept for Boston. She will always and forever remember it as the day that a dream was born. She has spent the past every minute of her life looking forward to today. If you think I'm exaggerating, I can assure you I'm not. Today, the day that Alexis first signed up to be a real cheerleader, was the day she has focused all of her energy on for a very long time.

Ever since the sign up sheet showed up in my email, she has been pinching pennies and looking for ways to help pay the registration fee. It's unbelievably expensive, but she wanted it so very much. She carefully selected the least expensive snack options at the grocery store. She emptied the dishwasher. She didn't ask for a single thing at the store multiple times. She saved and she saved and she even did a little project that I'll show you later, all in hopes of saving up enough money.

She didn't manage to save enough, but I spotted her the difference. Because I could. I can live without Starbucks for a few months because these words ... these words actually came out of her mouth.

"This is going to be a lifetime experience. I've always wanted to be a real cheerleader."

She may end up hating it. She may end up thinking it's the dumbest thing ever. She may even look back and make fun of herself for putting so much importance on something so silly. It doesn't matter, though, because for today, it was everything.

It was her everything.

Creamy Crockpot Macaroni and Cheese

I have the most amazing recipe for Macaroni and Cheese with a Kick, but I've never posted it. I'm still not posting it because I can't seem to remember to take photos when I make it. Like, there's a law that says I will make it, take it to the table for a few photos, and then promptly forget what I was doing and I end up eating it instead.

So.

Someday I will post that recipe. I really will.

In the meantime, you're stuck with another version of Macaroni and Cheese that I like making. This is the "company is coming" version because this particular one doesn't require much hands on time and it holds really well for a few hours. As in, you can make it for a gathering of friends and then just leave it. As people wander to the event, they can eat at their leisure and it's OK. Other kinds of Macaroni and Cheese can't say that. They separate or turn funky as they cool.

This one will separate eventually as well, but it takes a LOT longer.

And this is where I admit that I made a plate of it to photograph while it was PERFECT, but forgot what I was doing. And ate it. So I had to take the photo a few hours later. It wasn't quite as picture perfect at that point, but it sure did taste good. I know that because I very nearly forgot what I was doing a second time.

There's hope for me yet.

Also, if you've attempted homemade Macaroni and Cheese in the past and declared it a fail, this version is worth trying. Since you're melting the cheese in a crockpot on low heat, there's very little risk of screwing it up and ending up with a glob of oil and goo.

Creamy Crockpot Macaroni and Cheese

1 package (16 oz) macaroni, cooked
1 can (13 oz) evaporated milk
4 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup butter
1 egg
1 cup milk

1. Cook the macaroni according to the instructions on the box. Feel free to leave it a little al dente if you are morally opposed to mushy macaroni.

2. Spray the inside of your crockpot with nonstick spray.

3. Turn the crockpot on low and throw in the evaporated milk, butter, egg, and milk. Stir it all up.

4. Add the cheese. Swoosh it all around a little bit.

5. Stir with a whisk every five minutes or so until the cheese sauce looks like cheese sauce. It takes my crockpot about 15 minutes to get there. If it seems too thick, you can add more milk a little at a time. If it seems to runny, try adding a bit more cheese.

6. Toss in the already cooked macaroni. Add salt and pepper to taste.

7. You're done! If you leave the crockpot on the warm setting, the macaroni and cheese will hold for a few hours. It will eventually start to separate, but it will still taste good. I swear to it.