Princess Bubblegum Sees the Light

Somewhere between the day when the little boy made fun of "Little Miss Four Eyes" and the day he permanently nicknamed her "Princess Bubblegum," Alexis stopped wearing her glasses. I mean, she wore them in the classroom at school when she really NEEDED them, but she stopped being an enthusiastic lover of her vision correction stylings.

She is aware that the little boy is making fun of her because he likes her. That doesn't stop her from being all hurty and upset about the glasses thing.

I caught wind of the fact that she wasn't wearing them right around the 14,013rd time she mentioned it. I never claimed that I pay full attention when the kid tells me things. I especially don't pay attention when it seems like she's tattling. And she was. She tattled on the kid who made fun of her and she tattled on him again and then she tattled on him one more time just for good measure.

I have no patience for tattling, especially when I've made about a dozen suggestions as to how she could handle the situation, but she refuses to anything other than get all hurty and run to her mommy.

ANYWAY.

Alexis stopped wearing her glasses all of the time. Given that she very barely needed them, I didn't really care. Then there came the day when it started to seem like maybe she slightly-more-than-barely needed them. Then there came a day when it seemed as if she maybe actually needed them.

So off to the eye doctor we went. I can't seem to schedule myself for much needed appointments like that, but I'm like white on rice with the kid's appointments.

You already know where this is going. Of course the kid's eyes got worse. They got enough worse that the glasses are no longer a maybe.

As Alexis and I walked out of the eye doctor's office, I worried. I worried that she would continue to not want to wear her glasses. I worried that it would get in the way of her, you know, BEING ABLE TO SEE. She had already admitted that she was having trouble seeing the board at school. It's not going to get better.

We jumped in the car and started towards another part of town. Alexis peered through her new glasses. Suddenly, she blurted, "Momma! I can read that sign from here! And that one! AND THAT ONE!" She went on and on about how much easier it was to look at the world. She was really very excited about the whole thing.

It's only been a week, so I don't know how the whole thing will end. It has been interesting watching the kid try to decide between being cute and being able to see her world. Here's to hoping she figures out she can be both cute (with glasses!) and able to see.

 

Easter Is The Gift That Keeps Giving And Giving

I can't believe I didn't write about it when it happened. I think maybe I was trying to pretend it wasn't real, but OH, IT WAS REAL.

Anyway.

The beginning. Let's start there, shall we?

The beginning looks a little like I'm sure it does at everyone's house. Easter rolls around and it's time to hide the eggs. A half-awake and desperate-for-sleep Easter Bunny wobbles around and hides eggs and then immediately curses herself out for not creating a map.

Where is Dora and her damn Map when you need her?

That's to say, the eggs are hidden, but WHERE? It sure would be nice to remember that detail.

Easter morning rolls around and certain children who are opposed to sleep wake up at Oh My Hell o'Clock and immediately set out to find the eggs. Certain Easter Bunnies are HUGE FANS of sleep and do whatever they can to pretend there is no reason to crawl out of bed. Worlds collide and I end up with a kid who is gleeful that she has a basket full of eggs, but I know she missed some. I KNOW. I just don't know which ones.

So every year I roam the house with Alexis and try to find the eggs that were missed. It's a rather fruitful activity in that I end up with about a dozen peanut butter eggs that I can totally claim as my own, but we always miss some. ALWAYS.

No matter what I do and how thoroughly I search, we will always continue to find Easter eggs long after the Easter Bunny has sailed into the sunset.

That's how it happened. That's how it came to be that Alexis found herself curled up next to me on the couch making a confession.

"Momma, I have to tell you something," she started. That's the line she uses when she's about to admit something she is absolutely certain is bad. Very bad. Usually the reality is that it's something itty bitty and I end up laughing hysterically at how very serious she is that she had to admit she spit out a bite of a cookie and threw it away three weeks ago. (That is part of a very true story. The kid is ... odd. And has one hell of a guilty conscious.)

"I found an Easter egg and I ate the candy out of it without asking permission," she continued.

THE NERVE. HOW DARE SHE.

Here's the thing. That little confession happened ... TWO WEEKS AGO. BEFORE EASTER 2013. That candy was at least a year old. Possibly two years old. Maybe older. I don't know! I can't ever find all of the eggs!

And that is how I learned that it's OK to eat really old chocolate. YUM!

She So Cray-Cray

When last we checked in with our heroine, she was kicking the Easter Bunny in the face. It was a chalk version of him, but still. Girlfriend was owning her fear and facing her bully and coming out ahead.

And then day turned into night.

Alexis was talking such a big game when it came to her fear of the Easter Bunny, I decided it was fair to mess with her a little. She has the sense of humor needed to deal with a little shenanigans, and she most certainly set herself up for it. I mean, the kid KNOWS about Santa and the Tooth Fairy, and she's smart enough to pretend she doesn't. In my mind, that is a clear sign that she's smart enough to connect the dots and realize that whatever she thinks she saw sleeping in her bed last Easter probably wasn't a mythical creature that leaves plastic eggs filled with candy all over the house.

So, while Alexis was distracted, I snuck up to her bedroom and left a few jelly beans on her pillow. If you've seen the movie "Hop," you know that as "bunny poop."

Before Alexis had a chance to discover the bunny poop on her pillow, she set up a lavish spread for the rabbit in the kitchen. She filled a bowl with baby carrots, poured water into her favorite mug, and carefully placed her "Stay out of my bed" note on the counter. She asked me to put out some fresh flowers and looked me square in the eye and said, "Make sure you do what you can to make the Easter Bunny feel at home!"

He felt at home, all right. He ate like six peanut butter eggs later that night. Ahem.

Before that, though, I escorted Alexis up to bed for the night. As she climbed the ladder to her loft, she did this number.

First step: I can't wait to find eggs tomorrow!

Second step: That bunny better stay out of my bed!

Third step: What if the Easter Bunny comes in my room?

Fourth step: MOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY. SOB.

Alexis had a total and complete breakdown when her little foot hit that fourth step. She was so scared she was shaking and that was BEFORE she saw the bunny poop. Once that caught her attention, it was all over. I didn't even wait for her to ask, I sent her straight to my room to sleep in my bed.

I love having a kid wrapped around my head when I try to sleep. It's great.

Since then, Alexis has accused the Easter Bunny of stealing the water bottle she had hidden up in her loft (he didn't, but he would have if he had known it was there). He has taken the blame for her missing shoes. He has even been the scapegoat for a myriad of dumb little things.

And THAT is why I refer to her as the Drama Queen.