I Have a Plan. A Good Plan.
If I were a betting woman, I'd put $100 on Alexis having the whole Tooth Fairy thing all sorts of figured out. She hasn't admitted as much, but when she stuck her tooth on the shelf in her bedroom a few weeks ago, she turned to me and said, "Mom, my tooth is right here. IT'S RIGHT HERE, MOM." She then aimed a spotlight directly on it, made a trail with glitter, and hired a carnie to yell, "Baby tooth! Right here! Here's the baby tooth!" all night long.
My point is she was very committed to making sure *I* saw where there tooth was. She didn't ask if I had my wallet with me, but I'm relatively certain she was wondering.
She believes in the fairies in the garden. The one who collects discarded human tissue? Not so much. She's smart enough to know to fake it, though.
That brings us to the Easter Bunny. I'm thinking his story is WAY shakier than the Tooth Fairy's. A bunny that hops around leaving eggs filled with candy? The what? WHY? And a basket filled with crap? Aren't those plastic eggs the exact same ones we found last year? And that have been in the spare bedroom since? Why do they sell those eggs everywhere if the Easter Bunny is the one who hides them? And why are they always filled with mom and dad's favorite candies?
It's all very shady. VERY shady.
Easter morning started entirely too early with Penny ninja-attacking my head and demanding to be let out. She's a nutcase who hasn't figured out that I would like her more if she would sleep past 6:00 in the freakin' morning. She also hasn't figured out that the key to ending my violent thoughts is to obey one very important rule -- DO NOT WAKE THE ALEXIS.
Penny started barking her little head off the second she was back in the house. That caused Alexis to wake up on Easter morning at Oh My God o'Clock. She started talking at Please Go Back To Bed o'Clock and I finally told her to go away and look for Easter eggs or whatever at half past Way Too Freakin' Early o'Clock.
Screw being there for the magic of childhood moments. Momma needs her sleep. If Daddy hadn't been at work, things might have worked out differently, but whatever. He was gone and I wanted SLEEEEEEP.
Alexis went in search of eggs, occassionally jolting me to semi-awakedness with updates. I've mastered the art of saying "Wow!" and "That's good!" and "OK!" in my sleep, so I don't really know what all was reported. There was one report, though, that had her completely freaked out. We're talking so freaked out that she crawled into bed with me and demanded to be cuddled.
I only half understood what she was rambling about, but what followed that report was so monumental that I requested that Alexis make a video for me later on.
She obliged.
1. I did not drug that child. Never have.
2. I was not responsible for any shenanigans. In fact, there were no shenanigans.
3. The kid is coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Nuttier than a Snickers bar. Crazier than Uncle Bill. A few pennies short of right in the head.
(If you can't view the video, it's basically Alexis describing how the Easter Bunny was in her bedroom. She describes the encounter in extensive detail. Like I said, SHE'S OFF HER ROCKER.)
So basically Alexis set out to find Easter eggs but then got completely freaked out when she ran across the Easter Bunny. Who wasn't there. Did I mention that there was nothing in her room to even sort of give her the impression that there was an intruder? I have no explanation for her nuttiness. It's cute, but nutty.
After Alexis ran to report her findings to me, she crawled into bed ...
AND FELL ASLEEP.
My kid, she who thinks sleep is stupid, WENT BACK TO SLEEP.
I can't tell you the last time she did that. Possibly never.
AND! AND! AND! She slept until 10:00. Double digits! A respectable time!
Anybody got a bunny suit I can borrow? I think I just figured out a way to make sure I get to sleep in on the weekends.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Reader Comments (8)
the Howler, at 10, is clinging to the whole Tooth Fairy/Santa Claus/Easter Bunny thing. She's deranged, and so totally willing to live in her own imaginary world...it's amazing how absolutely intolerant she is of anyone else's imaginary world(s). It's getting to be annoying, and I'm going to totally ruin my rep as a crappy parent and slide right on into totally-ruined-her-for-life in a matter of months.
Freaking Easter Bunny. Imaginary or not, totally creepy.
OH MY GOD ALEXIS IS HILARIOUS.
and man, she talks like a well educated college student, in fact, better than 90% of my hometown.
smart, imaginative, and funny: you totally lucked out with this kid! :]
Dude, Alexis sounds like a 12 year old! I've never seen her be so clear in a video and she definitely has a cute little northern accent. :)
NUTS!!! I can't see the vidoe. I would love to see that. Sorry I know that's mean but, it's your fault for making it sould so freaking awesome.
Bunny suit.... where can we find a bunny suit? You can always make one.... or buy one and tell her it only comes to life when little girls get out of bed way to early... you can determine what way to early is. lol
Glad you got to sleep in.
Jackie
That's what you should have videoed: Alexis sleeping in (and panning to a clock) so you could prove it to the Husband later. And so you could have prove when it never ever happens again. Er, um, well at least until you get that bunny costume. I can't bear to pop that bubble. ;-)
i. love. that kid.
So I can't explain this AT ALL, BUT, I have a VERY vivid memory of an encounter with the Easter bunny. I am 31 I know that it could NOT have happened but I remember it SO WELL that it seems just as strange for it to not have happened. Hopefully Alexis won't believe it for as long as me ...