For the Sadistic Bloggers

I have learned a very valuable lesson in the past 24 hours. If ever I am stuck somewhere and freaking out, I WILL NOT ask a blogger for help. They are sadistic souls who will stop to take a picture, laugh for a minute, maybe take a nap, and THEN help me out of whatever situation.

Since you freaks were so entertained by my poor child's misery, here's the other photo I took. This would be the one where I could swear she's having a stroke. For the record, she wasn't in pain, she was just frustrated. Muy frustrated. Oh, and I got her out by lifting chair and all out of her little house then lifting the pissed off kid straight up. How she got in is still a mystery.

A Few Random Photos . . .

Lately Pittsburgh's weather has been, well, craptastic. I keep complaining that I'm all for the extended hockey season, but that the extended hockey weather is SO not necessary. Between the cold and the rain on Saturday, there was a brief moment where that bright yellow thing (I forget what it's called) shone for a while, resulting in a rainbow. We happened to be in the midst of car purchase torture at the time, but I ran outside with Alexis so she could see her very first real rainbow. You would have thought I was showing her Dora dipped in glitter and Zoe--she was more than a wee bit excited.

Speaking of the new car, it took exactly two days for the stupid thing to start calling me names. I think it's mad that I keep saying I miss my Mitsubishi. (Hi, Mitsi! I love you! I'm sorry I had to leave you like that, but DUDE! $80 to fill your tank? I can't do that every week. Sorry. Maybe your makers will figure out a way to make you more fuel efficient. If they do, we will be together again some day.)

I know that I shouldn't stop to take photos when the Toddler is clearly experiencing extreme duress, but she's the fruit loop that got herself stuck in a doll's high chair in the first place. I still haven't figured out HOW she rammed her big butt in there.

This one is just because crazy faces make me laugh and I have a ton of photos that I haven't posted yet.

Tested and Failed (Again and Again and Again)

Earlier today, I was paging through the Infant Owner's Manual (What? You didn't get one? Clearly, you didn't tip the nurses in the delivery room well enough.), marveling at the number of things nobody ever told me. For example, everybody talks about the whole no sleep with a newborn thing, but HELLO! that is not the worst of it! Newborns and their inability to sleep several consecutive hours is logical, predictable, and I think, tolerable. It's when the one-year old randomly wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and won't go back to sleep that kills you. (Right, Jayesel?) Seriously. With a newborn, there are no expectations. Nobody expects you to cook, clean, look human. By the time they hit that first birthday, though, you're supposed to have your act together. The expiration date on whining is long past due and you're left stumbling through your days in a sleep-deprived fog. Fast forward to two, and it's a whole other level of cruelty that goes on with sleep deprivation.

(Alexis--Feel free to accept that as a challenge and stay in your own darn bed all night tonight just to spite me.)

Another thing missing from that Owner's Manual is instructional guidance on how to survive the daily tests kids put you through. Sure, the tests change from day-to-day, but why didn't anyone warn me that the rules to the tests change from minute-to-minute? I've lost like eight consecutive games of LELLO CAR! because I didn't know cars on TV were eligible, or that you can call the same car several times in the span of five minutes. So.not.fair.

I failed yet another test last night. Alexis and I were taking a walk through the neighborhood. As per her usual routine, Alexis was pointing out everything she saw and telling me what it was. And, as per usual, she decided it was time to test me by seeing if I knew what various things were.

"What's dat?"

"A tree," I replied.

"What's dat?"

"That's a house," I told her.

"What's dat sound?"

"That's the birds chirping," I reported.

"No, it's elephant," Alexis corrected with an incredulous look of disdain that I could be so stupid as to get that question wrong.

How am I ever going to pass all these tests if I don't even know the difference between a bird and an elephant?