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Thursday
May152008

Further Proof that My Kid is Awesome

If you have kids, you know this kind of thing just can't be staged. I was in the kitchen throwing together a complicated dinner consisting of frozen pizza when the Pens game finally came on the TV. Dude. The kid can name three Pens players. Actually, she can name four, but for some reason she didn't bother to mention "Cindy" (aka Sidney).

I'm keeping this kid.

Wednesday
May142008

Even Fairytales Have Their Whores

Once upon a time, in a beautiful land not so far away, there lived the Princess Toddler. The Princess Toddler was known throughout the kingdom as a fickle sleeper who demanded that her accommodations be just so. In fact, months ago she sent a decree to all who served her demanding that absolutely nothing be placed in her bed. Nothing large like a stuffed bunny and most certainly nothing small like a little pink puppy should ever touch the place she rested her weary little head. Each night, the Princess Toddler would inspect her sleeping quarters and if any items were found that were in violation of her decree, she punished her servants with a severe tongue-lashing and effective forms of torture such as sleep deprivation.

Then tragedy struck and the Princess Toddler lost her best friend. She struggled to adjust and found herself trying desperately to make new friends. Unfortunately, the Princess Toddler fell in with the wrong crowd and unwittingly befriended a hooligan by the name of Baby Shell.

Baby Shell was an insecure type, lacking in self-respect and morals. She frequently could be found engaging in questionable relationships with Furries such as Meg the Stuffed Bulldog, Big Bunny, Pink Puppy, Widdle Bear, Tigger, and Pooh. If we're being blunt, and I think we should, Baby Shell was a whore. She would sleep with anyone, just so long as they were furry and inanimate.

Baby Shell used peer pressure to convince the Princess Toddler that she too should engage in relations with the Furries. Before long, the Princess Toddler wrote a new decree. This time she demanded that her servants facilitate a sort of furry lovefest. Suddenly, the Princess Toddler's bed was filled with each and every furry beast there was to be found. In fact, her bed was so filled with Furries that there was nowhere for the Princess Toddler herself to sleep. So, she stayed awake and made her servants stay awake with her.

Now the Princess Toddler struggles to find a way to be true to herself while staying friends with that whore Baby Shell. Time will tell if the Princess Toddler will ever find her way back to sleeping bliss. In the meantime, the servants endure their torture, praying for the day that Baby Shell's grasp on the Princess Toddler's pysche is released, and dreaming of the day when all the Furries will go back in the toy box.

And sleep. They dream of sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep.

Tuesday
May132008

What Dat?

It's no secret that I'm a bit of a tomboy and that I would much rather spend an evening watching the Pens squish the Philthadelphia Flyers than painting my nails or something silly and girly like that. As such, I long ago figured out how various sports rank in my brain. The list goes a little like this:

1. Basketball
2. Football
3. Hockey
4. Volleyball
5. Biking
10. Curling
15. Figure Skating
17. Water Polo
20. Field Hockey
24. Lacrosse
39. Underwater Basket Weaving
44. Bowling
52. Synchronized Swimming
74. Table Tennis
86. Jello Wrestling
91. Golf
103. One-handed Naked Dodgeball
109. Horizontal Bungee Jumping
116. Snowshoe Ballet
130. Synchronized Snowmobiling

And if you go through probably 400 other sports, you will eventually land on baseball. It's WAY down on the list. I know I should try to care given that we do have a so-called 'Pro' team (I use that terminology VERY loosely) in town, but I can't. I do go to games, but I'm only happy if I have a Primanti's sandwich in one hand and cotton candy in the other. The tickets have to be free and I guarantee the only on-field action I notice is the Pierogi races (go Oliver!).

Anyway, it looks like I'm passing this way of thinking on to the next generation. Earlier today we were watching PTI on ESPN and the Toddler was all about paying attention to it since there is an Elmo in the background of the set.

Every time they would show a shot with Elmo, Alexis would yell: "Ook! It's Elmo!"

When they showed some hockey highlights she said, "Ook, mommy! Penins!"

The NBA playoff clips prompted her to declare, "Basetball!"

They briefly mentioned something football-related and the Toddler yelled, "STEELERS!"

But when baseball came on? She said, "What dat?"

I'm so proud.